


Neighbors

by raiseyourpinky



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angel Castiel, Apocalypse, Baking, Bottom Dean, Demon Dean, Domestic, Fallen Angels, Fallen Castiel, It's really not that bad, M/M, Mythology - Freeform, POV Castiel, Relatively happy epilogue, Supernatural Elements, you can handle it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-26
Updated: 2015-02-16
Packaged: 2018-02-14 19:59:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 27
Words: 63,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2201193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raiseyourpinky/pseuds/raiseyourpinky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel is a fallen angel trying to fit into normal life. When he makes a pie for his new neighbors, he meets Dean, a demon, and things only get complicated from there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have used the history from seasons 1-5 of Supernatural in this story. But I have also added my own original twist to it all. This AU will not entirely stick to the canon of the show.

Castiel picked up the apple pie that was still cooling on his kitchen counter. The incredible smell of the crusty dessert filled the entire house, shaping a smile on his face. Over the years, Castiel had gotten truly good at baking—well, at playing the role he’d always wanted to have.

He was almost out of the house when he realized he was still wearing his blue apron. Yeah, like that would make a great first impression.

Castiel set down the pie back on the counter and removed his apron, setting it over a chair at the dinner table. At this point, his mouth was already watering. He should have made two pies instead of one.  _Maybe later_.

After closing his door, Castiel walked across his lawn, crossed the driveway to his right, eyeing the classic black car occupying the space—at least his new neighbors had good taste—and walked up the front steps to the green house. He maneuvered the pie to his left hand, cleared his throat, and knocked on the door.

Nervously, Castiel shifted on his feet, chewing on his lower lip as he waited. This had been a constant tradition of his. Every time someone moved into the neighborhood, Castiel baked them a pie. It was what he had seen on TV so many times, he figured it was customary. But then, it just became his thing. Everyone loved his pies. He had made many friends through his pies.

He stood motionless when he heard the chains being unlocked on the other side of the door. He counted at least three.  _These guys sure are paranoid_.

Wesson Street was usually calm and uneventful. Everyone knew each other, so there was no reason to have so many precautions. Castiel looked behind him, noting the pieces of wood on his neighbors’ lawn. They were planning on building a fence, too. Unbelievable.

A tall—no, that was an understatement. An enormous skyscraper would be a better description—man opened the door. He had dark, wavy hair, down to his shoulders, long sideburns, strong cheekbones, and broad shoulders. His eyes were luminous and green, like his house. Castiel had to look up to meet his eyes.  _I have never felt so tiny in my entire life._

“Hi,” the man said, cracking a wide, friendly smile. “I know, I’m tall. I hit this growth spurt around sixteen, and I haven’t looked back since.”

Castiel laughed, but then stopped himself, hoping that he hadn’t offended his new neighbor. “I’m Castiel Novak. I live right next door. I thought I’d come and welcome you to the neighborhood.”

“Oh, yeah, come in,” the man said, opening the door wider and stepping back. Castiel noticed he was barefoot. And he was wearing a plaid shirt. He could always tell a lot about a person by the type of shirts they wore. Castiel was currently wearing a black Henley. He felt that translated to being a nice person. Plaid, on the other hand, meant trouble. Why couldn’t a person stick to a single color? “My name’s Sam, by the way. Sam Winchester.” Sam closed the door behind Cas, locking all of the chains back into place.

The inside of the house was a mess. There were boxes everywhere, and no place to sit. It smelled of fresh paint, and Castiel was grateful when Sam opened a window.

Castiel smiled, lifting up his apple pie. “It’s good to meet you, Sam Winchester.”

“Is this for me?” Sam asked, signaling the pie.

“Yeah, it’s apple. I hope you like it.” Sam took the pie in his hands, glancing at it intently. “Is something wrong?” Castiel asked.

“No, no, nothing’s wrong.” Sam lifted his eyes, assuring Castiel with a small grin. “I’m sure my brother will love this.”

“You live with your brother?”  _So they’re not a couple. Interesting_.

Sam nodded, making a beeline to the kitchen. Somehow, his long legs had formed a pathway around the boxes, so Castiel followed him, intrigued by the sudden turn of events. “Yeah, he’s taking a shower right now. He should be out any minute.” Sam set down the pie on the counter, turning back to Castiel. “He’s going to freak when he sees this pie.”

That didn’t sound like a positive reaction. “Why would he do that?”

Sam ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head in defeat. “Well, it’s sort of a long, depressing story. I don’t want to keep you. I’m sorry, I should shut up now.”

Castiel swallowed hard. He couldn’t comfort this human if he didn’t know the full story. A few years ago, he would have been able to read his thoughts, to know what he wasn’t telling. It was absurd to think about the past, when he couldn’t do anything to change it. Besides, he liked his new life. He liked the role he chose for himself.

“Do I smell something good out there?” a deep voice called from the hallway. And then Castiel saw him. One second, his face was dark, rotted, melting as if it had been burned, and the next, his face was young, handsome, and filled with freckles. Castiel held back a gasp, instead focusing on the fact that the man was wearing nothing but a towel around his hips to cover his dripping body. His green eyes were the only resemblance he shared with Sam. “Well, I didn’t know we had company, Sammy. Very good-looking company.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Dean, this is Castiel, our next door neighbor. Castiel, meet Dean, my brother.”

“Pleasure,” Castiel said, trying to look anywhere but at Dean.  _He is a demon. An abomination. Is Sam aware of this?_

But Dean stepped closer, and then he stopped a couple feet away from Castiel, his hand stretched out in front of him. “Mighty pleasure.”

Against his better judgment, Castiel shook Dean’s hand. His grip was hard and strong. Of course. He had the powers of Hell.

“Dean, Castiel brought us a pie.”

Dean tugged on Castiel’s hand, pulling him into his wet arms. A hug? A hug! From a demon. That was perhaps Castiel’s lowest point in his entire existence. But Dean’s arms held him close and tight, without any prejudice. And Castiel knew that if he was aware of Dean’s true form, Dean was surely aware of Castiel’s. Dean laughed close to Castiel’s ear, sending an involuntary shiver through his body.

Finally, Dean pulled back, releasing Castiel. He laughed good-naturedly, pushing back some of Castiel’s hair that had fallen forward. His hair needed a trim pretty soon, or it would start looking like Sam’s. “Thanks for the pie, Cas.” Dean winked, laughing again before heading back where he came from.

Castiel blinked at the empty hallway, hearing a door open and close somewhere in the house. He took notice of the physical impact that hug with Dean had caused him. Castiel’s heart was definitely beating faster than normal, his palms, they were so sweaty he had to rub them against his jeans. His throat was suddenly dry, and so were his lips. He licked them quickly, turning back to Sam.

Sam frowned, slightly uncomfortable. “Excuse him; my brother’s very…honest.”

“Honest,” Castiel repeated. Yeah, not the right word. Sam’s brother was a demon. What did that make Sam? The victim? Sooner or later, Dean would strike. It was in his nature to bring disaster to those around him. Especially if he sensed a threat. Not that Castiel had any grace left in him, but if he did, he would use it to smite Dean.

***

Castiel had chicken drumsticks baking in the oven, white rice cooking on the stove, and black tea boiling in the kettle. He put down his cell phone, setting it on speaker, as he set the table for one.

“What exactly do you mean, Castiel?” Anna asked over the line.

Once he found the right placemat for the day of the week—Thursday—Castiel searched for the utensils he would need for this particular meal. “My neighbor may or may not be planning on killing his brother, not to mention the entire neighborhood.”

“And how did you come to that conclusion?” Anna’s tired tone was a clear indication of her skepticism. Castiel couldn’t blame her.

“I just have a feeling about him,” Castiel said. He knew he shouldn’t be telling this to anyone, not even Anna, but he couldn’t keep it to himself. Anna was his closest friend, and he told her practically everything. Well, aside from the fact that he was a former angel, but now he was wingless, graceless, and ordinarily human. In simpler terms, Castiel was a fallen angel.

“You have feelings for him?” Anna teased.

“No. Not feelings.  _A_  feeling,” Castiel said, to make things crystal clear to his friend. “You know how sometimes I have a sixth sense about things? I’m usually right about my predictions. I know how to avoid danger, and Dean Winchester, he’s complete danger.” Castiel still had his doubts about Sam, but he couldn’t trust him either. Not yet.

“Okay, Castiel, I think you need to calm down,” Anna said, patiently. “I’m sure this Dean person isn’t going to sneak into your house at night trying to murder you with an axe. From what you’re telling me, it just sounds like he’s into you.”

Castiel nearly choked at that. “I would  _never_  be with a man like Dean Winchester.”

Anna chuckled. “Relax, man, I was joking. I know you’re not that easy. Give it time. And if you do end up dead, then it’ll be on me.”

“Thanks a lot, Anna,” Castiel said, letting out a long breath. The smell of the rice distracted him enough to get back to work. He turned off the stove and the oven, leaning against the sink.

“Bye, Castiel. I’ll see you tomorrow for lunch.”

“Of course. Goodbye, Anna.”

The phone call ended, but Castiel remained where he stood, listening to the kettle announcing that his tea was ready. He enjoyed cold tea, so he would have to wait a little longer to drink it. He wasn’t hungry anymore, anyway. There was a strange sensation at the pit of his stomach, but he couldn’t name it.

Castiel put the tea in the fridge for cooling, and went to sit on a black leather couch in his living room. There was nothing entertaining on TV, which was ironic, considering that every show was made for entertainment, even the informatory ones.

That was when his bell rang.

Castiel wasn’t expecting anyone, but he couldn’t deny that having an unexpected visitor would be nice. Eating alone was his least favorite pastime.

Immediately, Castiel regretted that thought. His visitor was none other than Dean Winchester, and his army of freckles.

Dean wasn’t half naked any longer. Now he wore dark jeans, a white shirt, and a brown leather jacket. And as soon as their eyes met, Dean smirked. “Mind if I come in?” he asked, already making his way inside. Castiel opened his mouth to protest, but Dean wasn’t listening. He was a demon, after all. Resigned, Castiel shut the door. He gathered his courage and stood a little taller. “You got a nice place, Cas. You live alone, huh?”

Castiel furrowed his brow. “What do you want?”

“You’re cooking?” Dean said, walking into the kitchen. He lifted the lid from the pan, closing his eyes and sniffing loudly. “That rice smells good.”

Castiel stood at his table, holding onto the back of a chair. He still knew how to exorcise a demon the old fashioned way. “I was about to have dinner.”

Dean nodded, turning to the single placemat on the table. “Alone?”

“Yeah, I think we established that I live alone.” Castiel made eye-contact, despite that fact that he had just made himself sound more vulnerable.

“Cas,” Dean said with a smile. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were afraid of me.”

“Why would I be afraid of you?”

Dean shrugged. “Maybe because I’m a demon, and you are—used to be—an angel.”

“Then you should know I am capable of sending you back to Hell.”

“Do we really need the threats, handsome?” Dean approached Castiel, smiling smugly. “I’m not here to threaten, much less hurt, you. I’m here for an entirely different reason.”

Castiel lifted his chin defiantly. “What?”

“Dude, that pie you brought us, it was fantastic.” Dean laughed, and even when he stopped laughing, he was still smiling. “Was it store-bought or homemade?”

“Homemade,” Castiel said slowly, confused. He tilted his head to the side.

Dean whistled, surprised. “You have a gift, Cas. I’m not ashamed to admit that I already finished the whole thing. Sam was able to steal a piece from me while I was changing, but he was lucky he didn’t get in my way while I was eating the rest. There’s no telling what I would have done to him.”

“You would hurt your own blood over pie?” Castiel asked, astounded. This was exactly what he feared.

Dean waved away his worries. “I wouldn’t cause permanent damage. A broken bone or two would do.”

Castiel glared at him in silence.

“Kidding,” Dean said, clearing his throat.

Castiel shook his head. “I find that hard to believe, considering what you are.”

“You’re just like all of them, aren’t you?” Dean said, sounding disappointed. “I mean, I thought you would understand. You’re not an angel anymore.”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Sorry about your wings.” Dean quirked up one side of his mouth. “How did it happen?”

Castiel chuckled humorlessly. “I’m not going to sit here and talk about my personal life with a demon.”

“You don’t have to sit. We can lie down.” Dean smirked, again.

“Are you truly hitting on me? What gave you the idea that you would ever have a chance with me?” Castiel realized that he sounded way too dignified, but honestly, this was a demon.

Dean pulled out a chair from the dinner table, the one Castiel had set for himself, and sat down. “In your eyes, that’s all there is to me, isn’t there? Just that I’m a demon. You don’t care what I do for a living, or what my future goals are, or that I love my brother and I would die for him in a heartbeat.”

Castiel couldn’t deny that he felt a bit guilty for judging Dean so fast, but he still couldn’t accept that a demon was sitting at his table, trying to convince him that there was more to him than what he was. Castiel couldn’t accept that. Dean was a demon—end of story.

“You’re very pretty, but it’s a shame you’re such an ass.” Dean sighed. “I just came here to ask if you knew where I could take a few cake decorating classes. I’ve been looking into baking, but I don’t have a clue what to do with the cakes once they’re out of the oven. And I make some really incredible cupcakes, let me tell you. Cupcakes are easier to decorate than cakes.”

“This is so bizarre,” Castiel said. “I need to sit down.”

“Please,” Dean said, signaling the chair beside him. “It’s your house.”

Castiel sat down, placing his hands on the table. They were sweaty again, so he hid them on his lap underneath the table. There were so many thoughts making his head spin, and he didn’t know where to start. He was aware of Dean staring at him, waiting for him to speak, but Castiel was rendered speechless this time.

“Maybe you’ll feel better once I tell you that Sam knows about me,” Dean said, scooting his chair closer to Castiel. “He and I, we’re trying to build a new life here in Kansas. We’re from this town. We thought that maybe if we went back home, we would be okay. That’s all we want from life now, to be okay.”

Castiel glanced at Dean, staring into the green of his eyes. Dean sounded so sincere, and he had this soft, unwavering voice that proved his honesty. It  _could_  all be a trick, but a really good one.

“Alright, Dean, for the sake of this conversation, let’s pretend I believe you,” Castiel said. He couldn’t believe what he was about to say, but crazier things had happened. “Would you like to stay for dinner? I made another pie.”

Dean smiled a smile so radiant that it filled the room with light. Castiel was delirious. “You don’t have to ask me twice, Cas. Give me two slices.”


	2. Chapter 2

The dinner table was now set for two. Castiel was still cautious enough that he wouldn’t turn his back on Dean for longer than five seconds. He served dinner on both plates, and poured iced tea on two glasses.

“Did you put salt on this?” Dean asked.

Castiel glanced at him over his glass of tea. “No. I don’t cook with salt often. But I do have some in my garage. It’s for protection against demons.”

“Good to know.” Dean smiled. Then, the candlestick in the middle of the table lit on fire. “Nothing says romance like a candlelit dinner.”

“Dean,” Castiel said sternly, pinching the bridge of his nose. “For the last time, this is not a date.”

“Okay, so it’s not a date,” Dean said, calmly, picking up his fork and digging in. “But that doesn’t mean we won’t ever go on a date.”

“That’s exactly what it means,” Castiel said, gluing his eyes to his plate. He started to sense how difficult it would be to get rid of Dean now that he had shown a fraction of kindness to him. Well, as long as Dean didn’t kill him, no harm was being done. Castiel pushed his thoughts to the back of his mind and ate his food.

Dean didn’t push on the subject; instead, he talked about his plans to build a new life in Lawrence. Castiel noticed his apprehension to speak of the past. Dean only focused on the future. Still, that didn’t mean Castiel had lost all sense of curiosity. He wanted to know how it was possible for Dean to be a demon, and still be perfectly human.

“…and then I’m going to buy cheap cars at auction prices, fix them up, restore them to prime conditions, and sell them for cash. I’m still very serious about the cakes. There’s this diner nearby called The Roadhouse. Sammy and I, we knew the owners before…before we left, and I was thinking of making a deal with Ellen to sell my cakes there.” Dean took a long pause, staring at the flame on the candle. “I don’t just want to make cakes, though. Pies would be great, too.” Dean turned to Castiel, narrowing his eyes. “Have you ever thought of selling them?”

“At The Roadhouse?” Castiel said, putting down his fork. “No, I don’t think Ellen would ever want to sell my pies. She already sells pies there, anyway. They’re good.”

“You know, it’s been years since I’ve been there, but I don’t remember ever tasting a pie as good as yours.” After a long silence, and growing tension between them, Dean cleared his throat. When he leaned back in his chair, Castiel noticed how close he had been to him. “Of course that was before everything happened.”

“What do you mean?” Castiel asked, that same curiosity still gnawing at him.

Dean watched the flame for a few moments, and then he smiled at Castiel, bright teeth and everything. “That’s not first date talk, Cas. You’ll have to wait to hear that story.”

Castiel sighed, picking up their dishes and taking them over to the sink. He was about to start washing them when Dean shoved him aside, not as gently as he possibly intended, because Castiel was slammed against the fridge.

“Oh, crap, I’m sorry, Cas,” Dean said, rushing over to him to apologize for the probable bruises he caused. “Did you hit your head?”

Castiel shoved him back before Dean could touch him again. “What is your problem, Dean?”

“I’m so sorry. I was trying to help you do the dishes. I didn’t think I was that strong. I try not to touch people.”

“You hugged me not a minute after we met,” Castiel mumbled, rubbing the back of his head, which only felt a little rattled.

“Well, I knew you were an angel,” Dean said, as though that was reason enough not to get thrown out of the house. “I thought you could defend yourself.”

“I can.” Castiel opened a cupboard in the kitchen, pulling out his pointed, silver blade. “I still have this.”

Dean threw up his hands in alarm. “Look, Cas, before you do anything rash, let me explain something to you. When I came back, when I escaped Hell, I went straight to Sam. He took me to see a witch doctor, and she did some weird voodoo shit on me. She told me that I would gain some of my humanity back if I took a glass of holy water a day. It’s not permanent, but it keeps me from going dark. I wouldn’t intentionally hurt you, or anyone.” Dean let out a long breath. “I’m just trying to get by.”

Stunned by this confession, Castiel lowered his blade, but he didn’t put it back in its place. If this was true, then Dean really wasn’t all that terrible. The fact that he went that far in order to be as close to normal as he could be said it all. Wasn’t that what Castiel was doing? He was trying to live a normal life. It was difficult, it had been a huge challenge from the start, but damn it, he was trying. How different was his situation from Dean’s?

“I believe you, Dean,” Castiel blurted out. He didn’t have time to process the words before he said them.

Dean lowered his hands. “Thank you.”

Castiel internally debated whether or not he should put his blade back in the cupboard, and finally he did. If he _did_ end up dead, he would blame Anna.

***

The Roadhouse was busiest during lunchtime, which meant that Castiel regularly took his lunch around two or three o’clock. Working at a diner wasn’t part of _the plan_ , but it paid his bills, and allowed him to work around food. Castiel’s favorite part about human life was food. Although, he had been tricked at first. It wasn’t until he gained fifteen pounds and his pants wouldn’t fit that he realized greasy food had side effects. Who would have thought that a hamburger could be the devil in disguise?

Castiel learned to cook soon after. Healthy meals, low in sodium. And now the only thing he tried to cut back on was tea, but that would take a while. Well, the pies were another guilty pleasure. Being human was hard work.

If Castiel ever wrote an autobiography, the title would be: _From Angel to Waiter_ , and it would work as a PSA, advising all naïve angels that before they decided to leave their grace behind, they should be forewarned about the many lies about humanity.

Granted, when Castiel fell in love with humanity, he accepted both the good and bad sides. He knew of the violence and crime, but he also knew of the love and kindness people are capable of. The final decision had been all his, and he knew the consequences. It had taken four years to finally be settled down in a nice house, with a nice job, surrounded by nice people—aside from one particular demon.

And yet, Castiel always dwelled on the _what ifs_. What if he hadn’t made that choice? What if he still had his grace, his wings? What if he could still return to heaven? What if he could take it all back?

It was a waste of time to even consider that. Castiel knew that there was no turning back once you gave up everything you had been given. But he had made this choice, and he would stand by it.

“What’s got you moping today?”

Castiel turned around, gripping his notepad and pen. Jo was standing in front of him, holding two milkshakes in her hands. She was short, blonde, and beautiful. Castiel had grown awfully fond of her. “I zoned out. I apologize.”

Jo shook her head, but she was smiling. “Why don’t you take your break? It’s slow right now. Ash and I can handle it.”

“Alright, but if you need me, I’ll be right over there.” Castiel pointed at an empty booth table in the corner.

“Is Anna coming over for lunch?” Jo asked, heading to the table awaiting the milkshakes.

“Yes,” Castiel said, putting his notepad and pen on the countertop. “I have a lot to tell her.” He sat on one side of the booth, waiting for Anna to show.

Jo left the milkshakes and walked over to Castiel’s table. “I have something to tell you, too.” She grinned excitedly, nearly bouncing on her toes.

“What is it?”

“I think you should wait and see. It’s a surprise.” Jo turned and went back in the kitchen.

Castiel waited for Anna with nothing to do but rest his feet. Every day, he considered the ability to get up for work a miracle. Humans didn’t have it easy at all. Angels, on the other hand, weren’t trapped in a vessel that required plenty of rest, food, water, vitamins, and other similar things to continue living. They did, however, have a lot more pressure on their shoulders. That was something Castiel would never miss.

He didn’t look up when he heard the familiar chime on the front door, announcing a new customer. Anna had barely called to tell him she was on her way, but she lived nearly half an hour away. So for now, Castiel was looking through the menu he had long ago memorized.

“Dean!” Jo called. When Castiel lifted his head, he caught the blurry shape of Jo as she ran out of the kitchen. Dean, the one and only, stood at the entrance. Jo jumped in his arms, and Dean swung her around, laughing.

Castiel could do nothing but stare. Now that he remembered, Dean did mention having known the owners of The Roadhouse. Castiel just didn’t realize how well he knew them.

Yes, Castiel knew it was rude to eavesdrop, but it was harder to block out a loud conversation going on three feet from him.

“Where the hell is your brother?” Jo demanded.

“Getting settled in his new office,” Dean said. “Taking care of boring attorney business. He said he’ll stop by tonight after work.”

“He fucking better,” Jo said, laughing. “Oh my God, I can’t believe you’re here.”

“And I can’t believe you ditched the bar business to open up a diner,” Dean said.

“Well, we figured we’d be able to sell more variety. Anyway, drunks don’t tip as well,” Jo said. “Oh, come say hi to a friend of mine.”

Castiel put up his menu, covering his face, and he discreetly scooted closer to the wall. One of the things he missed the most about being an angel was the ability to turn invisible. Better yet, to teleport.

“Hey, Castiel,” Jo said, pulling the menu away from his face. “What are you doing, silly? This is the surprise I mentioned earlier.” She hooked her arm around Dean’s, and she smiled up at him. “Castiel, this is Dean. Dean, Castiel.”

Dean smirked, in that smooth way he only knew how. “We’ve met. In fact, we live right next door to each other. Cas is my neighbor.”

“Is that right? Well, I don’t believe in coincidences,” Jo said. Someone in the kitchen, possibly Ellen, yelled for Jo to get back to work. “Shit, my mom is going to flip if I don’t get back to work.” Jo released Dean’s arm and leaned in to stage whisper, “She’s still kind of wary about your new…situation. It wouldn’t hurt to ease back into her good graces at a slow pace.”

Dean sighed, but then he nodded reluctantly. “Got it. I won’t bother her today. I _will_ have lunch, though, because I’m starving.”

Jo hugged Dean again, looking apologetic this time. “I’m sorry things aren’t easier, Dean. But you know nothing will ever change my opinion of you.”

“I know.” Dean grinned. “Means a lot coming from you.”

“I’ll see you around,” Jo said, walking away backward. Then she turned to Castiel. “Would you keep an eye on him for me?”

“Me?” Castiel said, knowing well enough that there was no one standing on the wall behind him. He glanced up at Dean, who had that playful look in his eyes. “Don’t look at me. I’m on my lunch break.”

Dean took the empty seat on Castiel side of the booth. “I didn’t know you worked here, Cas. You didn’t talk much about yourself yesterday.”

Castiel inhaled a deep breath, tightening his muscles. He couldn’t move farther away from Dean on the small seat, so he settled on having their arms touch, and sometimes even their legs and feet. “I’m waiting on a friend to have lunch, Dean.”

“Great,” Dean said in earnest. “The more the merrier.”

Castiel turned to Dean, and for a moment, he got hooked on the vibrant green of his eyes. Castiel looked away, feeling the back of his neck heat up all of a sudden. It was ridiculous, the amount of physical reactions his body was capable of. How was anyone able to hide anything this way?

“I don’t understand why you have to sit so close to me,” Castiel complained, scanning the menu again. “There’s this thing called personal space, and humans tend to value it.”

As if on cue, Dean threw his arm around Castiel’s shoulder. “Do I make you nervous?”

 _Extremely_. Castiel looked around the diner, but no one seemed to care about their little table in the corner. He didn’t know why it bothered him what people would think of them, seeing them in near proximity, speaking quietly to each other. It was all Dean’s doing, anyway.

“Dean, does Jo know about you?” Castiel asked, trying not to look straight into his eyes as he spoke to him.

“Yeah, she does,” Dean said easily. And then, he removed his arm. Castiel was conscious enough to admit that he missed the weight of Dean’s arm around his shoulder. Even after all these years playing the role of another human, Castiel hadn’t gotten used to physical contact. But Dean kept giving it to him, without asking for anything in return. “Every one of my friends knows about me.” Dean lowered his voice, leaning close to Castiel. “We used to be hunters.”

“Ah, I see.” Castiel nodded, understandingly. He had known about hunters. There were plenty of well-known hunters in Heaven. Some of them had been more important than others. Chosen, in fact, to do things beyond their expectations. But Castiel had abandoned the entire thing before he could get the full details.

“Cas?” Dean asked, shifting on his seat to face Castiel completely. As if they were both lifelong friends. “Have you told _anyone_ about you?”

In the four years he’d spent on earth as a human, Castiel had come across a few monsters and demons, but he had taken care of them instantly. Those were the only creatures that had known about him. “No,” was his only answer.

“Do you mind telling me why?” Dean asked, concerned.

Castiel pulled on his fingers under the table, a habit he formed throughout the years. “It’s easier that way.”

When Dean spoke again, his voice was gentle, soothing. “You have to trust someone.”

Castiel faced Dean, opening his mouth to protest, to come up with another excuse to shut him up. But words failed him. And his body betrayed him. Castiel smiled softly at him. “I can try.”

Dean looked beyond satisfied with that answer. He sat back on the seat, facing forward, and hooked his arm around Castiel’s shoulder again. “You should know that I found those cake decorating classes, and I signed us both up for them.”

“You did not.” Castiel sat up straight. _What the hell, Dean?_

Dean threw his head back in laughter, unable to contain it. “Yeah, I did, and you’re coming with me.”

Castiel rolled his eyes, picking up the menu and using it to smack it against Dean’s chest. “Assbutt.”

Dean laughed harder. “I like that. Let’s keep it.”

 


	3. Chapter 3

“There’s gotta be some irony in your situation,” Castiel said. “How does a hunter become a demon?”

Dean swallowed the food he was chewing, and then took a sip of his drink. “It’s a long story. Not very interesting.”

Castiel sipped his glass of water. “Somehow I don’t believe that.”

“Cas, I’m not going to talk about my trip to Hell with you, especially not here.” Dean took another bite of his cheeseburger, nodding his approval.

“What about the whole trust thing? Doesn’t that apply both ways?” Castiel asked, shifting in his seat when his stomach started grumbling from hunger. His salad was sitting untouched in front of him because he wouldn’t start eating without Anna.

Dean wiped his mouth with a napkin. “Yes, dear, but you don’t want to hear my story.”

“Yes, I do, Dean,” Castiel started, but Dean shot him a glance, raising his eyebrows. “What happened in Hell? What did they do to you?”

“I’m glad that you’re so interested in me,” Dean said, leaning back in the seat. “Trust me, this is wonderful. We should really consider eating all of our meals together from now on.” Dean raised a finger. “But I won’t bother you with my past.”

Castiel frowned. “Some friend you turned out to be.”

“At least you consider me a friend instead of a threat.” Dean grinned widely. “I call that a success.”

The familiar chime at the entrance of The Roadhouse came again. This time, it was Anna. _I can finally eat!_ Castiel nudged Dean’s ribs until he scooted out of the booth so that Castiel could get up to greet his friend.

“Castiel, I thought it would be just the two of us,” Anna said, casting suspicious glances over Castiel’s shoulders at Dean. “Who is he?”

Castiel leaned down to kiss Anna’s cheek and walked with her back to the table. He hovered there, standing between Dean and Anna. “Anna, I’d like you to meet my neighbor, Dean Winchester.”

Anna blinked at Dean. “The axe murderer.”

_Oh, for Christ’s sake._

“What?” Dean asked.

“Never mind,” Anna said, sliding into the seat opposite them. “So, what’s going on here?”

Castiel took his seat and then Dean slid in beside him. “Nothing,” Castiel said. “Dean came to visit an old friend and then decided to have lunch with us.”

“Well, Dean, it’s nice meeting you,” Anna said, setting her elbows on the table and entwining her hands in the air. Her sleek, fiery red hair rolled down to her shoulders. “I finally understand why Castiel was so paranoid over the phone.”

“Anna,” Castiel said, mentally face-palming himself. _Why couldn’t she shut up about it?_

Dean’s eyes lit up. “Cas talked about me over the phone?”

Anna nodded. “But I see you guys are friends now. Great. That’s great. I think I’ll just take my food to go. I have someplace to be.”

“Where do you have to be?” Castiel asked, appalled. Anna would never make plans that interfered with their plans.

Anna checked her wristwatch. “A work meeting. I’m sorry, Castiel. I can’t stay.” She got out of her seat, nearly tripping over another patron in her haste. “This was fun. Let’s do it again sometime.” Anna turned and rushed out of the place.

“That was strange,” Castiel said, staring at the door.

Dean shrugged. “Guess she didn’t expect to see a demon with her angel friend.”

Castiel turned to Dean, gaping at him. “Anna can’t possibly know you’re a demon, Dean. She’s human.”

Dean huffed. “Human, my ass. That woman’s just as fallen as you are, but she’s still an angel.”

“Is that a flirtation?” Castiel asked quickly, stiffening his jaw. “Because you’re a little late. Anna is gone.”

“No, Cas. Don’t you know? Anna’s an angel.” Dean picked up his burger and continued eating it, calm as ever.

Castiel heard his stomach grumbling again, but he no longer felt hungry. What he felt was sick. Anna was an angel, just like he used to be. Worst of all, she had been lying to him all this time. How did he not know this about her? How could she hide this from Casttiel, but not from a demon?

What else was Anna hiding from him?

***

Castiel paced his living room, tired of dialing Anna’s phone and being unable to reach her. It had been two hours. This was insane. All this time, Anna had been faking. She’d been lying to him…just like he’d been lying to her. Was their entire friendship a lie?

Castiel dialed Anna’s cell once more. The call went straight to voicemail. _Fuck._

“Anna, why aren’t you picking up? I need to talk with you. It’s urgent. Please give me a call. I’ll be waiting.”

Castiel sighed into the empty room. He felt utterly lonely in his big house. Usually, whenever he had a problem, he’d go straight to Anna, and she would listen to him for hours. But now who was he supposed to turn to?

_Fuck all._

He glanced at his TV, and then at his coffee table, where he spot his torn copy of _Of Mice and Men_. Gripping his phone in one hand, Castiel picked up the book, and headed outside. In his front porch, Castiel had a rocking chair he bought at a thrift store. The thing was ancient, but in great condition. He sat down, placed the phone on his lap, and started reading where he left off.

Just as Castiel got deeply invested in the co-dependency of George and Lenny, he heard the sound of a hammer banging against wood. Castiel looked to his right, where he found Dean and Sam trying to build their fence. Dean waved at him, and Castiel lifted up his book as a universal indication that he wanted to be left alone. At that, Dean simply smiled and nodded.

Attempting to focus back on his book, Castiel went inside to retrieve his headphones, and returned to his reading spot. He put his headphones on, and played only soft music so that it wouldn’t distract him from his reading. That usually worked to keep all other unwanted noises out.

Minutes later, though, Dean stood in Castiel’s front lawn, sweaty and dirty all over. He waved again, smiling openly.

Castiel placed his bookmark in his book, closed it, and removed his headphones. “Yes?”

“What are you listening to?” Dean wondered, climbing up the short steps. He stood close to Castiel, hands on his hips. Dean’s muscle shirt left little to the imagination, and Castiel tried his best not to stare at his glistening biceps.

“Uh, just a little bit of everything,” Castiel said. “Soft music.”

“Give me an example,” Dean insisted, squatting next to Castiel’s rocking chair, patiently waiting for his response.

Castiel stammered, searching through his iPhone’s song library to find the least humiliating song. He settled on something mild. “ _Goodnight My Angel_ by Billy Joel,” Castiel said. “It’s one of my favorites.”

Dean looked amused for a second. “I never pegged you as a Billy Joel fan.”

“Are you kidding? The man’s a genius.”

“That’s debatable,” Dean said, smirking. “What else you got?”

Castiel cleared his throat, searching for something that was less known so that Dean would cease his criticism. “ _Tiger Mountain Peasant Song_ by Fleet Foxes.”

“Can I listen?” Dean asked, a bit sheepishly. It was endearing to see Dean this way, so Castiel carefully placed his headphones on Dean’s head and played the song. Dean smiled gratefully, making a hand gesture to indicate that Castiel increased the volume. Castiel did, and he could almost hear the beautiful song sitting a short distance from Dean.

Dean closed his eyes halfway through the song, and Castiel heard him humming to himself as he enjoyed the music. In an instant, Dean had gone from an annoyance to a pleasure. Castiel had to contain the urge to reach with his hand to touch his face painted with all of his freckles. They were more visible in sunlight than anywhere else. Dean’s face was perfectly manufactured. Castiel felt this immense gratitude to his Father for making someone so…indescribable. At least God didn’t disappoint him there.

But enough about absent fathers. Castiel wanted to take in this moment, for as long as he could.

When the song ended, Dean removed the headphones and handed them back to Castiel, letting their hands brush slightly. “I hope you’re aware of your excellent taste in music.” Dean chuckled to himself. “What else was to be expected, right? You’re you.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Castiel asked, utterly confused.

“I should get back to work,” Dean said, ignoring Castiel’s question and getting back up. “Sam will whine nonstop if I don’t help him with the fence.”

Castiel decided to let go of the first matter. “Why do you have to build a fence at all?”

Wiping some of his sweat with his forearm, Dean took a few steps back, looking uncomfortable. “It’s precautionary.”

“Dean, I can assure you no one in this neighborhood will try to break into your property.” Castiel tried not to lose his cool over this conversation, but it irked him to think that Dean and Sam didn’t trust these people, him included.

“I think I heard Sam calling me,” Dean said, walking down the steps in a rush.

“No, Sam didn’t call you,” Castiel said sternly. “Dean, what are you hiding?”

“I’ll come by later,” Dean said, turning and walking away.

Shaking his head, Castiel sighed. It appeared that everyone had their share of secrets.

***

Anna called Castiel right after he finished getting ready for bed. Castiel tried to juggle his phone in his hands as he rolled into his gray T-shirt that matched his sweatpants. Exasperated, Castiel ran a hand through his wet hair as he answered.

“Hello?”

“Castiel, listen to me before you say anything,” Anna said hurriedly over the line. Castiel remained silent, jumping into bed and crossing his legs as he sat on the edge. “I know your new friend probably told you about me already. I’ve been doing my best to hide my true self from you for my own reasons. That’s not the point right now, Castiel. I am your friend, and all I’ve wanted these years is to help and guide you through your new life. I’m just like you. I gave it all up to be here, to live as _they_ all do. I followed into your footsteps when I heard about your decision.”

Everything came back to him. His buried memories of Heaven were pulled right out into his conscious, and Castiel remembered his past life. All of the names that his human mind had forgotten. It was all coming back. Anna. His superior. Anna and Castiel had worked together for lifetimes. They had worked in the same garrison.

“At first, I didn’t want you to know me for fear that you would be disappointed,” Anna continued. “You looked up to me before the end. I swear, Castiel, I tried to stay away from you for as long as I could. But I missed my family, my friends.”

“Is it really you?” Castiel asked, his voice grainy and hopeful. “Anna?”

“Yes, Castiel,” Anna said. “Did you miss me?”

Castiel swallowed, taken aback by the sudden confession. “Are there others? Other angels nearby?”

Anna was quiet for a moment. “No. Not that I know of. I have tried to contact them, the ones who still have their grace. I still hear their voices. I hear them all the time, Castiel. Things are getting worse up there.”

Worry struck Castiel like a cannonball. He had tried so hard to leave his past life behind, but he never stopped wondering what had been of his brothers and sisters. He knew that he could do nothing to help them now, and that it was useless to worry for them now. But that didn’t stop it from happening.

“Please, don’t tell me,” Castiel pleaded, closing his eyes. “I can’t handle it. The guilt, the pain, the concern. I haven’t learned to control any of it.”

“Neither have I,” Anna said. “I’m sorry, Castiel, for keeping the truth from you.”

Castiel opened his eyes, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. “Anna, do you think any of my brothers would come if I called them?”

“I don’t know. I really don’t know.”

“Alright,” Castiel said, resigned. It was too much to ask for, anyway. It was idiotic to keep wishing for a miracle. Former angels weren’t granted any of those.

“Are you going to be okay?”

“Of course,” Castiel said, trying to sound convincing. “Goodbye, Anna.”

“Bye, Castiel.”

***

Castiel opened the door with a half empty bottle of scotch in one hand. He hiccupped at the sight of Dean, bathed and perfumed. Castiel didn’t dare glance at his sloppy nighttime attire in comparison; he simply dragged Dean inside by the hand and shut the door behind him.

“Want a sip?” Castiel said, offering the bottle to Dean. His vision was making him see double. He nearly fell on his ass, but thankfully, the couch was behind him to cushion his fall.

Dean sat beside him, not saying a word. There was a look of judgment in his face, but Castiel didn’t bother examining it.

“Fine, if you don’t want any of my alcohol, don’t drink any of my alcohol.” Castiel took a long sip of his scotch, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

“What’s wrong?” Dean asked quietly, grimacing at Castiel like he had done something wrong. “You’re drunk.”

“ _Ding, ding, ding, ding_ ,” Castiel said loudly. “Ladies and gentleman, we have a winner!”

“Cas, if you want me to leave, just say the word,” Dean said. “I came to see if you wanted to hang out. We cleaned up the place. Maybe you’d like a tour.”

Castiel laughed, slouching back on the couch. His current position made it hard to drink his scotch without it spilling, but he did it anyway. “Oh, yeah, why don’t you take me to your magical palace and make all of my dreams come true? I would love that.”

Dean glared at him. “I don’t know what’s got you so upset, but don’t take it out on me.”

“I can do whatever the hell I want,” Castiel said, taking a long swig of his drink. It didn’t even burn as it went down anymore. He was entirely numb, inside and out.

“Okay,” Dean said. “I’m going to go.” Dean tried to get up, but Castiel reacted quickly, grabbing his forearm and yanking him back down.

“Don’t go,” Castiel whispered. His voice cracked, and Castiel almost lost it. Dean’s eyes softened and he seemed to understand that all of this was just for show. This wasn’t Castiel. “Stay with me. I don’t want to be alone.”

“Let’s get you to bed,” Dean said, pulling the nearly empty bottle of scotch from Castiel’s strong grip. “Hand it over, Cas.”

“Okay, okay, take it,” Castiel said, releasing the bottle.

Dean put the bottle on the dinner table and came back to the couch, where he hauled Castiel up. Dean draped one of Castiel’s arms around his shoulder and guided him into the bedroom. Castiel didn’t realize at what point he’d started crying, because it was completely silent. Except that his face was damped, and no matter how much he tried, the tears wouldn’t stop escaping him.

Once Dean put him in bed, under the covers, Castiel felt increasingly better. The crying hadn’t stopped, but at least he wasn’t alone anymore. Dean sat on the bed right next to him. It was a big enough bed for both of them, but Dean didn’t take his chance, didn’t take advantage. He just sat there against the headboard.

“I’m ruining your clothes,” Castiel mumbled. His mouth was pressed against Dean’s abdomen, and his arm was resting over Dean’s lap.

Dean’s ran his fingers softly over Castiel’s hair, while his other hand cupped his tear-streaked face. “Don’t worry about my clothes.”

“Thank you for staying with me,” Castiel muttered, his eyes fluttering close. The touch of Dean’s fingers on his hair was lulling him to sleep. The scent of Dean’s warm body was the only thing keeping him awake.

“That’s what I’m here for,” Dean whispered.

“Okay,” Castiel slurred, from both the alcohol and sleepiness.

“Sleep, Cas,” Dean said. “Everything will be better in the morning.”

“I believe you.”


	4. Chapter 4

**"I'm gonna kiss you like the sun browns you."**

[Alt-J - _Every Other Freckle_ ]

* * *

 

It was morning when Castiel opened his eyes. His eyes felt dry, but other than that, he was fine. What had awoken him was Dean’s soft voice as he spoke on his cell phone. Dean remained in the same position Castiel saw him the previous night, sitting up against the headboard, and Castiel still rested his head on Dean’s lap, hugging his legs. Castiel didn’t move or speak, and he shut his eyes again when he felt Dean’s fingers combing his hair.

“I’m fine, Sammy,” Dean muttered. “No, I promise I’m still drinking that holy water shit, and it still burns the fuck out of me.” He paused. “It’s not what you’re thinking. Cas and I are just friends. I wouldn’t use him like that. He’s a good guy.”

Castiel breathed quietly, chewing on his bottom lip. There he went again, eavesdropping on a conversation. Except this time, he was the topic.

“I doubt I’m invited to that,” Dean said. “Ellen hates me, and for good reason. Besides, I have to finish up that fence. They might be close. But I’m warning you, Sammy, I won’t spend the rest of my demonic life locked up in our house. That’s not living. I’d rather get dragged back to Hell.” Dean hesitated. “Not literally.”

Castiel froze, his eyes flying open. Dean was in trouble. And that fence wasn’t to prevent a human break-in. It was to keep something much worse out. _Dean, what have you gotten yourself into?_

Still motionless, Castiel waited until Dean hung up the phone to lift his head up and peer up at him. The movement made Dean’s hand slip down to his back. Dean was gazing out the window, his lips in a deep frown.

“Dean,” Castiel said, sitting up in bed and rubbing his weary eyes.

“Good morning,” Dean said, facing him with a forced smile. “How’d you sleep?”

“Fine,” Castiel said. “What about you? Did you sleep sitting down?”

Dean shrugged. “I’m a demon, remember?”

“Demons sleep,” Castiel said, although he wasn’t so sure anymore. It was odd, how some of his memories were clearer than others. After he lost his grace, Castiel lost the majority of his memories, his knowledge of all creations. It wasn’t something he dwelled on, until he picked up a few religious texts. He found he couldn’t read in Enochian anymore, even though the books stated that angels could. The only things he knew were that he had been an angel of the lord, a warrior in Heaven, surrounded by his brothers and sisters, who shared his longing of their absent Father. And now he was mortal.

But Anna had been able to give him some of those lost memories back, when she confessed the truth. Now he remembered more. He remembered his garrison, and every member of it. He remembered his tasks. He remembered the type of soldier he was, the most loyal, the bravest. How did he go from that to this? From a mighty angel to a simple human?

The sudden urge to drown himself in copious amounts of alcohol fell on him. That was it. That was the reason why the immense transition from an angelic being to a human being had been so radical that he had lost the majority of his memories. Because otherwise, Castiel wouldn’t be able to endure the great loss. He had taken advantage of free will, and he had been protected from the pain that came with _remembering_.

“I can sleep,” Dean said. “I just didn’t want to.”

“I—I’m sorry, for the way I acted last night. I shouldn’t have forced you to stay with me. That was imprudent.”

Dean waved away the apology. “Don’t mention it. How about we go make some breakfast? You like bacon and eggs?”

Castiel laid a hand on Dean’s chest, stopping him from getting out of bed. “We should talk about this.”

“We can talk about anything you want after breakfast,” Dean said, laying his hand over Castiel’s. He glanced into Castiel’s eyes and he squeezed his hand, and then he lowered both of their hands. “You look beautiful in the morning.”

Castiel flushed, following Dean with his gaze as he climbed out of bed and exited the room.

***

“How do you take your coffee?” Dean asked, setting the coffee maker.

“I don’t drink coffee,” Castiel said, staring at his plate filled with scrambled eggs, hash browns, and bacon. This was by far way more than his usual breakfast oatmeal. It definitely smelled delicious.

Dean looked up from the countertop. “Then why do you have a coffee maker?”

Castiel shrugged, setting his elbows on the table. “All humans have them.”

“Cas, there’s no rule stating what humans must and must not own in order to be normal,” Dean said, although it sounded more like a lecture than a friendly tip. “Not that I’m complaining about the coffee.” Dean grabbed a mug and filled his cup, and then carried it over to the dinner table where he took his place beside Castiel.

“No one’s ever made me breakfast,” Castiel said, a bit sheepishly.

Dean snorted. “You should hang out with me more often.”

“Dean, why—”

“Cas,” Dean cut him off. He took a sip of his black coffee before he continued. “You keep asking me questions, but I haven’t been able to ask a single question in this whole ordeal. That doesn’t seem fair.”

Castiel blinked, cocking his head. “What would you like to ask?”

Dean ate his breakfast with a type of hunger Castiel hadn’t seen much of before. Dean simply acted on whatever he was feeling without any sense of caution. He didn’t worry about what anyone thought of him because he swallowed bacon piece after piece.

Castiel ate some of his food, mostly he just observed Dean with narrowed eyes as he made tiny noises of pleasure. After he cleared half of his plate, Dean took another sip of his coffee, and cleared his throat. “Well, I want to hear your story.”

“My story?” Castiel asked, confused. “I don’t have one.”

“Everyone has a story, Cas,” Dean said, patiently, scooting his chair in closer to the table. “Here’s what I’ve gathered so far, and please, correct me if I’m wrong. You were an angel. And then you fell on earth. And now you’re trapped here to live your life as a human.”

“Not quite.” Castiel sighed, rubbing a hand on his face. “I was an angel, yes. But I am here now because it was my decision.”

“Huh,” Dean contemplated, staring firmly at Castiel as he continued.

“You see, I had a lot of responsibilities in Heaven,” Castiel said, unsure how to best explain his so called “story” without making himself sound like a coward. “I don’t remember everything. My memories come and go. But I do remember something. I remember following orders from an unknown leader. I remember being forced to do things that felt wrong. My father had been missing, for centuries on end. I was lost, Dean.” Castiel looked away, seeing things clearer now that he was talking about them. “I heard of others trading their graces for a soul. It sounded absurd. I never thought I’d do the same. Not until mentions of an upcoming apocalypse. Nothing was right, Dean. It was my brothers who wanted to destroy the earth for their own enjoyment.”

“So you left?” Dean asked. There wasn’t any judgment in his voice, but Castiel felt that he deserved it.

Castiel nodded once. “I went to see the one in charge of the trades. These are my foggier memories. I don’t remember who it was, but he made the switch. All I had to do was find a soon-to-be empty vessel. I found a dying man named Jimmy Novak. He agreed to give me his vessel, and in return I offered to ward his family against all evil, which I did while I still had my grace. And so when he passed, his soul left his body and mine occupied it. That is how I ended up here.”

“What happened to your grace?” Dean wondered, wrinkling his forehead.

“I haven’t the faintest idea.” What Castiel had done, he realized, was insane. Giving away his grace for a soul? That would be like trading a car for a bike. “All I remember was thinking how…happier my existence would be if I were human, if I had the ability to _feel_ , anything and everything.” His voice took on a wistful tone near the end.

“And what do you feel now, Cas?” Dean asked. There was a glint in his green eyes, sort of hypnotizing.

Castiel stared at him for a long while, squinting as he pondered that. “I feel pleasant.”

“Pleasant?”

“Yes. Because for the first time since I joined the mortal world, I didn’t wake alone. Instead, I had you by my side. And then you went a step further and made me breakfast. But you didn’t do any of it expecting sex. You did it because you are kind.”

“Have you really never slept with anyone on the same bed?”

Castiel rolled his eyes. “Is that the only thing you got from what I said?”

“I just find it hard to believe that you haven’t…well…” Dean motioned with his hand.

Castiel shifted in his seat. “I never had occasion.”

“I get that you’re an angel, and you value your virtue, but, buddy, sex is one of the greatest aspects of humanity—aside from pie, obviously.” Dean sat back in his chair, smirking at him. “All you gotta do is find the right person.”

Castiel tried to think back on how they ended up on this subject, but he kept getting distracted by the look on Dean’s eyes, pinning him down. He shook his head, clearing his mind before his thoughts lead him into dangerous grounds. “I have to work today. I need to shower and get ready.”

Dean frowned at that. “But I was hoping I’d show you around my house. I have to finish up that fence today because tomorrow we have our first cake decorating class together.”

“Dean,” Castiel grumbled, pushing out of his chair and picking up his plate. “I don’t appreciate being dragged into things.” _The fence._ What the hell was Dean trying to keep out? Castiel spun around, setting his plate back on the table and his palms on the table. He leaned down, inching his face closer to Dean’s so that he had his full attention. “I need to know why you’re putting up that fence. Tell me.”

Dean raised an eyebrow. “So demanding.” He stalled for a bit by licking his lips a few times. Castiel was getting the hang of Dean’s tricks, and he wouldn’t fall for that one. His dark blue eyes remained holding Dean’s gaze. “Alright, fine, I’ll tell you,” Dean finally said, letting out a long breath. Castiel smiled, moving his face away to give Dean room to breathe. “It was Sam’s idea. He doesn’t trust this neighborhood yet. He says he can’t sleep soundly without more protection. Also, don’t tell him I said this, but he likes to frolic. You should see him, running around in the house like a five year old.”

Skeptical, Castiel narrowed his eyes. “I find that hard to imagine.”

“Don’t take my word for it,” Dean said, standing up. “Come see for yourself.”

“I have to work.” Castiel sighed, putting his dirty dishes in the sink. It was useless, attempting to get the truth out of Dean. Sam had been completely wrong when he said Dean was honest.

Dean joined him in the kitchen, this time leaning against the sink rather than shoving Castiel to the fridge. Castiel started with the dishes, throwing Dean wary sideway glances as he worked. “So come over when you get off from work. Ellen won’t be there today because she’s hosting a dinner party, which I won’t be attending.”

“You and Jo seem to get along,” Castiel commented, focusing on the soapy water in the sink.

“Yeah, we’re good friends,” Dean said, folding his arms. “It’s really nothing more. I wouldn’t go for it knowing Ellen was ready to shoot me the minute I stepped out of line. There’s no point in ruining a friendship, right?”

Castiel nodded absently. The thought of Dean dating Jo made him feel oddly strange inside. It wasn’t a positive feeling either. But it had always been hard to put a name on everything Castiel felt. There were so many things he still had left to understand.

“Why?” Dean asked, curiously, bending in a weird way to get Castiel to meet his eyes. Once Castiel did, Dean smiled warmly. “Are you interested?”

“In Jo? No, she’s beautiful, but she’s too young for me.” Castiel finished with the dishes and let the water disappear down the drain, watching until his sink cleared away before drying his hands on a paper towel. “Not to mention how inappropriate it would be for me to flirt with the boss’ daughter.”

Dean wagged a finger in front of him. “You have a way of avoiding questions, you know. It’s a talent.”

“Oh,” Castiel said, suppressing a grin. He pressed a hand to his chest. “Were you asking about you?”

Dean laughed, easy and open. In that moment, Castiel realized how comfortable it was to be in Dean’s company. Dean was hardly ever troubled, and his good mood seemed to be infectious, because Castiel always found himself with a smile. Contrary to the majority of humans, Castiel never had to worry that he might say the wrong thing around Dean, because Dean wasn’t waiting to gather enough evidence to use against him.

When his laughter died down, Dean clapped a hand on Castiel’s shoulder. “I’ll see you after work tonight.”

“You sound sure about that.”

“Oh, I am.” Dean went in the bedroom to retrieve his shoes, and headed to the front door. “Don’t leave me waiting too long.”

Amused, Castiel shook his head, watching as Dean vanished from his sight, leaving only the trace of his laughter behind.


	5. Chapter 5

**"I'm up on the tight wire, one side's ice and one is fire. It's a circus game with you and me."**

[Leon Russell - _Tight Rope_ ]

* * *

 

Saturdays at work were the hardest. Castiel rushed from table to table, bustling as he took and delivered orders from customers. There wasn’t much to the job, aside from being polite and friendly, getting the orders right, and not dropping the food or spilling the drinks.

Castiel glanced at the clock on the wall that told him it was getting late. It was almost eleven o’clock, and he could finally leave. Dean had been right about the dinner party, because Jo and Ash had left early, and Ellen hadn’t even shown up. Castiel was in charge of closing up shop, and he was alone behind the front counter, waiting on a single customer in the corner to finish his coffee.

The old man took his last sips, removed his hat, and waved at Castiel as he left the diner. Castiel gave an exhausted sigh, quickly picking up the empty cup, wiping the table, and shutting all the lights as he headed outside. Castiel turned the sign from OPEN to CLOSED and locked the door to The Roadhouse.

His feet were killing him, and he ran a hand through his hair as he made his way to his old, red Honda civic. He unlocked his car and climbed in, reclining his head against the seat for a moment. The quiet only made him anxious, so Castiel started the car and turned on the radio to an oldies station.

“Hello, Clarence,” a voice said from behind his seat. Castiel tensed immediately, clenching his hands into fists as he heard the movement of fabric—leather, most likely. And then a head popped up from the backseat.

She had fair skin, red lips, black eyes, and long, wavy hair. And then, he knew that this wasn’t just a woman who’d snuck into his car for whatever motives. She was a demon. Castiel swallowed hard. The woman laughed at him.

“Don’t look at me like that,” she said, sounding offended. “I know for a fact that my vessel is very easy on the eyes. I was enchanted the moment I saw her. She put up a fight. I think I _might_ respect her.”

“What do you want?” Castiel muttered, gripping the steering wheel. The Beatles were harmonizing in the background, and Castiel was counting down the seconds he had left to live. He had no way to save himself. His only protection was an anti-possession tattoo he had on his arm. But he knew there were ways to get past that obstacle.

“I need a little favor, Clarence,” she said, and then she climbed to the passenger seat. She wore black leather from head to toes. Castiel scooted away from her, reaching for the door handle. “Come on, you’re insulting me. Do you really think you can run away from me, angel? I’m faster than your burned wings.”

Castiel scowled at her. “Who are you?”

“You can call me Meg,” she said, her voice silky smooth. “Save the introduction. I know who you are, Castiel.”

Dumbfounded, Castiel blinked at her. “How—”

“Boy, do you ask a lot of questions,” Meg said, flicking her hair back. She made herself comfortable on the seat, resting her booted feet on the dashboard. “So, here’s what’s going to happen. You’re going to make yourself useful and give me a lift. I need to meet your friend.”

“What friend? What the hell are you talking about?”

Meg faced him, smiling knowingly. “It’s a good thing you’re pretty, Clarence, because you’re making me impatient.”

“Look, just do what you have to do,” Castiel said, realizing the weight of his words. He couldn’t believe how low he had fallen. He was allowing a demon to take his life without putting up a fight. “I’m too tired to stop you.”

“I’m not going to slice your throat, if that’s what you’re thinking,” Meg said, closing her eyes and relaxing further. “Take me to your demon friend and we’ll each go our own way.”

 _Dean? Was this what Dean had been running from?_ “I can’t do that,” Castiel said. Lying wouldn’t help much in this situation. Not if she already knew this much about him.

Meg didn’t seem worried about the refusal. She kept her eyes closed, her feet rocking on the dashboard. “I know he’s your neighbor. I’d go there by my lonesome, but I need some type of leverage.”

That was absolutely nonsensical. “So, you’re using me because you think Dean will want to, what, save me?”

Meg hummed. “That’s the plan.”

“We met three days ago,” Castiel said, feeling the need to argue, even if it endangered his chances of survival. “I don’t think your plan will work.”

Meg opened her eyes, grinning confidently at Castiel. “I don’t need your input, Clarence. Just drive. I’ve had a long day.”

_You’re telling me._

Castiel exhaled, glancing one last time at his passenger before backing out of the parking lot and heading home.

***

“What are you going to do to him?” Castiel asked as he approached his street. He was driving intentionally slow, stalling the inevitable.

Meg opened her eyes and smirked at him. “You like him, don’t you?”

“Please, I hardly know him,” Castiel said, clearing his throat. “I worry for him, yes.”

“Yeah, sure, let’s go with that,” Meg said, chuckling. She was quiet for a moment. “Dean has a high price on his head. In simpler terms, I’m one of his bounty hunters.”

“So there are more?” Castiel’s heart was racing just thinking about what that meant for Dean.

“I won’t personally harm the guy,” Meg said. “I’m just here to escort him back to Hell.”

Castiel hit the brakes at a stop sign, but he didn’t move when it was his turn. He turned to Meg, wide eyed. He knew pleading with her wouldn’t change her mind. “Why is he wanted so badly? Aren’t demons allowed to roam the earth as they please? Why is Dean so special?”

“That’s on a need-to-know basis, Clarence. I’m afraid I can’t spill that information to just any pretty angel.”

_Stall her as much as you can, Castiel, you can’t let her take Dean._

“If you wanted Dean so desperately, why didn’t you break into his house earlier? Why did you have to wait for me?” Castiel asked.

Meg sighed. “Tonight is the perfect night. Somehow I knew Dean would return to his hometown. I just needed to find him alone in the house. His brother might not look like much, but he’s a great hunter. I should know, we have history.” She reached for the radio, changing the stations until she settled on a pop station. “Modern music is such garbage, isn’t it?”

Castiel tried to ignore the fact that Sam had some past connection with this particular demon. “And you couldn’t break into his home without me…”

“Because Dean thinks I’m stupid enough to fall for his trap,” Meg said, finishing his sentence. “He put up a fence and painted a devil’s trap on his front lawn. The entire place is guarded against demons. I don’t know how he lives there.”

Realization dawned on him, at last. “Basically, you need me to lure Dean outside while Sam is out, so you can kidnap him.”

Meg grinned at him, with something resembling pride. “I knew you would catch up.”

Finally, Castiel drove ahead in silence. He turned into his street, slowing down as he got near his and Dean’s houses. Castiel was busy thinking of a plan that could counterattack Meg’s. He didn’t have much as he parked his Honda in his driveway. He shared a glance with Meg before they both exited the car and slammed the doors.

Dean’s house was dark and quiet. His fence was finished. It was fairly high, and it was still unpainted. He could see the yellow glow of his front porch light. Meg stood beside him, giving him a gentle but firm shove forward.

“Go ahead, Clarence,” Meg said. “I’ll be waiting out here listening to every word you speak, so don’t try anything funny.”

Castiel nodded at her. He went and opened the gate door of the fence, which was unlocked, and let himself in. There was indeed a devil’s trap painted with something Castiel couldn’t discern. It filled the entire front lawn.

_Think fast. Think, Castiel._

He walked up the steps to the front porch and rang the doorbell. Dean answered in record time. He seemed to notice Castiel’s tension because his smile faltered almost instantly. Castiel lowered his eyes until he spotted the glass in Dean’s hand. It looked like wine.

“What’s the matter, Cas?” Dean asked.

“Nothing,” Castiel answered quickly. And then he extended his hand out. Dean merely stared at it suspiciously, but then he shook his hand. “I’m sorry I’m late. I just got off work.”

Dean nodded. “No worries. I’m glad you made it.”

Castiel yanked Dean’s hand forward, hard enough to make him drop the glass from his other hand, and it hit the ground, shattering into pieces.

“Shit,” Dean said, staring at the mess at his feet. “Let me clean this up.” He turned and headed back inside.

Castiel rushed to the gate, swung it open, and found Meg standing there, waiting for answers. He was determined. He knew what he had to do. “Have you ever been with an angel?”

“What are you talking about? Where’s Dean?”

“Because I’ve never been with a demon, and I…I want you,” Castiel gasped, his body was shaking frantically. He was terrified and unexperienced and this had better fucking work.

Meg was stunned hearing this revelation, and Castiel took his chance. He reached for Meg, holding her face in his hands, and he pulled her in for a kiss. The moment their lips touched, Castiel spun her around. Meg didn’t kiss him back immediately, not until Castiel tangled his fingers in her hair and then nipped on her lower lip. With a moan, Meg returned the heated kiss, sliding her hands around his waist and pulling him close. Castiel used this momentary distraction to slowly push her backwards into Dean’s front lawn.

He couldn’t see clearly in the night, but he counted his steps and figured they were safe there. Castiel was trying not to focus on the fact that his body was actually enjoying this moment when he pulled away, backing up a few steps until he was out of the trap.

Meg and Castiel held each other’s gaze, both panting in place. Meg touched the tips of her fingers to her lips. There was disappointment mixed with lust in her eyes, and Castiel looked away.

“Excellent work, Cas, but I could have done with less tongue,” Dean said. Castiel looked up at him, standing on the front porch with a traumatized look in his face. And then he turned to Meg, who was fully trapped. “It was disgusting enough seeing you kissing my baby brother, but now I have to put up with you smacking on my angel?”

Castiel tilted his head at the mention of “my angel.” There were many things wrong with that phrasing, but Castiel liked it nonetheless.

“Let’s get her inside,” Dean said, his monotone voice void of emotion.

***

Meg was trapped under another devil’s trap in an empty room in Dean’s house. Castiel and Dean stood in front of her, waiting for Meg to tell them something useful.

“Did she say why they’re looking for me?” Dean asked Castiel, folding his arms over his chest.

“She couldn’t tell me,” Castiel said, evading eye contact with Meg. Demon or not, Castiel was a dick to her.

“Is this about Sam?” Dean asked her, raising his voice.

Meg grinned deviously. “Not this time.”

“Okay,” Dean said easily, pulling out a knife from an inside pocket of his jacket. “If you’re not going to talk, we might as well end this.” Dean walked closer, lifting the knife to stab her in the chest.

“Dean, wait!” Castiel cried.

“Why?” Dean asked, turning around. “You gonna make out again? You wanna use my room for the night? Go right ahead.”

Castiel snorted, trying to be patient with him. “Dean, she stole an innocent woman’s body. You can’t harm her. And she might know something regarding your…other bounty hunters.”

Dean put his knife back in his pocket. “Are you going to talk?” he asked her.

“Oh sure, yeah, I’ll talk,” Meg said. “As soon as I tell you what I know you’re going to kill me, so yeah, I’ll talk.”

“Exorcise her,” Dean told Castiel. “I’ll leave the room.”

“Dean,” Castiel said, reaching a hand toward Dean as he walked past him, but Dean pulled away. He slammed the bedroom door behind him.

Castiel winced, rubbing a hand on his face. He was so tired. He didn’t need this, any of this. But he knew Dean needed his help. He felt Meg’s eyes on him, and when he finally made eye contact, she glared at him. Castiel grimaced.

“It would have never worked out between us,” Meg said, pacing in the small circle.

“I couldn’t let you take him,” Castiel said. Since when did he offer explanations to a demon? This friendship with Dean was changing him.

“I know,” Meg said, stopping suddenly. “But I wouldn’t go for it if I were you. Dean is trouble. More than you can imagine. The Winchesters are cursed for an eternity. And if you get involved in this, you might never get out.”

Castiel controlled his expression, leaving his face blank. He wouldn’t let her see through him. “Before I send you back to Hell, tell me how many more are coming for him.”

“So many,” Meg said, laughing. “So many that you have no chance in winning this war.”

Castiel closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. _What the hell are we going to do?_

“Getting rid of me won’t solve your problems. I promise you I’m the friendliest from the bunch,” Meg assured him.

“Goodbye,” Castiel said. He managed to exorcise her without any remorse.

***

Castiel found Dean sprawled on the couch in the living room with his headphones on and his eyes closed. Castiel knelt near his head, and gently removed the headphones from his ears. Surprised, Dean opened his eyes, looking up at him in alarm until he saw who it was.

“How are you doing?” Castiel asked softly. Dean looked as exhausted as Castiel felt.

“Is it done?” Dean asked, leaning up on his elbows.

Castiel nodded, and then he rested his forehead on Dean’s chest, feeling the weight of his day fall on his shoulders. There was no way to run away from problems because they existed in both Heaven and Earth. He had to endure them as they came. There was no other escape.

“What about the girl?” Dean asked.

“She passed out,” Castiel said. “We have to take her back home, maybe get her checked for any injuries.”

“I know, I know. How was your day?” Dean asked, running his hands through Castiel’s hair. “Did she sneak up on you at work?”

“I’m tired,” Castiel complained, raising his head. He rested his chin on Dean’s chest, frowning at him. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Cas, don’t be so worried, alright? I won’t let anything happen to you.”

“It’s not that, Dean,” Castiel said. “I’m just tired.” He poked Dean’s side. “Sit up, make some room for me.”

Dean snickered, and Castiel realized he was ticklish. He sat up and patted the empty space beside him on the couch. Castiel sat down heavily, rubbing his temples. He removed his shoes and leaned back, breathing in the incense in the house. That was new. Castiel looked around the new and improved Winchester house. It was significantly nicer than the first time he stepped in it. There was even art hung up on the walls.

“Nice home décor,” Castiel said, facing Dean. Dean was already gazing at him, with an intensity Castiel hadn’t been expecting.

“I still can’t believe you kissed her,” Dean muttered, narrowing his eyes.

“It was just a kiss,” Castiel said. “It meant nothing.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes, Dean.”

“Prove it,” Dean said, shifting on the couch.

“How could I possibly prove that to you?” Castiel asked.

“Kiss me.”

“What?”

“Kiss me.”

Castiel’s eyes flickered from Dean’s eyes to his lips. They looked painfully soft and inviting. “Very well.”

Dean looked shocked that Castiel agreed so quickly. Castiel leaned in and pressed their lips together. It was a chaste kiss, lacking in passion but not in emotion. Castiel opened his mouth and allowed Dean to press his tongue against his. Castiel ran his hands up Dean’s shoulders, gripping him there, while Dean’s hands cupped Castiel’s face and his thumbs stroked his cheekbones.

Castiel nearly lost it when Dean sucked on the tip of his tongue, and he suddenly forgot the point that he was trying to prove. Dean’s breath was warm, and his lips were tender and sweet against his. There was no comparison between what had happened with Meg and what was happening with Dean.

“Uh, guys, what is going on here?”

Castiel pulled away, shoving Dean away from him. Sam stood at the front door, removing his coat and hanging it up on the coat hanger. Dean’s lips were red, and so were his ears. He was blushing. Castiel tried to contain a smile.

“Cas was trying to prove that kissing isn’t a big deal,” Dean said, standing up.

“What’s the verdict?” Sam asked, closing the front door and approaching them. He didn’t seem to buy Dean’s story.

Dean turned back to Castiel. “I think it’s safe to say that we both know the results of our test.”

Castiel rose from the couch, greeting Sam. “I apologize for what happened, especially because there are more present issues at hand. There is a woman in your spare bedroom, passed out on the floor. We have to take her home.”

“Dean, come on!” Sam protested.

“Demon,” Dean said. “Took care of it.”

Sam frowned at both of them. “Unbelievable. Would you two behave while I go check on her? Keep your hands to yourselves, for crying out loud.”

Castiel turned to Dean, frowning. “You heard him.”

“I’m being good,” Dean said, dignified.

Castiel rolled his eyes. “Please, even you don’t believe that.”

“I have my moments.”


	6. Chapter 6

**"I don't know what I have done. I'm turning myself into a demon."**

[Fleet Foxes - _Tiger Mountain Peasant Song_ ]

* * *

 

Sam stepped back into the living room. He stopped a few feet away from Dean and Castiel. He looked stressed beyond repair.

“Dean, do you have any idea how much trouble we’re in?” Sam said, speaking evenly despite his disheveled appearance. “All three of us could be arrested. I’m the lawyer here. I’m supposed to get you out of trouble, but now I’m an accomplice.”

“Relax, Sammy,” Dean said, spreading out his hands. “No one’s getting arrested. Cas and I will take her to the emergency room at the nearest hospital and leave her there.”

Shaking his head, Sam turned around, pacing back and forth. “What did she tell you? Did you recognize her?”

Dean shared a glance with Castiel. “Yeah. It was Meg who possessed her. Got a change of meat suit since the last one she used didn’t make it.”

Sam stopped on his track, staring up at Dean in shock. “Meg? _Meg?_ The same Meg we met not so long ago?”

“Speak for yourself,” Dean said, crinkling his forehead. “I spent four years in Hell, which translates more or less to five lifetimes.” Dean ran a hand through his head. “Not the point, okay? Forget I said that. We should be worried about why she showed up in the first place.”

“Did she say anything?” Sam wondered, rubbing the back of his neck. “They’re looking for you, aren’t they? Because you ditched Hell.”

Castiel cleared his throat, stepping one foot forward. “I asked Meg the same thing. She seemed to have grander reasons for wanting to take Dean back to Hell. From the sounds of it, I don’t think Hell is the only place seeking Dean’s presence.”

Sam looked blankly at Castiel. “I’m sorry, dude, but I don’t really know who you are, and I get that Dean trusts you, but I don’t. You’re not a hunter, so I’m finding it kind of hard to understand how you know so much about this stuff.”

Well, that was unexpected. Dean hadn’t told Sam that Castiel was a former angel. That was more than Castiel had ever hoped from Dean. He contained his moment of gratitude and addressed Sam. “The reason I know this is because I was an angel. Dean knew from the first moment, just as I knew what he really is.”

“Oh.” Sam blinked, his features softening. “Oh. Alright, then. Glad that’s cleared up.”

“That’s it?” Castiel asked in disbelief.

Dean rolled his eyes. “Cas is very self-conscious about this.” Dean turned to Castiel, placing a hand at the small of his back, the touch more intimate than Castiel had expected. “Don’t stress. You’re not the first angel my brother has met. You _are_ the cutest, though.”

“Dean, _focus_ ,” Sam said, sternly. “What could she possibly want if not to turn you back into a demon salesman?”

“Crossroads demon,” Dean corrected. “And how the fuck should I know? It wasn’t like she was going to spill all her dirty secrets before I sent her back to Hell. Well, Cas did that for me.”

Sam nodded over at him. “Thanks.”

“Not a problem,” Castiel mumbled.

Sam exhaled, digging his fingers deeper into his hair. “Okay, here’s what’s going to happen. I will take that girl to the nearest hospital and make sure she’s fine. Dean, you are going to stay in here until we figure this whole thing out. Not a step outside the house, do you hear me?”

“What are you, my mother?” Dean said, obviously offended. “I can’t do that. I have plans.”

“What plans could be more important than your safety right now?” Sam asked, deadpan. He looked like he was about done with his brother. Castiel noticed how the black suit he was wearing looked a little big on him, and he felt a sudden endearment toward Sam.

“I have a thing with Cas,” Dean said, motioning to him. The groan from his brother made Dean explain further. “Not a gay thing. We have a cake decorating class…I guess that’s a little gay.”

Sam slumped down his shoulders, looking worse for wear. “I don’t care if you want to open up an entire bakery with Castiel. You can do whatever you want, as long as you do it in here. I’m not letting you step a foot out of this house.” He folded his arms, indicating that the argument was over.

“He’s kidding,” Dean told Castiel, waving away his worries.

“He’s not kidding,” Sam said. “I’m not losing you again, Dean.”

“This co-dependency thing is driving me crazy,” Dean protested with a grunt. “Whatever. Go do what you gotta do. Cas and I have to finish our conversation.”

After more bickering, Sam and Castiel carried the limp body of Meg’s victim out to the Impala parked in the Winchester driveway. They set her in the enormous backseat, and Sam got behind the wheel. He asked Castiel to keep an eye out for Dean before he drove away.

Castiel was hesitant to go back inside with Dean, but he knew he couldn’t leave things hanging. The problem was that there wasn’t much to say between them. Yes, the kiss they had shared had been amazing. It made Castiel feel more human than he had all these years, all his life.

But being with Dean wasn’t a possibility. Not only because Meg had been right in her warning. Dean was trouble, and whoever was closest to him would only get dragged down with him. Castiel couldn’t afford to get attached to someone he could so easily lose. Besides, what Castiel truly wanted was to live a normal life with a normal future in the horizon. With Dean, he would have neither of those things. Normalcy wasn’t plausible with a demon.

No matter how great of a kisser he was. It simply wasn’t worth the effort.

His mind was made up by the time Castiel made the trip back to Dean’s house. He let himself in and shut the door behind him. He leaned against it, watching Dean cautiously.

Dean looked ten times more at ease now that Meg’s victim was out of the house. He approached Castiel teasingly slow, and then his hands circled around Castiel’s waist and pulled him close. As Dean bent down for a kiss, Castiel shoved him lightly. He kept his hands on Dean’s chest, keeping him at arm’s length.

“What are you doing?” Dean asked, confused. His hands fell from Castiel’s waist, stumbling at Dean’s sides.

“Dean, I can’t do this.” His voice was surprisingly steady. This was harder than he had imagined, though. He never took into account the hurt look in Dean’s eyes.

“What can’t you do?”

“This whole kiss-me-whenever-you-want thing,” Castiel said, struggling to find a label for their unconventional relationship. “I’m afraid you misunderstood that kiss.”

Dean looked bemused. “You’re messing with me, right? Because I was there for that kiss, and it wasn’t only hot, it was…intense.”

“I didn’t feel anything,” Castiel said, lying right to Dean’s face without any problem. If there was one thing he’d learned from humanity, it was the lying skill. “When I kissed you, I didn’t feel anything.”

“I see.” His face dropped. Dean placed his hands on his hips, staring determinedly at a spot on the floor.

Castiel wanted to take it back, but he knew he shouldn’t. There were plenty of people on earth, normal people. He didn’t have to settle for Dean. What exactly did Dean want from him? What could a demon want from a guy like Castiel? A sex buddy who lived right next door and gave him easy access? No, Castiel wouldn’t take it back. Dean wasn’t looking for a serious relationship.

And if he had, would Castiel reconsider? No, being this close to a demon was dangerous enough. Castiel wanted normal, needed normal. As close to normal as he could get in a world crowded with the supernatural.

“I’ll go with you tomorrow in case you run into any trouble,” Castiel said hastily. There it was. But he could deal with a middle ground. Just because things had gotten a bit complicated throughout the day, it didn’t mean that they couldn’t be friends.

“Fuck you,” Dean snapped, his eyes a solid black, glistening in the night, threatening as any other demon’s. “I don’t need a babysitter.”

Castiel would have taken a step back if the door hadn’t been in the way. “I’m trying to help.”

“I don’t need your help,” Dean hissed. Thankfully, his eyes went back to their natural green hue. “I need you to get the hell out of my house.”

“Dean, don’t be that way.”

“Fuck,” Dean shouted, turning away. “Didn’t take my dose today.”

“The holy water?” Castiel wondered dubiously. He reached a hand out, but stopped himself before he made any contact. This probably wasn’t the best time.

Dean didn’t turn back around. Castiel stared at the steady movement of his back, rising and falling as he controlled his breathing. “Get the hell out of my house, Castiel.”

“I’m leaving,” Castiel said, blindly searching for the doorknob. “I won’t leave you and Sam alone in this. I’m willing to help you.”

“Look, man, I’m not right in the head,” Dean said through gritted teeth. He refused to turn around, but Castiel took notice of his hunched shoulders and fists. Dean let out a mirthless laugh. “You don’t know what four years in Hell does to a person. I’m not even a person anymore. I’m not human. I can drink some fucking holy water all I want, but it won’t make me any less of a demon.”

Castiel felt for Dean, but he realized Dean wouldn’t want his pity. “I’m not entirely human either. But we have can fake it all we want. It’s our right.”

Dean spun around. He was smiling, rather sadistically. If Castiel didn’t know any better, he would think that Dean was planning on ways to murder him. “Who told you that? Your daddy? Because last I heard, he went missing.”

Dean might have hit a bit of a sore spot, but Castiel masked his discomfort. “Just remember that you’re not alone anymore. I’m your friend. I’m on your side.”

“No, no, no.” Dean stepped tentatively closer again. “Friends don’t let friends down.”

_Get out of here. What are you still doing in here?_

Castiel managed to turn the doorknob and opened the front door. Dean stopped in his place, lifting his chin up high, observing Castiel’s every move. Carefully, Castiel moved over to the open door and stepped a foot onto Dean’s front porch. “Take care, Dean.”

“I know where you live, you son of a bitch,” Dean said, folding his arms.

Castiel narrowed his eyes on Dean, very briefly. “I’m not scared of you. I hope you know that.”

“Yeah, right, you keep telling yourself that.” Dean smirked, spreading his bowlegs wider apart. He lowered his chin, and those perfect green eyes disappeared in a black layer.

Castiel stepped out completely and closed the door. There was one certain fact that he had gathered from today. Dean was capable of dragging Castiel through the wringer.

***

Anna did nothing to hide the hints of her grace from her soul any longer. Castiel had never seen something similar before. Aside from this, Castiel couldn’t claim any other supernatural ability. He assumed it was the same reason he could see Dean’s true form, or any other demon’s. Now, he was capable of seeing Anna’s soul for what it was, for what she had been. It was captivating.

He would have to ask how she managed to hide that from him for so long.

After the disastrous night he spent at Dean’s the previous night, Castiel decided to pay Anna a visit. She lived far from him, but Castiel enjoyed making the drive. It gave him time to clear his head.

And there was a lot that needed clearing.

Anna led him inside, offered him a drink, and sat him down on her comfy brown couch. She appeared chirpier than usual, which took some getting used to.

“I can’t believe I can finally be myself around you,” Anna said, taking the empty space next to Castiel. “I have so much to inform you about. For a minute there I thought I was going insane, but the voices in my head, they’re angels.”

“Anna, I don’t think that’s a good idea—”

“They’ve told me so many things,” Anna continued. “About you, especially.”

“What?” Castiel cocked his head. This wasn’t at all what he had expected to hear from his friend. “What have you heard?”

Anna became suddenly serious. “Apparently, you left right before your most important mission.”

Castiel shook his head. “That’s impossible. I was never assigned anything so important that it couldn’t have been given to another angel.”

“Well, this mission was a direct order from an archangel.”

“Who?” Castiel tensed, his mind running through his vague memories.

“Michael,” Anna whispered. And then her gaze seemed to drift away. “It was your duty, he said. You were the chosen one. They couldn’t find a replacement.”

This was unbelievable. Was any of this real? What did this mean? Castiel calmed himself internally before he spoke again. “What else do you know?”

Anna turned to Castiel, frowning. “Not much. Basically, you leaving messed them up pretty bad. They had to make a lot of last minute changes.”

“What was this mission?” Castiel wondered aloud. “I…I wonder if there’s any way I could find out.”

Anna looked away, shifting on the couch so that she no longer faced Castiel. She was hiding something, that much was obvious.

“Anna…”

“I know how to get in touch with someone,” Anna said quickly, as if the words had escaped her lips through their own accord.

Castiel’s eyes widened. “That’s fantastic. Who is it? When can we get started?” If anything, this was a start. Castiel needed to know, now more than ever, what he had caused when he left Heaven.

Anna looked at him, wincing slightly. “What do you remember about Gabriel?”

Castiel blinked, trying to recall as much as he could. There was hardly any memory regarding his brother, but he did remember that he was an archangel. A very powerful one. He informed Anna of this, and she nodded.

“You see, Gabriel roams the earth nowadays,” Anna said, lowering her voice as if someone would overhear them inside the house. “He would be obligated to show up if we call to him.”

“Do you remember how to do that?”

Anna hesitated. “I found a book about it. I was thinking we could give it a shot.”

Castiel wasn’t going to let this opportunity go. He had to take his chances. “Bring that book. We have work to do.”

Anna straightened, ready to follow Castiel’s command. But before she got up, she turned to him, squinting. “This is very strange, considering that _I_ used to give _you_ orders.”

“I assure you that your command had nothing to do with my leaving,” Castiel said.

“No, I know,” Anna said, smiling. “Either way, it’s nice working with you again, Castiel.”

“I agree.” Castiel returned the smile. “Let’s just hope Gabriel shares the same sentiment.”


	7. Chapter 7

**"There's a hole in my soul. I can't fill it, I can't fill it. There's a hole in my soul. Can you fill it? Can you fill it?"**

[Bastille - _Flaws_ ]

* * *

His wings. Castiel heard his wings. He had been flying—with his fucking wings. When his eyes flew open, Castiel was in a small bathroom. It was lacking in personal objects, which meant that it was probably in a motel somewhere. And Dean. Dean hovered over the sink, cleaning up his green jacket. Castiel stood just inches behind, observing him.

“God,” Dean hissed as he dropped the damped towel on the sink and pounded his hands on the marble. “Don’t do that!” he reprimanded him, as though Castiel were a child. His green eyes reflected in the mirror, and Castiel held his gaze.

Dean wasn’t the same Dean Castiel knew. This Dean was human. Purely human, not wannabe human like Castiel. This Dean had absolutely no evil inside of him. He was a man, in the full sense of the word. A beautiful man, no less.

And that beautiful man was certainly pissed at Castiel for suddenly appearing in his bathroom.

“Dean,” Castiel said, trying to go along with his very vivid dream.

This had to be a dream. He must have passed out at Anna’s. This couldn’t be real. Dean was human, and Castiel was an angel. A true angel of the lord. He felt his grace all inside him. He felt his strength. There was no way any of this could be real.

After controlling his breathing, Dean turned around. Their proximity was far too close for comfort, and Dean seemed highly aware of this. His eyes flickered quickly from Castiel’s eyes to his lips. There was no doubt that this was the same Dean that Castiel knew, without the demonic part, of course.

Dean turned his gaze a little to Castiel’s left, fixing his eyes on something behind him in order to distract himself. “Cas,” he breathed uncomfortably. “We’ve talked about this. Personal space.”

Castiel narrowed his eyes at Dean. What was he playing? Of course they’d talked about this, when Dean sat way too close to Castiel at The Roadhouse. _He_ was the one without any sense of boundaries. “Fine,” Castiel relented, taking a couple steps backwards so that Dean could retrieve his jacket and move away. The tension in the room was tangible.

Castiel waited for Dean to turn his back on him to check his new outfit. Castiel had a nice, black suit on, with a backward blue tie, and an awful, unhygienic-looking brown trench coat on top. What a sense of style. He was sure he had never been this dull. But if this was his dream, then he must have chosen these clothes to wear.

“How’d you find me?” Dean asked. “I thought I was flying below the angel radar.”

So, Dream Dean knew he was an angel. For a moment, Castiel considered the possibility that this was a fantasy of sorts. Maybe Castiel had fallen asleep thinking of the solid pressure of Dean’s lips against his and his mind had formulated a wonderful scenario in which Dean was human and Castiel was an angel and things weren’t as complicated as their reality.

Then again, no dream Castiel had ever had, as vivid as it may have been, could measure up to this. And how come he couldn’t remember falling asleep?

“Cas?” Dean asked, facing Castiel again, scowling at him. Dream Dean had very little patience. “I asked you a question.”

“I don’t know, Dean,” Castiel said. “But I found you.”

“You’re not stalking me, are you?” Dean asked, looking a little worried as he packed his jacket into a duffle bag.

Castiel approached him, looking around the room. There were no signs of Sam, or anyone else for that matter. _This better not be a sex dream._ He had to lighten the mood somehow, because at this rate, they would end up fucking each other in no time. Dean definitely seemed interested, and Castiel wasn’t left behind.

“Where’s Sam?” Castiel asked as casually as he could muster.

Dean put on a new jacket he pulled out from his duffle bag. “Me and Sam are taking separate vacations for a while.”

The sex dream was becoming a more definite possibility. If Castiel couldn’t stop it, then he would just go along with it. A dream was harmless, anyway. Real Dean wouldn’t have to ever find out.

“So, did you find God yet?” Dean asked, fixing the neck of his jacket. He made putting on a jacket the most attractive task. Castiel wondered if he was even trying _not_ to have a sex dream with his neighbor. “More importantly, can I have my damn necklace back, please?”

“I have your necklace?” Castiel asked, blinking. He dug instinctively into one of his pockets and felt something. He pulled out a necklace with a golden, horned god pendant and a leather cord. Had Dean given him this?

“There’s something off about you,” Dean said, eyeing him skeptically. “I don’t like it.”

“You want this back?” Castiel asked, offering Dean the necklace. He couldn’t imagine why Dream Dean had even given him the thing in the first place, but he wasn’t about to keep something that wasn’t his. “Wait a minute. Did you ask me about God? My Father? Should I be searching for him?”

Dean rolled his eyes, snatching the necklace from Castiel’s grip. “What the hell have you been doing all this time, man? I thought that was your mission.”

“Oh. Right. ‘Cause I’m an angel.” Castiel nodded, trying to sound convincing. He would be waking up any second, so maybe his efforts were for naught.

Dean looked like he wanted to smile, but he was too prideful to. “Are you suffering from amnesia? You _do_ remember who I am, don’t you?”

Castiel squinted, rolling his shoulders as he measured the comforting weight of his wings. “Of course I do. You’re my neighbor, Dean.”

“Not even close, but good try,” Dean said, sitting on the edge of the bed in the tiny motel room. Upon closer inspection, Dean seemed sort of miserable. He had thick bags under his eyes, his shoulders were slumped, and his lips were pouting more than usual. Dean clenched his necklace before hanging it around his neck. By the way he held it Castiel realized it had sentimental value to him.

“Why did you give me that necklace?” Castiel asked, coming to sit beside him on the bed, leaving enough personal space for the both of them. As bizarre as this was, Castiel wanted to get to know this fragile human version of Dean. For once, Castiel felt stronger. He wanted to care for Dean in ways that were surprising him.

Dean stared at the carpet beneath his feet, leaning his elbows on his spread knees. “Because you asked me for it. I wouldn’t have let anyone else borrow it.”

Castiel nodded, understanding the meaning of the action. “And I needed it to find God?”

Dean scoffed. He faced Castiel with raised eyebrows. “You’re acting stranger than usual. Should I be concerned?”

“I’m dreaming,” Castiel said, breaking the fourth wall of his own creation. “Dean, this isn’t real. I’m somewhere passed out. I will wake up any second back in my old life, in my home.”

“Wish I could lie to myself that way,” Dean said. “I’d love to wake up in a nice home with a freshly baked apple pie and a white picket fence.”

“You have that,” Castiel said. “More or less.”

“I think I need a drink.” Dean got on his feet, cracked his neck, and grabbed his keys from the table. “Want to join me?”

“Sure.” Castiel rose up. “I should take this off.” He removed his heavy coat and threw it on the bed.

“Oh God, it’s like I’m seeing you naked!” Dean covered his eyes with a hand, and then he smiled smoothly. “It was about time you took that thing off.”

“Do I wear it a lot?”

Dean sighed. “Come on, I think you also need a drink.”

They drove in the Impala to the nearest bar.

Castiel was growing worried that this was more than a dream because the last thing he remembered was being with Anna, praying for Gabriel so that they could trap him and interrogate him. If he had been knocked out somehow, he would have remembered.

And his power, it was very real. He felt it within, like energy circling his veins. No dream had ever given him that. Maybe this was a simulation of sorts. Or rather, an alternate universe. Archangels were capable of such things. Castiel doubted any of his brothers were bored enough to pull this off.

But Gabriel. Gabriel had enough reason to be pissed at Castiel, and certainly enough time if Anna’s theory was correct. If Gabriel had given up all hope in Heaven and moved to earth, then he would have his hands empty.

Castiel didn’t disprove neither of his theories: the dream and the alternate universe. He was hoping all of it would end soon, and everything would go back to normal. Although, he was enjoying being an angel again, not to mention having Dean’s company.

Once inside the bar, Dean opted for a table, and they sat next to each other. Dean ordered two beers. Castiel scanned the room. It was full of drunks and near drunks with varying intentions. Some people wanted to get laid and were working their charm, other people wanted to forget their last lay, so they were drinking themselves stupid. Some of them, well, they were just having a relaxing night out.

“I don’t frequent bars often,” Castiel said.

Their beers were delivered, and Dean took a long sip. “You don’t do a lot of human things.”

“Dean, how long have you known me?”

“Seriously?” Dean said, arching an eyebrow. “We’re doing the whole amnesia thing again?”

“Just…humor me.”

“I don’t know.” Dean shrugged. “A year. I don’t keep track. I got a busy life, if you hadn’t noticed.”

“So we were never neighbors?” Castiel asked, taking a sip of his beer.

“Do you really not remember how we met, Cas? Because I would’ve thought you’d never forget the moment I stabbed you in the chest.”

Castiel gasped, frowning in confusion. “Why would you do such a thing? I thought you liked me.”

Dean chuckled, glancing sideways at him. “This is _weird_.”

Castiel took another drink. “Here’s the thing, Dean. I got…hit in the head. My memory was shaken, and I can’t remember much. I was hoping you’d help me remember. What else do you know about me? About us?”

“First of all, why didn’t you start there, Cas?” Dean shook his head. “I knew there was something wrong with you. And secondly, there is no _us_.”

“Alright, great, so we’re not romantically involved,” Castiel said, nodding his head. He stared at Dean, at his softening eyes as he filled his system with alcohol. _What a terrible mistake I made._

“What the hell are you talking about?” Dean asked, eyes widening. He whistled, looking flustered. “Buddy, you really got your screws loose, didn’t you?”

“What? I happen to know you find me attractive,” Castiel said in all seriousness.

Dean closed his eyes and took a longer gulp of his beer. Castiel laid a hand on Dean’s shoulder, and Dean jumped, opening his eyes. “ _Focus_ , Cas. Who hit you in the head?”

Castiel removed his hand. “I can’t remember.”

“So, what you’re asking me is to refresh your memory from the time we met until now so that you remember who attacked you?”

“Exactly.” Castiel grinned. Dean was a quick learner.

Dean downed the rest of his beer and ordered two new ones. “We’re gonna need a lot of these, then.”

Three beers later, Dean had loosened up. He was still telling Castiel all that he needed to know, while Castiel listened attentively. According to Dean, Castiel had rebelled for him. He had turned his back on his brothers and sisters in order to help Dean out. Dean _and_ Sam, Dean added later. It sounded like a very plausible scenario, though. Castiel knew that Heaven was capable of doing unspeakable things, and using Dean and Sam as vessels in order to bring the apocalypse was one of those things.

“I still don’t understand one thing,” Castiel said. “How did you and I meet?”

Dean picked up his fourth beer, but set it back down so he could answer. He shifted on his chair so that his entire body faced Castiel. His eyes were glistening in the dim light of the bar. “Technically, we met in Hell. As you like to put it, you ‘gripped me tight and raised me from perdition.’”

Castiel nearly choked on his beer. He coughed for a moment, staring at Dean in complete shock. “Dean, I _saved_ you? From Hell?”

“Took you a while,” Dean said, and then he went silent. He drank some more, but his vision was cloudy and quite melancholy.

“Something happened to you, while you were in Hell,” Castiel said, hoping Dean would share his experience. If this was somehow the real Dean, then he _had_ to know. What the hell was going on?

“Yeah, no shit.”

“Tell me.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “I don’t need to have a heart to heart with you.”

“Do you mind?” Castiel asked, tilting his head to the side. If this was real, and his powers were real, then he could get to the bottom of this. Castiel lifted two fingers, and placed them on Dean’s forehead. The act was natural, as it used to be.

Years of memories appeared before him, ready for Castiel to sort through. Starting with Dean’s childhood, right up to today. Castiel removed his hand, clenching them at his sides. He closed his eyes and concentrated.

At age four, Dean had lost his mother. Dean saved Sam that night, and he watched his mother die in the house of his childhood. Dean grew up on the road, traveling from town to town, staying in the cheapest motels, eating whatever he could find for him and for Sam. Dean had taken the role of father figure in Sam’s life. They hadn’t always been alone, though. A man named Bobby had watched over them most of their lives.

Dean went to Hell because he sold his soul for his brother’s life. And there, he was tortured for years. When he couldn’t handle it any longer, he became the torturer. Dean had spent years in Hell hurting souls, until Castiel appeared and pulled him out of his misery. If he hadn’t been there in time, Castiel couldn’t imagine what would have been of Dean.

Every memory after that was everything that Dean had already shared. Except now he truly knew Dean. His soul had been restored by Castiel, very carefully. Castiel had cared for this human more than he ever had cared for his own kin.

And if Castiel had never been there for Dean, then Dean would have become something no longer human. In Hell, Dean would have transformed into another servant. Into a demon.

Castiel opened his eyes to a different Dean. It was the same Dream Dean from earlier, but Castiel saw him as that little boy running out of his house with his baby brother in his arms, braver than twelve grown men.

Castiel saw Dean’s soul, and it physically _hurt_ him to know that a person like Dean had been through so much. If anyone didn’t deserve that much agony, it was Dean Winchester.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Dean asked, frowning. “What did you do to me?”

“I…” Castiel cleared his throat. He couldn’t find any words at the moment. All he knew was that Dean was…he was a good man. A man who shouldn’t be a demon. He couldn’t accept that this was the same Dean he knew. His Dean, Real Dean, didn’t have a sob story. He was a demon, end of story. Wasn’t he?

Unless…No, Castiel couldn’t believe that this had been his fault. Castiel couldn’t have saved Dean. This was a nightmare.

“Wait, did you just read my mind?” Dean asked. “What the fuck, man? That’s not cool. You should ask before fingering me.”

“Wake up, wake up, wake up,” Castiel mumbled to himself. “Come on, come on, come on.”

“I think I should take you back to the room,” Dean said, taking out a few bills from his wallet and dropping them on the table. “Let’s go. You’re freaking me out.”

“Dean,” Castiel said, standing up with him. “I want you to know that I would never intentionally harm you in any way. Do you know that?”

Dean sighed. “Look, I don’t know what’s going on with you, but if you want to talk about your feelings maybe you should call Sam. And while you’re at it, ask him how he’s doing. Haven’t talked to him lately.”

“I just needed you to know that,” Castiel said. Tentative fingers caressed Dean’s cheek. Dean stood still for a little while before he pulled away completely. “I’ll meet you back at the motel.”

“Whatever suits you. Call me if you get lost.” Dean smirked, and then turned and left.

Castiel rubbed his face. There were so many questions he had to ask, but he wouldn’t even know where to start. At least he wasn’t in the dark about Dean anymore. But was this the same Dean that he knew?

“Having fun?”

Castiel turned around. He moved back at the unexpected sight of his brother. Gabriel was smiling at him, unwrapping a Snickers. His vessel was shorter than Castiel’s, but his hair was lighter and longer. Gabriel proceeded to eat his chocolate.

“Aren’t you going to beg me to take you back to your apple pie life, Cassie?”

Castiel masked his expressions. He wanted to strangle his brother, but he knew he was the rule maker here. “Is all of this real?”

Gabriel hummed. “Depends on how you measure reality. You see, little brother, every choice you make changes not only your life, but every life around you. What I’m doing here is showing you what your life would have been had you made a different choice. I think we both know what I’m talking about here.”

“What about Dean? Why didn’t anyone else save him?” Castiel demanded.

“Heaven wasn’t prepared for such an endeavor,” Gabriel said, matter-of-factly. “In fact, they had already given up on him. That is, until they heard he escaped all on his own.”

Realization hit Castiel. With his new knowledge, every piece seemed to finally clink together. “Both Heaven and Hell is after Dean. One to use him and the other to hide him.”

“I knew you’d catch up eventually,” Gabriel said, grinning widely. “I’m glad my visit was of service. But keep in mind that the next time you try to trap me down, I won’t hesitate to slaughter you.” Gabriel raised his free hand, ready to snap his fingers.

“Are you sending me back already?” Castiel asked, sounding disappointed. “Dean’s waiting for me at the motel.”

“I don’t grant wishes, Cassie.” Gabriel snapped his fingers.

 


	8. Chapter 8

**"If you're willing to wait for the love of your life, please wait by the line."**

[Alt-J - _Pusher_ ]

* * *

 

“Castiel? _Castiel!_ Oh, good, you’re waking up!”

Groaning, Castiel’s eyelids fluttered open. Kneeling down beside him was Anna, and he soon realized his head was resting on her lap. Red curtains of her hair hung forward, tickling at Castiel’s cheeks. She pushed it back quickly and smiled.

“What happened?” Castiel asked, sitting up on the carpet. Anna glanced at him for a moment before she was up on her feet. Castiel had a mild headache, but he suddenly remembered his bizarre dream with Dean and Gabriel. “Anna, did I disappear?”

Anna scoffed. “What? No. You just fainted. It’s only been about two minutes. How are you feeling?”

Castiel held out his hands and Anna hauled him up. His knees were steady and he made his way to sit at her table. “I feel well, mostly. I had the strangest dream.” He scanned the living room. There were no traces of the ancient symbol they drew on the floor, attempting to capture their brother.

“Can I be completely honest with you, Castiel?” Anna said, standing behind the chair next to him.

Castiel nodded, staring up at her. He tried to focus on her words above his thoughts of Dean. If it had all been true, then Castiel was responsible for Dean’s misfortune. He was the only one to blame. And to think how rude he had been all this time. Castiel would never be able to look at Dean the same way.

“I’m afraid,” Anna said, lowering her face. “Gabriel was here. I couldn’t see him, but I felt him. And when you fainted, I was sure he’d taken you with him. I didn’t think you’d come back. He knows about us, knows where we are now. I think maybe we should forget about all this. We’re human now, Castiel. We should forget what we used to be.”

“I can’t forget my family, Anna,” Castiel said, voice going quiet. “I’ve been a coward far too long.”

“You’re not a coward.” Anna reached for Castiel’s hand, but he was out of his chair in one quick movement.

“I’ll find another way,” Castiel assured. He glanced at her, his eyes softening. Anna had every right to make her decision, but Castiel was responsible for a human soul going rogue. He was responsible for Dean. Nothing would ever change that.

***

Castiel sat on his front porch. He was reading _Lord of the Flies_ since he’d finished his last book. Reading all of the classic books he could find had been a top priority when he gained a soul. Castiel needed to understand humanity in different levels, and literature was a good way to start. So far his favorites were _Animal Farm_ and _1984._ People like George Orwell made humanity worthwhile.

The day was getting darker. He could see the sun setting in that red-orange glow amongst the clouds. Castiel pulled down his book to stare at the sunset in silence. Then he turned to his right, hoping to see traces of Dean. The fence was painted white, but it was too tall to be able to see inside. It was sort of contradicting to build such an unusual fence to hide his house, when the fence itself drew so much attention. Winchester logic, he figured.

After work, Castiel baked a pie. It was the only thing he thought of doing to make himself feel slightly better. It was an apology. The cherry pie sat on the cooling rack in his kitchen counter, but he didn’t have the guts to face Dean. Not after seeing his full story. Not after finding the truth.

Castiel continued reading under his front porch light until he heard the loud sound of the Impala’s engine. He hadn’t paid much attention to the car before, but now he recognized the model. It was a shiny, black, 1967 Chevy Impala. And he knew that Dean’s father had given him that car, which was more of a home for the both of them. The car was another member of their family.

Sam got out of the driver’s seat of the Impala. He wore a dark suit and carried a leather briefcase. Castiel smiled at the thought of Sam fulfilling his dream career. Maybe their lives had been screwed over multiple times in the past, but some good had come out of it. Sam noticed him sitting there and he waved at Castiel.

“Hello, Sam.” Castiel got up and set his book on his chair before walking over to the tallest man he’d ever seen. There were taller men on earth; Castiel just hadn’t come face to face with them.

Sam walked around the car and sat on the hood. He was smiling. Castiel was relieved to find Sam in a good mood. “How’s it going, neighbor?”

Castiel stopped a few feet away from Sam, folding his arms instead of letting them fidget awkwardly at his sides. “Great. It’s going great for me. How was your day, Sam?”

“Long, but I can’t complain. I love my job.” Sam ran a hand through his long hair and set his briefcase down beside him. “Listen, Dean told me how he freaked out the other night. He forgot to take his glass of water that day, even though I reminded him that same morning.” Sam rolled his eyes. “Anyway, he’s fine now. That’s why you’re here, isn’t it?”

Castiel opened his mouth to deny it, but he couldn’t. “Yes. About that. Sam, why must Dean torture himself daily drinking that holy water? I do understand why, but isn’t there a better solution? Something less painful?”

Sam grimaced, looking away. “Not that we know of. I’ve been out of the game for too long. I cut ties with all of our old hunter friends. It was too difficult otherwise.”

“Except for the Harvelles?” Castiel asked.

“They’re not hunting anymore,” Sam said, sounding defensive. “Just trying to make a normal living, like us.”

Castiel nodded. “There has to be a better solution for Dean.”

“I hope you don’t mind me asking, but why do you care so much about Dean?” Even under the moonlight, Castiel could tell the intensity of Sam’s gaze. He didn’t completely trust Castiel, especially not with his brother.

Yesterday, Castiel wouldn’t have known how to answer. Why did he care about Dean’s well-being? They were neighbors. Friends, even. There was a mutual comfort between them. But that was it. And now? Now Castiel knew that no matter what they did, Dean and Castiel’s lives would intertwine. They would find each other even when they both tried to run away. Not to mention the fact that in another life, Dean and Castiel fought on the same side of a great war. They were comrades. They were accomplices.

“I care about Dean because he is a good man.”

Sam exhaled. “He was a good man. Now, I’m not so sure.”

“He’s still Dean,” Castiel said, confidently. “He’s still your brother.”

“I really hope so.” Sam smiled slyly. He seemed uncomfortable speaking about his brother. This situation must be far more difficult for Sam than Castiel had imagined.

“Could you do me a favor, Sam?”

“Of course.”

Castiel grinned slowly. “Wait right here.” He ran inside his house, grabbed the pie he’d made earlier, and took it to Sam. “Would you give this to Dean?”

Sam arched a brow, taking the pie from Castiel’s hands. “Very romantic, Romeo.”

“I assure you this isn’t the case,” Castiel said, understanding the reference. Besides, Romeo and Juliet were a terrible example for any couple to follow. “I just need him to know I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?”

 _Where to start?_ “I’m sorry for not understanding him better.” _And for letting him rot in Hell._

“Alright, I’ll give it to him.” Sam climbed down from the Impala, holding the pie in one hand and his briefcase in the other.

“Hey,” Castiel said. “Thank you.”

Sam smiled and waved before we went into his house. Castiel could breathe easier now that he knew Dean would get his pie.

***

Every single day of the week, Castiel baked Dean a pie. Every day, he chose a different flavor. He searched for new recipes online, trying to top his last pie. He worked carefully, whistling to himself as he mixed the ingredients. Sometimes work was exhausting, but Castiel still came home to make a pie for Dean.

Reading, he waited on his front porch for Sam to come home. He felt it was easier to have Sam deliver the pies rather than confronting Dean face to face. Sam was much easier to deal with on a regular basis.

On Friday, Sam didn’t come home. It was ten o’clock, and there was no sign of the Impala down the street.  Castiel didn’t want to consider having to give Dean his pie of the day personally, but it was looking like his only possibility. He couldn’t be angry at Sam for going out on a Friday night. He wondered if Dean had lost his mind being locked in his house all week.

With a sigh, Castiel grabbed his key lime pie and walked over to Dean’s house. He opened the gate of his fence and walked up to his porch. Castiel mustered up some courage, gripping the pie in his hand, before knocking on the door.

The door opened, and Dean leaned on the door frame, folding his arms. His eyes went from black to green as he stared at Castiel from top to bottom. When he settled on the pie, a slow smile crept up on his face. “Why, Cas, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were trying to bake your way into my heart.”

Castiel resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “I figured I’d bring this to you myself since your brother’s still out.”

“Can you believe he’s out on a date?” Dean asked, making a face. “He tells me I’m not allowed to step a foot out of the house, but he can stay out all night if he wants. That bastard.”

Castiel snorted. “I can only imagine your torture. Maybe this will cheer you up.” Castiel handed Dean the pie, and then moved a few steps back. “I hope you enjoy it. I should head home.”

Dean dipped his finger into the pie, scooping a bit of whipped cream and licking it. He hummed his approval. “What’s the rush? Let’s hang out.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Castiel said, feeling all sorts of awkward.

Dean raised a palm. “Promise I won’t try anything funny. Come on, I’m so bored. I’m a fucking prisoner in my own house.”

Castiel frowned. He knew he’d feel equally guilty in Dean’s house as he would in his own house. “Very well.”

“You’re so easy.” Dean laughed, holding the door open for Castiel to come inside. “Don’t look at me like that.”

Castiel rolled up the sleeves of his sweater once inside. Dean offered him a drink, and Castiel sat on the couch facing the television. Dean brought over two beers and sat down close beside him, personal space forgotten. Nervously, Castiel gulped down half of his beer. Dean was watching him curiously.

“Want to watch a movie?” Dean asked, draping his arm on the headrest of the couch.

“Sure. Surprise me.”

Dean smirked, setting his beer on the coffee table. He looked through his small DVD collection on the entertainment center and finally settled on something. Dean put the movie on and went back to sit beside Castiel. They drank in comfortable silence as the beginning credits rolled on the screen.

“ _Jeepers Creepers._ I’ve heard of that,” Castiel said, leaning back on the couch.

Dean took a long gulp from his beer. “Let’s be thankful the son of a bitch isn’t real. Good movie, though.”

Castiel smiled before taking a sip of his beer.

Throughout the movie, Dean kept complaining about the stupid characters and explaining to Castiel how he would have handled things himself. Castiel tried not to laugh at Dean’s fury, but he was so endearing whenever he was angry. He got this crease between his eyebrows and his ears got red and his voice got high and he ran out of breath. Dean was so magnificently human.

“Fuck,” Dean muttered, his eyes glued to the television. His head was leaning on the arm rest on the other side of the couch and his feet were resting on Castiel’s lap. It was as if nothing had changed between them. Castiel liked that. “I don’t think I could deal with my brother being taken from me by that thing. I’d find a way to chase them. I’d grow wings or something.”

“You would grow wings?” Castiel asked, amused. “How exactly would you do that?”

“I’d figure out a way.” Dean rocked his feet from side to side on Castiel’s lap. He was wearing white socks. “Or I’d hitch a ride from an angel.”

“Right. How many angels do you know?”

“Not the point,” Dean said. “This movie is depressing. I forget about that every time I watch it.”

Castiel set his hands on Dean’s legs as he watched the screen turn to black on the television. He knew it was almost midnight, and he should head on home. But he wasn’t tired, and Sam wasn’t home yet. He turned to Dean, asking him a silent question.

Dean locked eyes with him. “You know I can’t read minds, right?”

“Would you like to watch another movie?”

“Nah. I can’t focus on them anyway.” That was a valid point. Dean had a very short attention span.

“Then I should go home.” Castiel didn’t try to move, despite his words. Dean didn’t move either.

“It was a shit move forcing you to kiss me,” Dean said, breaking the silence. He moved his legs, sitting up on the couch. He held Castiel’s gaze for a moment before he looked away. “I mean, I know I’ve never had a shot with you. It’s obvious. I’m a demon, and you’re a fucking angel. Don’t argue with me, you’re an angel. I just thought that maybe you’d see past all that.”

“Dean,” Castiel breathed. There was a lot of unhidden vulnerability in Dean’s eyes, and he couldn’t bear it. “You are so much more than what you think.”

“Forget it. I can’t do this touchy feely crap as well as Sam.”

Castiel lunged forward and pulled Dean into his arms. He embraced Dean tightly, closing his eyes and hiding his face in Dean’s shoulder. There weren’t enough words to express his apology. But Castiel needed Dean to know how much he mattered. How could he have thought that just because Dean was a demon now he was unworthy? How could he have been so careless?

Hesitantly, Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel. And then he leaned into him, nuzzling in his neck. Castiel cradled Dean’s head, hoping to comfort his internal wounds even for just a fraction of a second.

Castiel was sorry for being such a coward. For running away. For abandoning Dean when he’d needed him the most. Castiel was sorry for the life that he had, the life he did not deserve.

Dean clung to him, as though he hadn’t been hugged in way too long. His fingers dug into Castiel’s back like he was his lifeline. Castiel knew that Dean’s scars weren’t visible on the outside, but he would try to mend as many as he could anyway. Not because he felt sorry, but because he knew Dean deserved so much more.


	9. Chapter 9

**"Most people are scared. When they look him in the eyes all they see is fear, but let me make this clear. I want him near."**

[Dev - _Monster_ ]

* * *

 

It was still dark out when Castiel went into The Roadhouse. The sign on the door still read CLOSED, but the door was unlocked. His boss, Ellen, stood behind the countertop, getting the cash register ready for a busy day. Ash waved a hand from the back as he put the coffee on. Castiel smiled at him. Ash was a good soul, and he wore a funny mullet. They’d gotten along instantly.

“Good morning, Ellen,” Castiel said.

“Morning,” Ellen said, sounding distracted. She was frowning down at the money in her hands.

Jo walked in before Castiel could get another word out. Castiel greeted her. “Hey, Cas, how’s Dean doing?” Jo asked. “He keeps calling me to complain about Sam.” She rolled her eyes.

Castiel didn’t miss Ellen’s sudden interest in their conversation. He only hoped Ellen wouldn’t resent him for befriending Dean, seeing she wasn’t so fond of him. “I wouldn’t know. You should ask Sam.”

Jo narrowed her eyes at him. “Are you serious? Dean sent me a text while you were at his place last night and he told me you went home really late.”

 _Of course he did_. “Oh, right. Well, Dean _is_ my neighbor.” Castiel smiled at Ellen, but she didn’t return the expression. “I was just being welcoming.”

“Welcoming. Yeah, right.” Jo elbowed him. “What’s going on with you two?”

“Nothing,” Castiel said immediately. “Nothing at all. Nope. Dean and I are neighbors. Sometimes I visit him. Nothing’s going on, Jo. I swear. I wouldn’t lie about this.”

Jo chuckled. “Calm down, man. I’m just teasing you. Why are you so paranoid?”

Ellen went back to counting her money while frowning, and Castiel felt himself relax. He let out a long breath.

“Jo, leave Castiel alone,” Ellen said. “You’ll be at the register today.” Jo nodded, already heading back there. “Ash, come open the shop. I need to speak with Castiel. Privately.”

Castiel stared at Ellen as she closed the cash register with all the money and signaled for Castiel to follow her into the kitchen. He lowered his head as he trailed behind her, fidgeting with the black shirt of his uniform. Once they were alone, Ellen turned around, facing him. She set her hands on her hips. Ellen was a strong woman. She had a no-nonsense attitude and her orders never went over anyone’s head. She was the boss, there was no denying it.

“How well do you know Dean, Castiel?” Ellen asked. Her face remained blank of emotion. She waited for a reply.

“I’ve only known him a few days,” Castiel admitted, although it didn’t feel like that sometimes. Especially since he’d learned the truth. “He lives next door to me.”

“Has he behaved?” Ellen hesitated. “Has he been aggressive with you?”

Castiel seemed to understand where this was going. Ellen was worried that Dean, being a demon, would harm those around him. “Not at all, Ellen.” It was still strange calling his boss Ellen, but she had insisted. Apparently, Mrs. Harvelle made her feel old. “Dean and Sam have both been great neighbors so far.”

“Good. That’s good.” Ellen dropped her hands from her hips. She leaned against the wall. “Don’t get me wrong, I love those boys. The Winchesters were—are—family. But things are different now. I don’t want to get into details, but my family could have been hurt because of them. We almost didn’t make it. I’d feel better knowing more about this situation, but I don’t want to get too close.” Ellen shook her head. “I know I can’t stop Jo from speaking to them. Sam’s a good man. But Dean…I don’t know who he is anymore.”

Castiel knew it was fair not to trust Dean as a demon, but Ellen hadn’t even seen him personally. She was holding onto the past. Castiel knew that the Winchesters had been responsible for The Roadhouse burning down, but they wouldn’t intentionally hurt the Harvelles. Either way, it wasn’t up to him to defend Dean. “I understand, Ellen. And I assure you, I’ll be cautious around Dean.”

Ellen nodded, her lips quirking up. “Thanks, son.” She stood up straight and looked intently into his eyes. “I care about you like I care about Ash. I know I didn’t carry you in my womb, but I’ll still protect you like a momma bear. You got that?”

Castiel smiled sideways. This moment reminded Castiel why he had chosen this life. Why he had made the sacrifices that he had. Being human allowed him to form human relationships with good people. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Get to work,” Ellen ordered.

Castiel knew the moment was over.

***

That night, Castiel went to see Dean. The Impala wasn’t in the driveway, so he guessed correctly that Dean would be antsy all alone in the house. Dean was eating the crumbs from the last pie Castiel had brought him. At the sight of him, Dean’s eyes lit up. He must have been confused, because Castiel wasn’t carrying any pie with him today. But Dean immediately started rambling on about his uneventful day.

Apparently, Dean found a spider in the bathroom, but when he tried to kill it, it moved away, and Dean had to chase it around. When he finally caught the spider, he felt bad about wanting to kill it, so he put it inside a jar. And then he color coordinated his closet. And Sam’s. He also moved around the furniture in his bedroom. Then he learned the choreography of all the NSYNC music videos he found on YouTube.

“That sounds quite exciting, Dean,” Castiel said. They sat on the couch in the living room. The television was on, but the only thing playing was infomercial after infomercial. No wonder Dean had been so happy to see him. “Where’s Sam?”

Dean grunted, finishing up the crumbs on the empty aluminum plate. He set it down on the coffee table and leaned back on the couch. “Out. Working. He works a lot. I want to work. God, I want to work so bad.”

“I was thinking about you earlier at work,” Castiel admitted, sheepishly. Dean looked at him with interest. “I never mentioned that I know a thing or two about decorating cakes. Maybe you’d be interested in me teaching you a few times a week?”

“Yes.” Dean smiled widely. “Hell, yes. When can we get started?”

Castiel shrugged. “I’m available every day after six.”

“That’s still a lot of time to spend in here.” Dean grimaced as he looked around the room. He seemed disgusted with the four walls around him. “I don’t know how housewives do this. I clean this place all day and there is still dust on every surface. But that’s not to mention the fact that I’m _trapped_ in here.”

“House arrest sounds like a nightmare,” Castiel said, glancing at Dean. “But it’s for your own good, Dean. Your safety is what matters most. We’ll solve this soon enough.”

Dean scoffed. “I’m not an idiot, Cas. I know there’s no end to this. I’m going to have to keep living like this.”

“Let’s not think about that right now,” Castiel said, forcing a smile. He knew it would be difficult, but there had to be a way out of this. He wouldn’t take no for an answer. “I’m here, and I will always be here. I won’t let you lose your mind in this house.”

“Thanks.” Dean rubbed his neck, looking away. He seemed uncomfortable with the attention. Castiel knew that they probably wouldn’t have anymore “touchy-feely” moments like the previous night, but he wished he could reach out and hug Dean every time he was around him.

Castiel baked a pie in Dean’s kitchen while Dean watched. Dean offered to help, but Castiel didn’t need any help. He knew what he was doing. Besides, having Dean’s company was soothing. Dean put the kettle on because he knew Castiel drank tea, and he put coffee on for himself. They sat on the floor in front of the coffee table with their mugs of coffee and tea while they watched those absurd infomercials.

By the time Sam made it home, Dean and Castiel had already finished the pumpkin pie. Sam found them on the couch. Castiel woke up a little startled when Sam had shaken his arm. Castiel had drifted off on Dean’s shoulder, and Dean’s cheek rested on Castiel’s head. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” Castiel mumbled over to Dean, and Dean grumbled something incomprehensible. It made Castiel laugh. He was so tired, that as soon as he went into his bedroom, he collapsed on his bed and fell asleep.

***

Three weeks later, there had been no signs of anymore bounty hunters like Meg. Castiel decided to start carrying his blade with him, just in case. He had put it away for so many years that he found it difficult keeping it hidden on his waistband, or behind jackets and sweaters. But he knew it was safer that way.

Dean had improved on his cake decorating skills. He wasn’t taking to fondant, but Castiel wasn’t a huge fan of it either. He liked the simple pleasures of frosting. Sometimes Castiel felt like he lived at the Winchesters. As soon as he made it home, he only went home to change out of his uniform, and that was if he felt like it. On his lazier days, Castiel arrived on Dean’s front porch in his dark jeans and black long-sleeve.

Today was one of those days. It wasn’t entirely because he felt lazy, but Castiel had seen the way Dean looked at him whenever he wore his uniform. His gaze hardly ever left Castiel. Perhaps it was dangerous to crave Dean’s attention, but Castiel couldn’t deny that he did. He liked the way Dean looked at him. He liked the way Dean shared the tiny details of his day with him. He liked the way they worked together. He just liked _being_ with Dean. They never did anything thrilling or highly entertaining, but they spent a lot of time together, and it seemed to be doing wonders to both of them. Their levels of crankiness had dimmed down considerably.

“Sam complained about our cakes,” Dean said, throwing his feet on Castiel’s lap as they both got comfortable on the couch. “He says we make too many cakes, and it’s not helping his diet.”

“He doesn’t have to _eat_ them.”

“Yeah, I know, but temptation’s a bitch.” Dean smirked, throwing Castiel a funny look. Castiel tried to ignore it. Instead, he shifted on the couch, feeling his body sink down.

“So, if we can’t bake another cake today, what are we going to do?”

Dean shrugged. “I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to go home. I can’t keep pretending you don’t have a life.”

“Dean, this is my life. I work, and I come see you. Every day, it repeats. Except for my days off, when I’m practically here all day.”

“Exactly,” Dean said. “I’m an ass for making you waste your time here. I know you’re a nice guy, but don’t let dudes like me take advantage of you.” Dean sat up, leaning close to Castiel. “You’re off the hook, buddy.”

“What?” Castiel tried not to breathe because if he did, he would inhale Dean’s scent and he would be in trouble.

“I don’t want you to come over anymore,” Dean said, not moving an inch away. “Just because I’m stuck here, doesn’t mean you should be.”

“Dean, you’re very mistaken if you think there are other places I _could_ be when I’m here with you.” Castiel tried to search for something that would make him sound less pathetic, but couldn’t. “I like being here.”

Dean arched a brow, looking doubtful. He didn’t argue with Castiel, though. “I like you being here, too.”

“Then we should figure out another way to pass the time.” Castiel shoved Dean away before he rose from the couch. He headed into Dean’s bedroom and waited for Dean to join him.

Dean’s bedroom was painted a deep green color. There was a Queen Size bed against a wall, and a nightstand with a lamp on top of it. His closet was neatly organized. He noticed his shoes lined up straight, below his shirt. There was a bookshelf up against another wall. Only two of the five shelves had books. The other three had framed photographs of his family. There was a single poster on one of the walls, and it was an AC/DC one.

“My mind went straight to the gutter as soon as you walked in here,” Dean said, coming to stand beside him.

Castiel snorted. “You like to read?”

“Sometimes,” Dean said, clearing his throat. “I’ve read all of those books. Mostly Vonnegut.”

“Interesting.” Castiel walked over to the few books Dean owned. Old, battered copies of Vonnegut, some sci-fi, classics, and one of two romance novels that Dean seemed to pretend weren’t there. “I’ve never read Vonnegut.”

“That is a sacrilege,” Dean said.

“Says the demon.” Castiel looked over at Dean with a grin. He picked up _Slaughterhouse-Five_ by Kurt Vonnegut. “Do you think this is a good place to start with Vonnegut?”

“Yeah, I mean, you can’t go wrong with that one. Wait, what are you doing?”

Castiel grabbed the book and headed back into the living room. “We’re going to read each other’s books, and then we’ll discuss them. Have you ever heard of book clubs?”

Dean blinked at him. “Wait, you want me to _read_? All day? That’s your big plan?”

Castiel stopped and turned around. “Wait here while I bring you my copy of _Animal Farm_.”

“Cas, I have movies,” Dean insisted, blocking the door. “I have music. I have video games. I have food. We can bake more pies. Hell, we can bake more cakes. Sam can deal with it.”

Castiel laughed, folding his arms. “Why are you so against my idea? You obviously have read books before.”

“Yes, but those are good books. Besides, that’s from back when I was human. When it was mostly safe being inside my head.”

“Dean, you can do this. It’ll be fun, I promise you.”

Dean sighed, moving out of the way. “Go get your damned book.”

Castiel smiled. “Thank you.”

“Fuck you.”

“I can do that myself,” Castiel said, heading outside.

“What?” Dean gaped at him. His eyes widened. “Oh God, the mental image.”

“I do it every night.”

“Shut up. Dammit, Cas.” The look in Dean’s face was priceless. He shut the door with a loud thud.

Castiel smiled all the way to his house.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all of you who have stuck around, and/or left reviews. I love your insights and your comments and your questions, so keep them coming. I do have a lot of writing projects going on at the moment, but I don't want to neglect this story. The characters have won me over. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy this chapter!

**"How's your halo?**  
 **Just between you and I**  
 **You and me and the satellites**  
 **I never believed you**  
 **I only wanted to**  
 **Before all this**  
 **What did I miss?**  
 **Do you ever get homesick?"**

[Strays Don't Sleep - _For Blue Skies_ ]

* * *

 

Dean’s bed was big enough for the both of them to comfortably lie down and read in silence. Castiel had insisted that reading was a solitary task, but Dean was having none of it. He told Castiel that if he was to be forced to read his books, then Castiel would have to read alongside him.

They’d been slowly reading throughout the week, but neither of them was finished with their books. Apparently, it was harder to read beside Dean. In bed. The problem was that once they got under the covers, Dean’s foot would play with Castiel’s foot, and Castiel would try to ignore it for as long as possible, until he would finally put his book down and wrestle Dean on the bed, exerting the sexual tension in the room.

Because, dear lord, there was _a lot_ of sexual tension in the room. Being alone in the bedroom room didn’t help the case.

On Friday, after another long day at work, Castiel came to find Dean in his garage, working under the hood of his Impala. Castiel hovered nearby, watching Dean—filled with oil and soot—work in deep concentration. The image did things to Castiel’s lower regions that he tried to shrug off. Finally, he grabbed a chair from the corner and sat down.

“How come Sam didn’t take the Impala today?” Castiel wondered. Sam wasn’t home yet.

Dean rolled out from under the car and grabbed a towel to wipe himself off. “Baby needed an oil change, but then I found other problems. I told Sam to get a ride from someone. He’s going to buy himself a car, anyway. Can’t take care of her like I can.” He got back on his feet and gave a loving pat to the hood of the Impala.

“Is she doing okay now?” Castiel asked. It was interesting seeing Dean speak of his car with so much affection. Moving, even.

“I hope so,” Dean said. He sighed longingly, crossing his arms as he admired his work under the dim light of his garage. “Wish I could take her for a spin. I haven’t driven her in a very long time.”

Castiel stood up, walking over to Dean. The Impala sure was beautiful. It was definitely a shame to keep her locked in the garage. Castiel felt his angel blade on his waistband, and it brought a sense of comfort and security to him. With it, he could kill off any possible danger to him and to Dean. And with Dean’s knife—which apparently killed demons—they wouldn’t be entirely defenseless.

“Let’s you and I go somewhere,” Castiel said, placing a hand on Dean’s shoulder and giving it a light squeeze. Dean turned to him, eyes widened and confused.

“Go where?” Dean asked quietly, almost as if he wasn’t allowing himself to be hopeful.

“Wherever you want, Dean. I think you deserve a night out. I’ll protect you, and you’ll protect me.” Castiel smiled at that. He knew that in another lifetime, they had done just that. Even if Dean didn’t know it.

“But Sam—”

“Sam won’t get home anytime soon,” Castiel said. Usually, Sam stayed out on Friday nights. He’d started dating, which Castiel realized was healthy behavior, considering how their lives used to be. Maybe this life wasn’t as awful as it could have been. Maybe Castiel hadn’t completely ruined Dean by not saving him from Hell.

A slow smile shaped in Dean’s lips. He grabbed his keys and headed over to the driver’s seat. “We better get going then.” He winked at Castiel before he climbed inside.

Castiel got in the passenger seat and buckled his seatbelt. Dean inhaled deeply before he started the engine. When he heard the loud rumbling noise of the engine running, Dean chewed on his lower lip, barely containing his excitement. There was a faint scent of vanilla from an air freshener hung on the rearview mirror, mixed with leather from the seats. Dean ran a hand on the dashboard, almost like he was petting a horse before riding it.

“Ready?” Dean asked, glancing over at Castiel. Dean’s smile was contagious.

“As ready as I’ll ever be getting in a car with you,” Castiel said.

“I’m the best driver that’s ever lived,” Dean said with a smirk.

“You’re also overly confident.” Castiel relaxed back on the seat. As Dean backed out of the garage, Castiel reached for the radio, but Dean slapped his hand out of the way before he made it. “Ow.”

“Sorry, man, but if you ain’t driving, you ain’t messing with the radio. Don’t be a barbarian.”

Castiel rolled his eyes. He remembered something from Dean’s life, and it made him laugh. “Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole. Isn’t that right, Dean?”

“Damn right.” Dean turned on the radio to a classic rock station. Led Zeppelin’s Heartbreaker started playing. Dean didn’t sing along, but he kept the time with his hands on the steering wheel. Castiel rolled down the window as they speeded on and let the wind hit his face.

Who would have thought that driving in an Impala with classic rock playing in the background would feel so peaceful?

They didn’t do much talking. Dean was so caught up in driving that his mind seemed to be miles from there. Castiel knew how much this meant to Dean, to be able to drive his Impala. But just as he thought that Dean had forgotten his presence, Dean turned to him, and reached across the seat to take Castiel’s hand in his. Castiel straightened on the seat, feeling a tingling feeling at the nape of his neck. Dean held his hand, but he didn’t utter a word. His eyes were back on the road, and the music was loud enough that Castiel couldn’t hear the loud beating of his heart.

Castiel decided not to mention the gesture; he simply stared out his window, smiling out into the night.

Dean released his hand once they reached White Castle. He ordered two cheeseburgers, two milkshakes, and one order of fries on the drive-thru. Then they got back on the road. When they came across a desolate road, Dean pulled over on the side of it and they both got out.

They sat on the hood of the Impala and started eating. The night sky was a thing of beauty. They were out in the country, so most of the stars were brightly visible. They were glowing with intensity. Castiel knew that this was the longest both of them had gone without speaking to each other, but he didn’t want to break the silent streak. Sometimes, he thought, words didn’t measure up to the feeling of someone beside you. Holding your hand.

When they both reached in for the fries, they brushed their hands. Dean moved his hand away, allowing Castiel to take the fry first. Castiel locked eyes with Dean for a long moment before he decided he was full and looked away.

“You have a good time?” Dean asked, clearing his throat. In the quiet of the night, Dean’s voice was almost like the blowing of the wind.

Castiel turned back to him. Dean was sipping on his milkshake, waiting for Castiel’s reply. “I did,” Castiel said.

“Good,” Dean said. “Me too.”

“I haven’t had a cheeseburger in months,” Castiel said, not wanting to stop speaking now that they had started.

“You must have celestial self-restraint,” Dean said, snickering.

Castiel grinned softly. “Yeah, maybe.”

“Sometimes, when the music is loud enough, I forget to think,” Dean said. He was gazing up at the stars, but Castiel was looking right at him. “It’s better that way. Not having to think. Tonight was good for me, Cas.”

Castiel didn’t want to imagine what Dean was afraid of thinking about. He knew a lot of it had to do with Hell. Most of it had to do with Hell.

“I’m glad to hear that,” Castiel said, keeping his hands steady on his lap rather than reaching out to comfort Dean like he wanted.

A car drove past them on the other side of the road. The bright headlights made Dean look back down, and then he faced Castiel. “I wish I couldn’t remember a damned thing, Cas. I wish you could make me forget.”

“I can’t.” Castiel swallowed hard. The guilt was eating him alive. He knew how selfish he’d been. Only thinking of himself. He never, not once, considered that his choices would affect others. If he’d known, maybe things would have been different. “I don’t have my grace anymore, Dean.”

Dean snorted. “We can’t have everything we want in life. I’ve known that my entire life.”

Castiel pushed some of the food sitting between them away. He wrapped an arm around Dean’s shoulders, pulling him closer. Dean let Castiel hold him. Castiel leaned his forehead on Dean’s temple, listening to the sounds of the night and the rhythmic breathing of Dean’s breath.

Castiel wanted to tell Dean so many things. He wanted to say: _You have me, Dean. I can’t heal you, and I can’t mend the past, but I’m here_. He wanted to find a way to help Dean understand that he wasn’t guilty of anything. That the guilt fell entirely on Castiel. But how? How could he convey that with words?

Dean returned to staring up at the stars in the sky. With his free hand, Castiel reached for Dean’s hand and held it firmly in his. That seemed to ease both of them, the simple gesture of holding each other’s hand. Castiel finally looked up, trying to see what Dean was seeing. His arm around Dean’s shoulder loosened as he relaxed.

“I can’t forget the bad stuff, but I can forget that the stars exist, right there,” Dean muttered. “How is that possible?”

“Dean, look at me.” Castiel released Dean’s hand and captured Dean’s chin in his hand. Dean blinked at him, bemused. His eyes went full black for a second, and Castiel smiled. “You’re a demon.”

“I am.”

“You’re beautiful,” Castiel said, surprised to hear the sincerity in his voice.

“I am?”

“Very much so.”

“Cas.”

“You’re human, too,” Castiel said. “More human than a lot of humans, actually.”

“You’re confused,” Dean said, frowning.

“I’m not,” Castiel said. Closing his eyes, he leaned forward and pressed his lips carefully against Dean’s lips. He moved his hand from Dean’s chin to his cheek, holding his face while he kissed him once more, this time a little bit more determined. Dean parted his lips, and Castiel kissed him again. When he pulled back, Dean’s eyes were still closed. His brows were furrowed, almost like he was frozen in a state of confusion and want.

“Cas,” Dean said, opening his eyes. “You should do that more often.”

“Yeah?” Castiel said, removing his hand from Dean’s face.

“Yeah,” Dean said, smiling. His eyes were back to green, although their shade was all wrong due to the darkness of the night. “I’d like that.”

“Me too.” Castiel shivered, and he moved closer to Dean’s body.

“You cold?” Dean asked, wrapping an arm around Castiel’s back, pressing closer to him on the hood of the Impala.

“A little.”

“Let’s go back home.” Dean reached for his keys in his front jean pocket.

Castiel grimaced, blowing warm air on his free hand. It was a chilly night, but not all of his chills came from the cold. “Maybe you’re right. Sam will probably be home by now. He’ll kill us both.”

“I’ll tell him it was your idea.” Castiel gave him a look, and Dean laughed whole-heartedly. “Kidding. I’m kidding.” He stretched out his arms and jumped down from the car. He picked up the mess they’d left behind.

Castiel went to the passenger side once again, glancing at Dean over the roof of the Impala. Dean winked at him, just like he’d done back in the garage. It was almost like he was daring Castiel to get inside the car with him. “Did you believe me when I told you that you’re human, Dean?”

Dean looked away, already opening his door. “Does it matter? I know what I am, Cas. I’m a demon with a fake humanity.”

“It’s not fake, Dean.”

“Yeah, okay.” Dean shook his head. “Come on, let’s go.”

“Dean.”

“Let’s go, Cas.” Dean got back behind the wheel.

Castiel sighed, opening his door and getting in. It was no use trying to convince Dean with words, and maybe even actions. But he wouldn’t give up. Castiel had to help Dean see himself for who he really was.

***

On the way back home, Castiel tried to memorize some of the melodic songs on the radio. They were loud, and often their lyrics were very sad or very angry. He could understand why Dean enjoyed them so much. Castiel usually stuck to his slow songs, the ones that he played while he read before going to bed.

Castiel was busy reciting the current song in his head when Dean shouted something incoherent and hit the brakes. The Impala screeched in complaint, spinning around on the road a few times while Castiel held onto his seat. Castiel jolted forward, pressing into the tightness of his seatbelt. Then, everything was quiet.

Dean unbuckled his seatbelt and bolted out the door. Castiel followed suit, already reaching for his blade. He had no idea what was happening, but he was ready to fight.

When he made it out of the car on the lonely road, he noticed a dark figure right in the middle of the street, limping tiredly. Dean ran toward whoever it was, holding out his arms. Castiel followed behind, but he stopped in his track as soon as he caught side of the person, seconds before she collapsed on the cold ground at Dean’s feet. Dean scrambled over, lifting Anna’s head and holding her off the ground in his lap.

Shaken out of his momentary frozen state, Castiel walked over, unable to make sense of what he was seeing. Anna’s shirt was covered in blood, which seemed to be coming from her stomach. It looked like a knife wound. Dean clutched at her stomach, putting pressure on the wound, and then Castiel heard Dean shouting orders, “Call the police! Call for an ambulance, Cas, hurry!”

Castiel nodded, searching every pocket until he found his cell phone. He dialed and announced his situation, never once taking his eyes off his friend. Anna’s eyes had gone completely blank, and the pool of blood was quickly increasing.

_Is she dead? Is Anna dead?_ Castiel couldn’t ask the question out loud for fear that the answer would be yes. His knees went weak and he knelt on the ground, near the limp body of his best friend. Castiel’s eyes flickered back to Dean for a single sign of hope, but he saw none.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**"Now I've been running all my life. I ran away, I ran away from good. Yeah, I've been waiting all my life. You're not a day, you're not a day too soon."**

[Sia - _Day Too Soon_ ]

* * *

 

The headlights of an approaching car down the road made Castiel jump up. Tears welled up in his eyes, but he wasn’t crying. Anna was still in Dean’s arms. They would have to get her body out of the way, but neither of them even tried to move.

“Cas, hey, baby, look at me.” Dean grabbed Castiel’s chin with one hand, making him face Dean. “Anna is still alive,” he said. “Do you hear me? She’s not dead.”

“Are you sure?” Castiel mumbled, fixing his eyes back on Anna’s pale face.

“Yeah, she’s still breathing,” Dean said. “She has a pulse. I can hear her heart.” Dean released Castiel and pushed some of Anna’s hair back. “She just needs to hang on until the ambulance arrives. You think you can do that for me, Anna?”

Castiel blinked until the tears in his eyes dried out. The next thing he heard was footsteps. When he looked up, he was blinded by the headlights of the car that had stopped a little ways from them. The driver had gotten out and he was heading their way.

“What happened here?” the man asked, his voice stricken with worry. Too much worry, in fact. Castiel tried to look up at him, but the bright light shining behind him clouded his vision. He could barely distinguish a few of his features.

“Son of a bitch,” Dean hissed, reaching for the inside of his jacket. “Demon.”

“What?” Castiel asked, instantly rising to his feet as Dean pulled out his knife.

The man was smiling now and Castiel lunged at him before thinking it twice. The two rolled on the pavement, one far stronger than the other. The man had a sharp knife in his hand and once they stopped rolling—Castiel on top of him—the man brought the tip of his knife to Castiel’s throat. With all the strength he could gather, Castiel gripped the man’s wrist, holding it far away enough so that it didn’t make contact with his throat.

“Dean!” Castiel yelled, but not because Castiel was no match for the man. A second person exited the parked car. This time, a woman. She headed towards Dean, but Dean refused to abandon Anna’s body on the cold road. He remained on the ground, holding up his knife. “Fuck,” Castiel cried, returning his attention back to the man—demon—underneath him.

“You’re no angel,” the demon said, tauntingly. A sinister laugh burst out of him. “You’re nothing but a weak human, aren’t you?”

“I really don’t have time for this shit,” Castiel said, releasing one of his hands holding down the demon in order to reach for his blade. It happened rather quickly, because as soon as he felt the knife cut into part of his neck, Castiel stabbed the demon right in his heart. The demon, and the man, both became completely still. _I just killed a man. I killed a person_. Castiel felt it, he felt himself on the verge of a breakdown, but then he heard Dean a few feet from him, fighting for his life and Anna’s, and Castiel retrieved his blade, getting back on his feet.

Dean was standing in front of the woman’s lifeless body, gripping his bloody knife. Anna was lying on the hood on the Impala. How Dean had managed all of that in such a short amount of time, Castiel had no idea. But he was grateful they were both alive. Maybe all three of them would make it through the night.

“We can’t stay here, Dean,” Castiel said, gripping his blade as he turned in a circle, fearing another attack. Some parts of this—the fighting—came naturally, but others did not. He knew he had been a soldier in Heaven, but he was well aware that all of that was gone now. All that Castiel was now came down to this, a man with average strength and a powerful blade. “We need to get Anna to a hospital before it’s too late.”

Dean’s eyes were still locked on the woman’s body. His eyes had gone to black, and they hadn’t changed to their original form yet. “They did this,” Dean whispered. “They did this to her.”

“Dean, you’re not listening to me,” Castiel said, scrambling over to him. “We can’t stay here.”

“It’s my fault, Cas,” Dean said, glancing up at him. His eyes went back to green. “It’s my fault they hurt Anna.”

“What are you talking about? You don’t know what happened to Anna. Dean, we need to go. Get in the car. I’m driving.”

Castiel knew that if they waited for an ambulance to find them on this long road, it would be too late. They also had to leave before those two dead bodies were found. Dean managed to snap out of it long enough to put Anna in the backseat of the Impala, but he insisted on driving. They made it to the nearest hospital in a flash, and Dean and Castiel both stood side by side, watching as Anna was rushed into the ER.

***

It was quiet in the waiting room of the hospital. Castiel had called Sam, and after yelling at him for five minutes straight, he’d said he was on his way. Dean had his face in his hands. For a moment, Castiel really wondered if what Dean had said was true. They found Anna on the verge of death and a few minutes later two demons showed up. It did look suspicious, but Castiel didn’t want to get ahead of himself. Most importantly, he didn’t want to think that Dean was in one way or another responsible for Anna’s attack.

“You want some coffee?” Castiel asked him in an effort to ease some of the tension in the room. Being in the waiting room was making Castiel anxious. It could have been that he never liked hospitals, or that he had blood in his hands, or that Dean was covered in Anna’s blood. All of those reasons and more made Castiel terribly anxious, but this wasn’t about him, after all.

“No.” Dean lifted his head to glance at Castiel. “You’re bleeding.” Dean reached for Castiel’s neck, and his fingers came out bloody—bloodier. “Did he hurt you?”

“It’s just a little cut,” Castiel said, covering up his neck. “I’ll be alright.”

“Don’t be stupid, Cas. You’re at a hospital. Go get that checked out.”

“Dean, I’m fine,” Castiel said, slowly. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Dean rolled his eyes, straightening up in his chair. “I don’t get it. I just don’t fucking get it.”

“Get what?” Castiel asked, frowning.

“Why they want me so bad!” Dean cried. A few people stared at his little outburst, but Castiel’s glare made them look away. “I don’t get why I’m so special to them.”

Castiel pursed his lips. He knew why. There was a huge reason why Dean was so desperately wanted. Castiel wanted to tell Dean everything, to warn him that it wasn’t only demons that were after Dean. That any day an angel, an archangel maybe, would show up at Dean’s house and Dean would have no way to defend himself. There were wards to keep angels out, but Castiel couldn’t remember them. He knew blood was necessary to create them.

“What’s that look, Cas? What do you know?” Dean said, studying Castiel intently.

Castiel sighed. “Look, Dean, now is not the time. I will tell you, but not now. And definitely not here.”

“Are you shitting me?” Dean lowered his voice, leaning closer. His brows were furrowed, and he was glaring at Castiel. “You know something you’re not telling me and you want me to _wait_ to hear it? Hell no. Whatever it is, spit it out.”

“Dean, no.” Castiel shook his head, shifting in the seat. “Not here.”

“Tell me _now_.” Dean gripped Castiel’s shoulder, forcing him to face Dean again. “Speak.”

In that moment, Sam walked into the waiting room area, and Castiel quickly rose to his feet, rushing over to greet him.

“Why don’t you ever listen to me, Dean?” Sam demanded, running a hand through his hair. “I came home to an empty house and I thought that you’d been taken and Castiel wasn’t there so I thought maybe he’d been taken too. I went out looking for you. God, Dean, why did you leave like that? I had no idea where you were!”

“I know, Sammy,” Dean said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I’m sorry I didn’t leave you a note or anything. We didn’t think any of this would happen.”

Sam nodded, crossing his arms. “We’ll figure this out. In the meantime, let’s get you home. It’s not safe out here.”

Dean arched an eyebrow. “I’m staying here.”

“Are you crazy?” Sam asked, confused. “Dean, weren’t you just attacked by two demons on your way home? I’m sorry if you think I’m being unreasonable, but you’re coming with me.”

Dean glanced at Castiel before looking up at his younger brother. “Sammy, I’m not your kid, okay? And I’m not your responsibility. When I came back, you agreed that things had to change. We were losing sense of what’s really important. Look at you, Sammy, you’re a lawyer. An actual fucking lawyer. You live in a nice house, and you even have a dating life. You have normal friends now. Sam, you’re out. You’re finally out and clean. Don’t let me drag you back into this life. This isn’t for you. I’m screwed, man, but you’re not.”

“Dean.”

“You know it’s true,” Dean said. “You know I’m right. Whatever I do with my life, and wherever it leads me, it’s all on me. Not on you, and not on Cas. I don’t know how much longer I’ll get to be here. I don’t know if I’ll be able to protect myself next time around. But for now? I want to be here, and I want to be with Cas. Do you think you can respect that, Sammy?”

Castiel looked away, feeling like he was intruding on a family meeting. He realized the meaning of Dean’s words, and if he was being honest, then damn. Castiel decided to finally make himself scarce and wandered over to the halls. He went to the restroom to wash the blood off his hands, and then he bought a Kit Kat from the vending machines because he knew Dean loved them. When he returned, Dean was alone. Castiel walked over and sat beside him, offering him the chocolate in silence.

“Cas, I need you to tell me one thing,” Dean said, giving him a sideway glance.

“Anything.”

“Is my brother in danger?”

Surprised, Castiel stared into Dean’s eyes. It was strange seeing them this beautiful green hue rather than the black that covered them earlier. “I don’t know, Dean. There are many protections in your house, but you don’t have certain guards against other…beings.”

“What do you mean?” Dean asked, frowning.

Castiel leaned in to whisper in his ear. “Angels.”

“Why would I need protection against them?” Dean shook his head, bewildered.

“Well, I’m not entirely sure that you do, but it wouldn’t hurt to have them.”

“You’re lying,” Dean said, sighing. He opened the Kit Kat, split it in half, and offered one piece to Castiel. “Just like you lied the first time we kissed.”

Castiel bit into the chocolate. Dean regarded him with terrible scrutiny, but Castiel did his best to not look guilty.

“Lucky for you,” Dean said, “I like you too much to resent you over a couple of lies.”

Castiel tried not to smile, but failed. “You like me?”

Dean rolled his eyes and chuckled. “No, I go around kissing guys I _don’t_ like. Of course I like you, _assbutt_.”

“I deserved that.” Castiel shrugged one shoulder. “I’m very fond of you as well.”

“Hey, I’m sorry I couldn’t save you back there,” Dean said, crumbling the chocolate wrapper in his hands. “I had to shut off part of my humanity, you know? That witch doctor told me that every day the spell would hold back my instinct to attack. My body froze ‘cause I needed to turn it all off for a moment.”

“I think I can handle myself just fine, Dean.” Castiel rubbed Dean’s arm before leaning his head on his shoulder.

“Yeah, no kidding. You were like a ninja.” Castiel felt the press of Dean’s lips on his head.

“Anna will be fine,” Castiel said, trying to convince himself more than Dean. “She’s strong. She’ll make it out of this.”

“I sure hope so. She didn’t do anything to deserve this.”

“You didn’t cause it either, Dean.”

Dean inhaled a deep breath. “We’ll see about that.”

***

Anna was still unconscious when Castiel was allowed to go in and see her. He had technically lied to the doctor when he told him he was her brother. They weren’t blood related, but Anna had been Castiel’s sister in Heaven, and that hadn’t changed on Earth.

She had lost a lot of blood, and had received a transfusion. She was hooked up to a lot of machines that made Castiel cringe. Hospitals had been created to postpone death as much as possible, but Castiel wasn’t used to all of those machines and medicines. He’d known how to heal in the past. Castiel used to be able to heal with a touch. It was much simpler and natural in some ways. This didn’t make much sense to him, but he accepted it because he knew all of these things were keeping his best friend alive.

“Anna,” he muttered, moving to the side of the bed. He pulled a chair from the corner of the room and sat beside her. “The doctor said you shouldn’t be alive. Can you believe that? He said you lost a lot of blood, and the wound could have punctured your vital organs, but it didn’t.” Castiel laughed halfheartedly. “Do you still believe in miracles, Anna? I don’t know if I do. But I’m glad you’re alive. And I’m sorry for being so distant with you these past few weeks.” Castiel sighed, reaching for Anna’s hand. He took it in both of his. Her hand was so cold and fragile. “I’m sorry for being such a bad friend.”

He watched her in silence for a long while, the only sounds in the room were of their breathing, and the heart monitor that proved Anna’s heart was still beating, still going even after the strain it had been through. Castiel leaned forward and pressed his lips to Anna’s forehead. It wasn’t something he’d ever done before. For so long, Castiel had seen Anna as a close friend, but now that he knew who she really was, he felt more inclined to treat her as a sister.

And right now, Castiel was the worst brother Anna could have. He had neglected her, and if she hadn’t stumbled out into the middle of the road, Castiel would have never known she’d been in trouble. Why the hell had she been on the road leading to Castiel’s house? Had she gone to see him? Who attacked her? A selfish part of Castiel wanted Anna to awake so she could put these matters to rest, but he knew that first and foremost, Anna _needed_ _rest_. The questions would have to wait.

***

“You want to go home?” Dean asked.

Home. A small, three-bedroom house in Wesson Street. That was Castiel’s home on Earth. Had Castiel had a home in Heaven? He couldn’t remember. He couldn’t remember, but he wanted to forget that he couldn’t remember. He wanted to drink until his head was numb. Until he passed out and crashed hard enough not to dream.

“Will you come home with me?” Castiel asked. There was something broken in his voice, but he hoped Dean wouldn’t notice, or at least not ask about it. “Will you stay all night?”

Dean grabbed Castiel’s face in his hands; his touch was so tender that it made Castiel’s heart race. “Of course I will.”

“I don’t want to drink alone,” Castiel confessed, avoiding eye contact with Dean. His eyes would reveal too much of what he was desperately trying to hide.

“Cas, I’m all for drinking, but I don’t want you to get like last time. You’re a _really_ sad drunk. I’ll come home with you, but only if you promise not to drink. At least not an entire bottle of Scotch.”

“Fine,” Castiel agreed quickly. He would have stayed all night at the hospital, but the doctor had said Anna wouldn’t be waking up any time soon, and Castiel felt extremely out of place in here. “Fine. Just take me home.”

“That I can do,” Dean said, a smile pulling at his lips. “Come on, huggy bear. I don’t like seeing you like this.” Dean wrapped an arm around Castiel’s shoulder and led him to the Impala.

Castiel still couldn’t remember if he’d ever had a home in Heaven, but he couldn’t care less about that fact anymore. He had a home now. It was the only home he’d ever need.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won't be updating as often from now on. Very sorry about that!

**"Don't, don't leave my embrace. For here in my arms is your place. When the night grows cold and I want to hold you, baby, don't say don't."**

[Elvis Presley - _Don't_ ]

* * *

 

Anna’s car was parked on the side of the street in front of Castiel’s house. It was locked, and after a quick search, Castiel found the keys tossed under her car. Castiel placed the keys in his jacket pocket and headed inside his house with Dean.

“I don’t like this, Dean.” As soon as he walked inside, Castiel flipped on the light switch. “Someone must have chased Anna away from my house, and then attacked her. She couldn’t get in her car. Who did this to her?”

Dean exhaled loudly. “Don’t know, Cas. But I’m sure she’ll tell us once she wakes up.”

“Maybe I should have stayed with her,” Castiel said, looking around the house with a frown. Nothing was out of place, but he felt a chill run down his spine just thinking about Anna’s attacker. “What if whoever hurt her goes to find her at the hospital? What if they want to finish what they started?” He faced Dean with a helpless look on his face.

“No, no, if they wanted Anna dead, they would have made sure of it before we found her. They did this to send a message.”

Castiel squinted at him. “What message?”

Dean looked away. “A message for me. To stop running. They’ll find me sooner or later.”

“Dean…”

“It’s the truth, Cas. It’s stupid to pretend we don’t know it.”

Castiel pulled out Anna’s keys and placed them on his coffee table, along with his own keys. He moved past Dean to lock his front door and then he removed his cardigan. He noticed Dean standing there in the middle of his living room, motionless. “I’ll understand if you want to go back home. Sam’s your brother. You’ll want to make sure he’s safe.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Dean smile. “I think Sam’s better off away from me. Same goes to you, but the way I see it, you’re already screwed.”

“I am, am I?” Castiel arched an eyebrow, walking a few steps closer to Dean.

“Hmm, you’re still an angel deep inside, Cas. Whether you like it or not, you’re part of this whole mess. At least neither of us is alone on this.”

Castiel grimaced when he realized the truth in Dean’s words. It wasn’t as though he’d ever truly believed he was on the clear. He knew he wasn’t really all-human. It was in his fate to stand beside Dean in all his crazy ideas, either to help him or stop him. Castiel would never be normal, much less have a normal life. It was time he got used to that.

But tonight he wanted to forget that. To forget everything, and pretend that they were only two people both in need of comfort and each other’s company.

“Come to bed with me?” Castiel asked, offering Dean his hand.

Dean held his hand and drew Castiel close, pulling him to his chest and wrapping his arms around him. Castiel felt Dean’s warm breath on his neck, and his hands firmly on his back. Castiel freed his hands from the small space between them and draped them around Dean’s waist. He hadn’t realized how much they both needed the contact until that moment.

“Fuck,” Dean muttered, nipping Castiel’s shoulder.

A soft chuckle escaped Castiel, and he pulled back to look into Dean’s eyes. “What is it?”

“You make me crazy,” Dean said, leaning down to kiss him. He captured Castiel’s lips with urgency. The press of his lips was fierce and warm and somewhat possessive. Castiel gave back as good as he got, parting his lips and letting out a loud moan. He bucked his hips into Dean, who grunted in pleasure and nipped Castiel’s lip. Dean hissed something incoherently, kissing down Castiel’s jaw.

Castiel brought his hands up Dean’s sides, up to his head, guiding his lips back to his mouth. He kissed him torturously slow, allowing his touch to linger. Dean seemed to go along with the decrease of speed, and he bucked his hips in return. In a matter of seconds, Castiel’s pants fit too tight for comfort as he continued pressing his body against Dean’s.

As their kissing heated up again, Dean started moving forward, making Castiel take the same amount of steps backwards. They nearly tumbled down, but Dean stepped on Castiel’s foot before they fell over. Castiel pulled back, breathlessly laughing.

Dean reached out to grab Castiel’s arms, drawing him near again. “Where do you think you’re going?”

Lifting up his injured foot, Castiel couldn’t stop laughing. “You stepped on me, assbutt.”

“Sorry about that,” Dean whispered against Castiel’s lips, kissing his cheek, nose, and forehead. All of the passion seemed to have subsided, leaving behind something sweeter. Dean nuzzled Castiel’s neck, and then pressed soft kisses on it. It was almost like he was doing his best to earn his apology.

Castiel smiled at Dean once he pulled away once again. He pressed his hands against Dean’s chest, freeing himself from his grip. “Let me grab a couple of beers from the fridge.” He wanted something stronger, but he knew Dean would be against Castiel getting over-the-top drunk tonight. Despite that, Castiel still needed _something_ to get by.

“I thought you wanted to go to bed?” Dean said, frowning as Castiel walked away from him.

“Yes, but not alone,” Castiel said, pulling out two beers from the fridge. And then, deciding that it wasn’t enough, he grabbed two more, gripping them awkwardly in his arms.

“What, don’t I count for anything?” Dean asked, spreading out his arms. He sighed, and then took two of Castiel’s beers and helped him carry them into his bedroom.

“Of course you do, Dean,” Castiel said, setting down his beers on his bedside table. He took off his shoes and jumped in bed, lying on his side. He patted the empty space beside him. Dean watched him warily, holding the two beers in both hands. “Bed’s all cold without you.”

Dean raised his brow. “It’s a good thing you’re pretty. Promise me you’ll never seriously use that come-on line.”

Castiel laughed again, getting under the covers and picking up one of his beers. He opened it with his bare hands and gulped down half of it in one swig. “That is _fresh_.”

Dean shook his head, setting down his beers next to Castiel’s. He opened one of them, but he only took a small sip. He took off his shoes and lay in bed with Castiel, on top of the covers. Castiel shifted in bed, feeling the warmth caused from Dean earlier change into the warmth from the beer. They turned to look at each other, locking their eyes for a long moment.

“Dean, what would happen if you stopped drinking the holy water?” Castiel asked, curiously. He took another swig of his beer. He was starting to feel some of the effects of it.

Dean smiled sadly. “You were there last time, when I forgot to take it once.”

“Yeah, you were threatening me,” Castiel said. He finished his first beer, put it aside, and opened up another. “It wasn’t very nice, you know.”

“Well, what do you expect? I _am_ a demon.”

“You’re full of excuses, aren’t you?” Castiel tried to stay serious, but he burst into laughter after a while. He took another long gulp of his beer before he reached for Dean’s face, and he pressed a long, lingering kiss onto his lips. Castiel moved away, but Dean managed in three more short kisses, cupping Castiel’s face with his calloused hand.

As soon as Castiel’s mouth was free, he gulped down more of his beer. The bitter liquid traveled smoothly down his system. He tried to ignore the exciting feeling in his groin that craved more contact with the man beside him. Anna was passed out at the hospital. His best friend had nearly died, possibly due to Castiel. How could he forget all of that and act selfishly for one night? He didn’t deserve any of it. He didn’t deserve Dean.

“You want to tell me what you’re keeping from me now?” Dean asked, giving him a sideways glance as he gripped the beer in his hand. Castiel frowned at the bottle, seeing how it was still more than half full. On the other hand, Castiel had already gone through two beers and was going for his third. He was in a rush to get to the numbness.

Castiel scooted closer to Dean. He reached for Dean’s hair, combing it with his fingers. Dean closed his eyes at the contact, breathing in heavily. “I can’t tell you everything I know, but I can tell you some of it,” Castiel said.

Opening his eyes, Dean nodded. He sucked on his lower lip, waiting for Castiel to continue. “So tell me what you can.”

“You don’t care that I’m hiding something from you?” Castiel asked, blinking.

“Oh, I care,” Dean said. “Believe me, I care. But I’m not going to make you talk even if I wanted to. I don’t have the energy for that anymore.”

Castiel grinned slowly, gulping his beer again, but never once taking his eyes off of Dean. His eyes were so beautiful. _He_ was so beautiful. And Castiel had him here, in his bed, and he could kiss him all he wanted to. Dean, who had been his charge in another universe, who had been his friend in this universe. Dean who was now a demon thanks to Castiel. _What a most strange relationship, but I like it. I shouldn’t like it, and I shouldn’t want it. But I do. Shit._

“I tried to contact one of my brothers,” Castiel blurted out, watching Dean for a reaction. Dean fixed his eyes on him, nodding slowly. “Gabriel, he’s an archangel. Anna and I tried, but couldn’t trap him down. I think we used the wrong type of liquid. Not the point.” Castiel sighed, took another drink, and set his beer back on the table. “I was sent to a different universe thanks to Gabriel. And in that universe, I met you.”

“You met me?”

“I did,” Castiel said. “You were human. A hunter. And you weren’t in good terms with your brother.”

“Tell me something I don’t know,” Dean said, rolling his eyes.

“No, this was different,” Castiel said, frowning. “Sam wasn’t with you, and it didn’t look like you’d even heard from him in a while. It was serious.”

“Oh,” Dean said, pursing his lips.

Castiel combed Dean’s hair once again, but this time Dean didn’t close his eyes. “Well, you and I got to talking, and then we went out for drinks.”

Dean smirked. “We had sex, didn’t we? Sounds like me. Did I use my good old charms on you?”

“No, Dean, I don’t think you were trying to seduce me,” Castiel said in earnest. He tilted his head to the side. “Well, you did act very nervous at my approach in the bathroom. Perhaps the night was headed that way. And stop interrupting me. I haven’t even mentioned that I was an angel.”

Dean widened his eyes in surprise. “An angel, huh? With the full mojo?”

“Yes, I had all of my powers,” Castiel said, lowering his hand to Dean’s cheek, caressing it with his thumb. “I had my grace, Dean. I was an angel again.”

Dean leaned into the touch. “I like the way you touch me, like you’ve known me all my life.”

“Maybe I have,” Castiel muttered. “In some ways I have.” His gaze drifted down to Dean’s bare neck. “Dean, where is the funny-looking amulet that you used to have?”

Dean reached for his neck, immediately sitting up in bed. “How do you know about that amulet?”

Castiel took Dean’s beer from his hand and set it on the table. He moved to sit closer to Dean. “You asked me for it when I first saw you. Apparently I was using it to search for my Father.”

“Your F—you mean God?” Dean narrowed his eyes. “You’re shitting me, right?”

“I was as confused as you are,” Castiel said, letting out a sigh. “Do you know where it is?”

Dean nodded once. “It’s in my room, stored in a drawer. I won’t wear it.”

“Why is that?”

“It doesn’t feel right,” Dean said. “It’s not important.”

Castiel knew that it was important, but he decided not to push the subject. “Let’s get back to the story, then. While we were drinking, I was able to have a better insight into your mind, your memories.”

“You mean you read my mind?” Dean asked in alarm. “Cas, you read my mind?”

Castiel folded his hands on his lap, looking away from Dean. There wasn’t anything he could say to ease the tension in the room, or decrease the anger that was obviously boiling in Dean. “I apologize for intruding on your mind. Your dream equivalent wasn’t very happy about that either.”

“Because that’s not right, man. It’s not fucking right.” Dean shook his head and crossed his arms.

Castiel decided to continue, regardless of Dean’s reaction. “Through your memories, I figured out why you’re being hunted down by so many and so urgently.” He explained everything, spilling every detail he remembered. One of the downsides of being human was the small capacity for keeping clear memories. Mostly, memories faded with time, some were repressed. Castiel’s memories from that particular trip weren’t as vivid as they once had been. But he remembered the facts, which is what he related to Dean.

“You’re telling me an archangel wants to use my body to bring on the apocalypse? If Heaven wanted me so fucking badly, then why didn’t they bother to get me out of Hell?”

_They did. But how am I to tell you that I left before I saved you?_ Castiel knew that revealing this significant detail would mean losing Dean forever. Losing his friendship, his regard, his company. He wasn’t willing to give him up tonight. Or anytime soon. Postponing that fact would be for the better. “From what I gathered, they couldn’t find the right angel to pull you out. I’m sorry.”

“Lazy bastards,” Dean mumbled. “And to hell if they want me to do them a favor. I’m not letting them inside me, Cas. And I’m not letting any fucking demon take me to hide in Hell either.”

“You’re taking this better than expected.”

Dean shrugged. “I’ve been screwed too many times in the past to be surprised by any of this.”

Castiel nodded, lifting his head to meet Dean’s eyes again. “Is there anything I can do for you?”

“Come here.” Dean spread out his arms and Castiel leaned into them, resting his head on Dean’s shoulder and wrapping his arms around Dean’s torso. Dean still smelled of the Impala, and it made Castiel smile. “You tired?” he whispered, though his voice was muffled as his mouth was pressed against Castiel’s head.

Humming his response, Castiel unhinged his muscles and shut his eyes. “Was gonna get another beer,” he mumbled, drifting off. “But this is nicer.”

“Cas, how long do you think we have until they find me?” It was a very serious question, and it managed to wake Castiel before he descended into sleep.

“I want to think they won’t ever find you,” Castiel confessed quietly. “But they will, eventually. It could be years, and it could be days.”

Dean’s chest rose as he inhaled and fell as he exhaled. His arms tightened around Castiel. “Don’t they care that I’m a demon now?”

Covering his mouth with his hand, Castiel yawned. “I’m sure they’d find a way to get that fixed.”

“They could cure me? The angels?”

Castiel shivered involuntarily, and Dean pulled the covers out from underneath them both. He tossed the warm blanket on top of them, which only managed to make Castiel sleepier.

“Cas?”

“Yes, Dean?”

“Nothing. Go to sleep.”

“Good night, Dean.”

“Good night.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the thing: Life's been hectic lately, but I was inspired today, which hardly ever happens. So, I procrastinated on my responsibilities, and this is the result. Enjoy!

Castiel woke up in an empty bed. Stretching his limbs, he yawned and then rubbed his eyes. The empty beer bottles from the night before were still cluttering his bedside table. He sat up, and started when he saw Dean sitting on the edge at the foot of the bed. His back was rigid and his head was bowed.

“Dean?” Castiel said in a croaky voice.

Dean rose up and turned around, black fiery eyes glared down at Castiel. “Good morning, sunshine,” Dean said with a smirk. His clothes were a wrinkled mess and so was his hair, but Castiel made no comment on either.

“What’s wrong? You don’t look like yourself.” Castiel tried to keep his voice cool, but he feared that Dean had missed another dose and now he would have to fend off an angry demon.

“Oh, but this is who I am now, Castiel,” Dean said, walking closer. “I’m a demon, we’ve always known that.”

“Dean—”

Dean held up a finger. “Why don’t you shut your fucking mouth and let me talk, angel?”

Castiel pressed his lips into a tight line. He tried to climb out of bed, but he couldn’t move an inch. His entire body was frozen, and so were his lips. He sat motionless in bed, eyes widening at the nearing demon.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Dean said, laughing halfheartedly. He knelt down beside Castiel, reaching for one of his hands. He held it as he continued speaking. “You think I didn’t take my glass of burning water, but I took it. Oh, I took it, Cas.” Dean shook his head, glancing up at him. His eyes went back to their normal color, but it didn’t ease Castiel’s sudden panic. He was still completely paralyzed. “I guess you noticed that I suffer from insomnia.”

Castiel swallowed, hard.

“You’re scared?” Dean asked, blinking. Slowly, a smile spread on his lips. It was menacing. “Don’t worry. I can’t kill you. _Yet_.” Dean stretched out his knees, releasing Castiel’s hand. He walked around the bed, stopping at the foot of it again. “I stayed up all night, and I thought of your little story. There were some very interesting facts, weren’t there?”

Castiel shut his eyes since his eyelids were the only things he could still control. He should have known better than to trust a demon. Let alone sleep with one in the same bed.

“If I remember correctly,” Dean continued, grinning wide enough to flash his wolfish teeth. “You said we knew each other in this alternate universe. I was still a human, and you were still an angel. Funny that.”

Castiel opened his eyes. _What are you getting at, Dean?_

“You see, at first I thought ‘no, Cas would never keep something so huge from me,’ but then I thought some more, and I realized that you, my brave soldier, are just as selfish as any other living creature. I figured out the missing piece of your story, Cas.” Dean scoffed. “You were the angel assigned to break me out of Hell. You, _Castiel_ , abandoned me to save your own skin.” His eyes went back to black, and they stayed that way. “You made me what I am today. So I thought ‘what the hell? Let’s give the angel a front row seat to the show.’ Do you like this? Do you like seeing me like this? Because this is all I’ll ever be, buddy. I’m nothing but a soulless, vicious demon.”

Castiel’s heart was racing at the speed of light, and he flinched internally when Dean crawled on top of him, his knees trapping him down. Dean’s obsidian black eyes were fixed on him, a mere inch apart. Castiel shut his eyes once more, pressing them tight. He heard Dean laughing sadistically.

And then his entire body slowly became mobile again, and Castiel shoved Dean away from him. He scrambled out of bed, picked up his blade from the side of his bed, and aimed it at Dean.

“You gonna kill me?” Dean asked with amusement. He stood and approached Castiel cautiously. “Is that what you really want, Cas? How will you ever live with the guilt if you smite the man you were meant to save?”

Castiel was backed into a corner of the room, his hand was trembling, but he held onto the blade with all his strength. “Dean, please, listen to me—”

“A little too late for that,” Dean said, slamming both hands on the wall above Castiel’s head. He leaned forward, his torso nearly falling directly into the blade, but Castiel moved it before Dean injured himself. “I thought you wanted me dead, baby. You didn’t care about me the first time around. Why should you care now?”

“Dean, I didn’t know!” Castiel took a few breaths, attempting to calm himself while Dean hid his mild surprise. “I didn’t know I was meant to save you. If I had, then I wouldn’t have let this happen to you.” He knew that wasn’t enough of an explanation, but it was the only one he had.

Unchanged, Dean’s normally green eyes flickered to the blade. “I want you to kill me now. End it all right now, Cas. I’m this way because of you, so you have to fix it. Come on, man. Kill me before I kill you.” Castiel gaped at Dean, catching his eyes. He was completely serious. “ _Kill me_ before I lose my mind.”

 _Kill you? How can I kill you?_ Castiel dropped his blade against his better judgment. It clinked on the floor, and they both winced. His trembling hand reached up to Dean’s face, and he rubbed the tips of his fingers on his cheek. “I can’t.”

“You’ve always been a coward,” Dean muttered, batting Castiel’s hand away.

“I am _not_ a coward,” Castiel said through gritted teeth.

“Then what are you?” Dean said bitterly. His closeness was suffocating, but Castiel couldn’t shove him away anymore. He couldn’t keep running away. He decided to let Dean get all of his anger out of his system. “You can’t even fix your mistakes. Nobody cares about the good things you’ve done. They don’t matter. What matters is what you’ve done wrong, and how you can fix that. And you can’t even do that.” Dean laughed mirthlessly. “You’re pathetic, angel.”

Castiel tilted his head to the side, allowing the hurt to travel through his system. The most prominent thought in his mind was of how much alcohol he would need to numb himself completely. “Get away from me,” he said sternly. If he wasn’t going to run away, he would at least hold his ground.

Dean stepped back with a half smile. “What do you know? He finally found his balls.”

The alcohol would numb it all in no time, and that was what kept Castiel mostly at ease. “Stick and stones may break my bones…”

“You tell yourself that, angel.” Dean turned his back to him and then he was gone.

Castiel allowed himself to breathe again when he heard the sound of his front door opening and closing. He leaned up against his wall and slowly slid to the floor beside his blade. He picked it up and gripped it in his hands as he considered the possibility of ever having to use it on Dean.

Despite everything, Castiel could never kill Dean, demon or not. Dean was his friend. _Had been_ his friend. Regardless, there was no way Castiel could ever harm Dean. Not in this lifetime. Not ever.

The only reason Castiel got up for the rest of that morning was to grab another bottle of alcohol. There were many choices to pick from in his house, some of them hidden away in various places. He had a fun Easter egg hunt trying to find them all.

And then, he crashed in bed, intoxicated. Burning, burning outside, but numb on the inside.

 

***

His cell phone woke him up in the evening. Groaning, he moved around, searching blindly until he found the annoying device and answered it.

“What?”

“Could you come pick me up?”

“Who’s this?”

“Anna.”

_Anna!_

Castiel bolted upright. He found he was dazed, so he fell back in bed until it all went away. “Anna, I’m sorry.”

“Save it,” she said. “Can you come or not? I don’t have my car with me and I don’t have money for a cab.”

“Yeah, I’m on my way, of course,” Castiel muttered, still lying in bed, not making an attempt to move. “Hang in tight at the hospital. I’ll be right there.”

“I’ll be waiting.”

He hung up and tried to open his eyes again, but the darkness of his room wasn’t making it any easier. Castiel managed to find his shoes and keys, and he was out the door in no time.

On the way to the hospital, he listened to his ten voicemails, all the while cringing at every single one of them.

 _Message 1, from Ellen_ : _“Castiel, where the hell are you? You’re fifteen minutes late for your shift. I love you, but I can still fire you.”_

_Message 2, from Ellen: “Son, if you have a problem, you can call me and I’ll help you out, whatever it is. It’s no good to avoid people. And by people I mean me. Don’t avoid me. You don’t wanna cross me.”_

_Message 3, from Jo: “Cas, Mom’s pissed that you bailed on us today. Ash had the day off, but she called him in. She says she’s angrier than she is worried, but she’s been biting her nails nonstop. I think she’s going to chew off her fingers. Call me.”_

_Message 4, from Ellen: “You better be dead. Why aren’t you answering me? If you’re not already dead, then I’m going to kill you.”_

_Message 5, from Ash: “Is it true? I just heard someone say you got abducted by aliens. I guess if it’s true you won’t get to listen to this message. In that case, remember those five bucks I owed you but then when you asked for them back I told you I already paid you back? Well, I didn’t really pay you back. Sorry, man.”_

_Message 6, from Ash: “Oh, also. Don’t get probed. Heard aliens are bitches.”_

_Message 7, from Jo: “People are spreading rumors about you, Cas. I think it’s ‘cause you never miss work. My mom says she’s on her way over to check on you. She still thinks you’re dead.”_

_Message 8, from Ellen: “I’ve been knocking on your door for a good minute. I want to think you’re okay, Cas, but I’m really worried about you. Your car’s out there, and so is Anna’s, so maybe you’re with her. If you’re in any danger, please give me a call. I don’t want to do this, but I’m gonna go next door to check if the Winchesters know anything.”_

_Message 9, from Sam: “Hey, Cas, Ellen just stopped by. She said you skipped work today. I guess you’re with Dean ‘cause he’s gone and he took the car. Please don’t do anything stupid. Don’t let Dean make you do anything stupid. I hope you’re both alright.”_

_Message 10, from Sam: “So, Dean called and said he was on his way home. I asked him about you, but he said…it doesn’t matter what he said. He just said he was alone. Cas, are you okay? Please, return my call if you can. I don’t want to panic, but I will panic. Bye.”_

Castiel called Ellen first to apologize and explain that he was perfectly alive and on his way to pick up Anna at the hospital. After yelling in his ear for a good while, she sounded way calmer than he’d ever heard her. Ellen told him to take the week off and to stop by for a free lunch. Castiel thanked her and hung up. He wanted to call Sam, but he didn’t. He wouldn’t.

Anna was standing outside of the hospital in her bloody clothes. She looked pale, but better than yesterday. He scrambled out of his car to help her in, but she waved him away and climbed inside by herself. Castiel went back and sat behind the wheel, frowning at her.

“I was going to visit you,” Castiel said apologetically. “I promise I was.”

“No worries,” Anna said. “I’m peachy.”

He glanced at her, trying to read some sarcasm into her voice, but there was none. “Are you?”

“Yes, I feel fine.” Anna smile. She looked much better than she had the night before. “The doctor couldn’t believe how quickly I recovered. He said it was a close one.” She rubbed the back of her neck. “He also asked me how this happened, and I told him I was mugged.”

“What _really_ happened?”

Anna sighed. “Drive. I’ll tell you everything on the way home.”


	14. Chapter 14

**"I've got no time I wanna lose to people with something to prove. What can you do but let them walk and make your way down the block."**

[Nada Surf -  _Blonde on Blonde_ ]

* * *

The soft sound of the television in the background was the only noise in the room. Anna sat on her couch, wrapped up in a blanket. As he cooked them both a dinner, Castiel kept checking up on her from the kitchen. Guilt was an understatement of how he felt after neglecting her in favor of getting drunk.

It had been childish, to say the least. Castiel couldn’t believe that he’d allowed Dean—a demon—to get him down. Castiel was so much more than just a fallen angel, one who had run away before saving a man from damnation. Castiel was a person now, one who had a life on earth, and friends who needed him, who cared for him. He couldn’t believe that he’d allowed a demon to make him forget all of that.

Once the chicken soup was done, he fixed two bowls and brought them over to the coffee table. Anna smiled a tiny smile at him as he pushed the table closer to her. Castiel sat down on the edge of the couch in front of Anna, and he glanced at her carefully. He couldn’t fit another apology into their relationship, but at least he could be there for her.

“Thanks for the soup, Castiel,” Anna muttered, reaching for the glass of water. Castiel handed it to her. “I’m really not that hungry. I feel fine.”

“Nonsense,” Castiel said, taking the glass of water back from her and handing her the bowl of soup. “Eat up.”

“Aren’t you going to say something?”

“What do you want me to say?” Castiel asked, frowning.

Anna shrugged. “You haven’t said a word about what I told you on the way home.”

Castiel tensed, sitting rigidly. His eyes flickered away from Anna, and settled on his knotted hands. He still didn’t know what to make of any of it. The whole subject made him uncomfortable, to be honest.

“Castiel, we can find our graces,” Anna said, staring up at him. “I can do a tracing spell and we can go find them.”

Growing exasperated, Castiel shook his head. His eyes shot back to Anna, and he narrowed them at her. “Are you so desperate to die? Why do you insist on putting your life at risk?”

“Because you were right,” Anna whispered. “I was lying to myself. You and I, we can’t be human. We’re angels. We don’t belong here.”

“You belong wherever you want to be, and I know you want to be here,” Castiel snapped. He rose from the couch, pacing around the room. “Anna, look at what they did to you. All you did was overhear this man’s conversation regarding our graces, and he nearly killed you for it. He doesn’t want us to find our graces. He’ll kill us before we ever get to them.”

“Metatron can’t kill us,” Anna said through gritted teeth. That name, it sounded all kinds of wrong coming out of her lips. She claimed that Metatron was the name of the rogue angel who traded their graces for their souls. She heard him speaking of their graces, of a warehouse where he kept them all in storage. He hadn’t really fabricated a soul for neither of them; no, he’d merely scraped a majority of their grace attached to their souls. This meant that both Anna and Castiel still had a little bit of their graces inside of them, which allowed Anna to heal and recover at a rapid pace. _This is insane_.

“How can you be so sure?” Castiel asked, pausing in his antsy pacing to glance at her. “What else do you know?”

“Castiel, as long as we’re alive, our graces will be more powerful,” Anna said, her eyes lighting up with sudden excitement. “Metatron wants to use our graces for something, something I haven’t figured out yet. But he knows that by killing us, the power from our graces will diminish considerably. He won’t kill us. But he won’t make it easy for us to get to them.”

“We won’t get to them, then,” Castiel said, nodding his head. “Simple as that. You and I chose this life. We can’t go back on it now.”

“Castiel, listen to yourself!” Anna bellowed. “You were a soldier! An angel of the Lord, all powerful and courageous! This man is planning on using our graces for God knows what, and you’re willing to stand there and do nothing?”

It sounded terrible, he knew it did, but he didn’t have the mind to set out on some twisted scavenger hunt. Especially not when Anna had been severely attacked so recently. “No. I’m putting my foot down, Anna. I’m not up for this.”

“Alright,” Anna said, easily. She set her bowl back on the table, untouched. “If you don’t want your grace back, I understand. But there’s someone else who might be interested in it.”

Castiel furrowed his brow, stepping closer to his friend. He crossed his arms. “Who?”

“Dean.”

“What?” Castiel scoffed. “Why would Dean want my grace?”

“Because a grace inhaled by a demon,” Anna said slowly, “is said to cleanse that soul. If Dean were to take in your grace, he would be cured.”

Before his knees gave out, Castiel knelt on the floor in front of Anna. He lowered his head, his heart beating swiftly. _That’s impossible. My grace can’t save Dean. It can’t be that simple._ “What’s the catch?” Castiel asked, lifting up his head.

“There’s a chance your grace won’t make it,” Anna said with a frown. “It could disintegrate, depending on the damage in Dean’s soul, and then it would be gone forever.”

Castiel sat on the floor and pulled up his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. “I can’t believe this.”

“What’s it going to be, Castiel?” Anna said. “Do you want your grace to end up in Metatron’s hands, or in Dean’s?”

 _It’s my grace, it belongs with me_. But Castiel knew that the moment he gave it up, he would never see it again. And now? What the hell was he supposed to do? Risk his life to save Dean’s? Did Dean deserve to be saved?

***

When Castiel returned back to his house late that night, he was taken aback by the tall silhouette on his front porch. With a small panic, he realized he’d left his blade inside his house. As he approached the figure, he felt himself relax. It was only Sam. He was in one of his usual dark suits, and he stood in front of his door, blocking Castiel’s way in.

“Sam, hey, I was meaning to return your calls,” Castiel said, pulling out his phone from his pocket. “I got your voicemails.”

“Dean told me everything,” Sam said, his voice tense. He was clearly angry, but Castiel continued walking forward. He stopped a few feet from Sam. So, Dean had gone back to his brother to tell on Castiel. Not a big surprise, considering Dean’s past behavior.

“I’m afraid they were some very unfortunate news,” Castiel said.

“Let me get this straight,” Sam said, sounding agitated. He shifted on his feet, leaning on Castiel’s front door. “You’ve been sleeping with my brother this whole time, knowing full well you’re responsible for what he is now?”

Castiel arched an eyebrow. “Sam, I think you have a few details confused. I don’t know what Dean’s told you, but he and I had nothing going on. Not really. Do you think I took advantage of him?”

“My brother’s no saint, but he can be naïve sometimes,” Sam mumbled, glancing at the direction of his house. “I just assumed there was something happening with you two. You spent so much time together. Dean couldn’t stop talking about you. And then when he told me that you were…and what you…I just…I was planning to kick your ass.”

Sighing, Castiel nodded. “I can see how you came to that conclusion. But rest assured, Dean and I, we _were_ friends, at best. Now we’re nothing more than neighbors. If you’ll excuse me, I need to get inside. I’m exhausted.”

“Why did you do it?” Sam choked out. He wasn’t moving aside. Castiel let out a long breath, looking away from Sam’s distraught face. He couldn’t handle it. He’d had enough guilt already to add anymore to the pile. “Why did you run away? You could have saved my brother, Cas.”

“I’ve made mistakes, Sam. I’m sorry.”

“That’s it? You won’t fix him?”

“I can’t!” Castiel snapped. “I can’t fix what’s already broken, Sam. I just want to live another thirty years as human, and I want to live them in peace.”

“You owe us more than that, Castiel,” Sam hissed. “Dean needs you. He needs your help. We need you in on this, man. You can’t just hang us out to dry.”

Castiel covered his face in his hands. He slid his hands up and pushed back his messy, greasy hair. He felt like shit inside and out. “Of course. Of course I’ll help as much as I can. It’s the least I can do, right? I’m sorry, Sam, I really am.”

“I know, Cas,” Sam said. “I believe you.”

“Thank you,” Castiel mumbled. “Could you move out of my way, please? I really need to get inside.”

Sam moved aside, and waited until Castiel unlocked his front door and flipped on the lights. When Castiel turned around, Sam was standing in the doorway, looking defeated. “Is there really nothing you can to do fix my brother?”

Castiel had come to a decision back at Anna’s. He would forget about the entire thing regarding his grace. Dean could learn to live with his problem. Anna, on the other hand, hadn’t given up on any of it. Despite his remorse and guilt, Castiel couldn’t risk his and Anna’s life just to cure Dean. Maybe he was being selfish, or maybe he was too damn furious to be kind to Dean. “Not unless you’re willing to kill an angel.”

Sam blinked, stunned. “Kill an angel? What do you mean?”

“Forget it,” Castiel said, waving a hand dismissively. “It’s useless.”

“No, Cas, now you have to tell me. Please. Is there a way to save Dean from this?”

Castiel pinched the bridge of his nose. _Why had he opened his mouth?_ “Apparently an angel’s grace can cure Dean. Unfortunately, your only two options are graceless, so there’s no use.”

“But there is hope,” Sam said, eyes widening. “Holy crap, there’s hope. We need to find an angel. I’ll get started on the research.”

“Sam—”

“Look, Cas, now that I know there’s a way to help Dean, I won’t rest until I find this cure.”

“You’re _not_ going to kill an angel, Sam,” Castiel said. He couldn’t understand how easy Sam spoke about this. The angels were Castiel’s family. He wouldn’t allow Sam to murder an innocent brother or sister just so save an unworthy man. “I won’t let you.”

Sam looked bewildered. “You won’t _let me_ cure my brother?”

“No, I won’t let you hurt my family.” Castiel clenched his hands into fists, approaching Sam once again with absolute defiance. “You listen to me, Sam Winchester, you won’t lay a hand on any angel, or I will kill you myself.”

“Castiel, did you just threaten my baby brother?” Dean pushed past Sam, barging into Castiel’s house. He looked different somehow. His hair had gotten shorter. Dean wore dark jeans, a black shirt, and a brown leather jacket. He carried his usual knife in his right hand, and he twisted it around, almost as if playing with it. When he stood nose-to-nose with Castiel, Dean’s eyes flashed black before they returned back to their normal green. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you. The way I see it, you can die easier than me.”

“I wasn’t expecting so many visitors tonight,” Castiel said, lifting his chin. He should have stepped back, should have gotten his blade from his bedroom. But he was standing up to his very own demon. He wasn’t afraid. “You Winchesters don’t travel alone, do you?”

“Dean, I don’t need you to defend me,” Sam said from behind them. “Cas and I were just talking.”

Dean gave a toothy grin, the one that was just for show. “Talking about killing you, Sammy.”

“You don’t scare me, Dean,” Castiel said, returning the smile. “I feel sorry for you. It must be tough, being stuck as a demon for eternity, knowing you’ll never be the same again.” Maybe he shouldn’t be messing with an angry demon, but hell, Castiel really had no fucks left to give. Not tonight.

 


	15. Chapter 15

**"Oh, coming out of the woodwork. Chest burns like John Hurt. Coming out of the woods."**

[Alt-J -  _The Gospel of John Hurt_ ]

* * *

 

“Okay, that’s enough,” Sam said, breaking them apart. He shut the front door, turned the lock, and faced them again. “Both of you, sit down!”

Castiel glared from Dean to Sam, but he relented once he saw the look in Sam’s face. He was having none of it. Dean took his seat on the same couch, but the two of them sat as far apart from each other as possible. Sam hovered over them, staring blankly between them.

“I know we’re all mad,” Sam said, inhaling and exhaling, almost as if trying to calm himself down first. “We’re mad for all very different reasons.”

“Skip to the part where I kill this bastard,” Dean mumbled, sneering at Castiel.

“Keep it in your pants,” Castiel said.

“See? This isn’t right. We’re adults! Communicate as such.” Sam shook his head at both of them. “Let’s talk about the elephant in the room. Dean’s pissed because Cas didn’t pull him out of Hell, ultimately resulting in Dean becoming a demon. Dean, why else are you mad at Cas?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “I’m not into this therapy session crap, Sammy. Move on to the killing part, will ya?”

Sam sighed. He turned to Castiel. “Cas, why are you mad at Dean?”

“Because he’s a dick,” Castiel said, although that was an understatement. He was mad at Dean for making him lose control. Dean was responsible for everything wrong in Castiel’s life.

“Fair enough,” Sam said, nodding once. “And I’m mad at both of you for behaving like children. We’re more than neighbors, Cas. We’re your friends. And I guess you could say we’re also your partners.” Dean scoffed at that. “We’re in this fucked up mess now, all of us. Dean’s being hunted down by Heaven and Hell. He can’t really focus because of his state, so we need to find his cure, do we all agree?”

“Absolutely not,” Castiel said sharply. “Not the way you want it.”

“What cure?” Dean asked, glaring at Castiel. He looked pained to have to ask him for explanations. Fortunately, Sam jumped in to fill Dean in on the news. “Sweet baby Jesus.”

“Excuse me?” Castiel said.

“Where can we find an angel?” Dean asked his brother, looking giddier than ever. “I’m ready to be cured.”

“No, you’re not killing any angels,” Castiel said. “You’ll have to kill me first.”

“With pleasure,” Dean said, smirking over at Castiel. “Where do you want it done? This is your place, after all.”

Sam silenced both of them before they started yelling back and forth. “We’re not killing any angels, alright? Castiel already stated that he wouldn’t be okay with it, so we’re not doing it. Besides, that might prove to be harder than it sounds.”

Castiel closed his eyes for a moment, feeling entirely relieved to hear that from Sam. At least there was one sensible Winchester. However, Dean didn’t seem too happy with that.

“What the fuck, Sam?” Dean said. “How am I getting this cure if we can’t kill any angels?”

Sam glanced at Castiel, his eyes softening for a moment. “Cas, where is your grace?”

Dean gaped at him, his jaw dropping. “Wait a minute, are you donating me your grace, angel?”

“Of course I’m not,” Castiel said. “I have no idea where it is. And even if I did, I wouldn’t just hand it over to you. You’ll have to find another fallen angel for that.”

“Can I kill him now?” Dean asked Sam.

“Dean, I’m trying to find some common ground, work with me here,” Sam pleaded. “I’ll start researching tonight, and in the meantime, we’ll try to keep all of your bounty hunters away from you. By ‘we’ I mean Castiel and I.”

“The last thing I need is a babysitter,” Dean complained.

“I’m willing to help,” Castiel said. “As long as Dean and I keep our interactions to a minimum. I’m not being arrogant, I’m being precautious. I’ve lost count of all the times he’s threatened to kill me.”

“He doesn’t mean it,” Sam said, trying to pacify him. Castiel would have called it condescending, but he knew Sam meant well. He seemed sure of his brother’s good intentions.

Dean smirked at Castiel. “You better sleep with one eye open, buddy.”

“I can assure you that won’t be necessary, Cas,” Sam said. “Dean won’t kill you. He wouldn’t kill someone who makes him this excited.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Dean asked, looking flustered all of a sudden.

Castiel observed Dean for a moment, trying to understand the very inscrutable man sitting beside him. As much as he wanted to, Castiel couldn’t really see within Dean. For a time, he thought he could. He’d trusted Dean; he’d liked Dean. But maybe Castiel had been blinded by his strong attraction to him. It couldn’t have been more than that.

“Look, I’m not stupid,” Sam said, holding up a hand when Dean tried to interrupt. “I’m not blind either. There’s something going on here that neither of you is telling me. And if you want to just blow off some steam, well, I won’t get in the way.”

“Blow off some steam? Sammy, are you asking me to _fuck_ _him_?” Dean asked, motioning to Castiel.

Sam shook his head, his eyebrows jumping up. “God, no. I just meant, if you want to put on some of my old boxing gloves and the appropriate protection, maybe a little match would do both of you good. Why, were you thinking of sleeping with him? I mean, if that’s your thing…”

“I’m not interested,” Castiel said.

At the same time, Dean blurted out, “He’s not my type.”

“Really?” Sam asked. “Because I’ve caught you two kissing before. Anyway, that’s beside the point. If you don’t like my idea, then you’re just going to have to learn to deal with each other in a civilized manner. Can you do that?”

Castiel turned to Dean, glancing into his eyes. There was something in them that he couldn’t really explain. Dean wasn’t as tough as he appeared. And at closer inspection, he wasn’t as angry. He looked just as tired as Sam, maybe even more. Castiel knew that they were way past fixing up their friendship, but at least they could try to work together. It had been Castiel’s initial duty, at least, to guard Dean from all danger. Maybe they could come to a peaceful agreement. Neither of them seemed interested in fighting, at least not in that moment. Maybe the boxing match wouldn’t be such a bad idea for another time.

“Sure,” Castiel finally said. “I have no problem working with Dean.”

Dean looked surprised by that response. When he spoke, he didn’t mask his shock. “I…guess…I’m, yeah, I’m good with that.”

“Great,” Sam said, forcing a smile. “I can’t believe this actually worked.”

“Me neither,” Dean said, getting up from the couch.

The two brothers shared a silent conversation before Sam said his goodbyes and left, closing the door behind him. Hesitantly, Dean walked to the door, turning to look over his shoulder, but Castiel wasn’t following behind, and he certainly wasn’t going to stop him from leaving. Finally, Dean turned around, and he struggled to get the words out of his mouth. “How’s Anna doing?”

“Oh,” Castiel said, twisting on the couch to look Dean directly. “She’s recovering quickly. I made her some soup, and she was watching Buffy reruns when I left. I think she’ll be fine.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Thanks for asking.”

Dean nodded, listening. He opened the door and looked at Castiel once more. “Wanna take a rain check on the boxing match? ‘Cause I would love to kick your ass, angel.”

“Just say the word, Dean. I’ll be ready to knock you off your feet.”

Dean smiled, and then he leaned his head against the door, and his hand gripped the doorknob. “I still hate you. Don’t you forget it, you son of a bitch.”

“The feeling’s mutual,” Castiel said.

Dean’s smile disappeared right before he left.

Relieved to have the house finally to himself, Castiel went into his bedroom and shed his clothing. When he crawled in bed, he winced at the familiar smell of Dean on the sheets. Tomorrow he would change them, and the problem would be solved. Of course, he still had to live right next door to the real thing, and there wasn’t any real solution available there.

***

Castiel opened his door, surprised to find one of his neighbors standing there with a small baby in her arms. Chloe had long brown hair, rolling down to her waist. She was dressed in a navy blue pant suit. And the baby had on a sock monkey onesie; her short hair was tied up on a palm-like ponytail above her head. She was smiling at him.

“Hi,” Castiel said, cocking his head to the side. Chloe didn’t really visit Castiel often, not since she’d had her baby and returned to work. This was unexpected. “How are you, Chloe?”

“Good, thank you,” Chloe said, trying for a smile, but it faltered within a second. “Look, Cas, I’m going to need you to do me a big favor today.”

Castiel nodded seriously, ready to get his blade at the ready in case she needed protection. “Sure, what is it?”

“My babysitter’s really sick, and I gotta rush to work right now. I already called my backup, but she’s out of town. I’m all out of options. I saw your car and I assumed you didn’t have to work today. Please tell me you can do this.”

Gaping, Castiel’s eyes flickered from Chloe to her baby. She looked to be about twelve months old, at the most. She was stretching her arms out to him, opening and closing her tiny hands. “Uh…well, I’m free today, I guess.”

“Perfect,” Chloe said, removing her bag from her shoulder. She handed it to Castiel. “There are two bottles in here, her formula, and plenty of diapers and wipes. I didn’t bring her any toys, but she’ll be fine as long as you talk to her. Maggie also likes it when you read to her, so try that if she starts getting fussy. I will be back at six. Thank you so much, Castiel. You’re a lifesaver!” And then, the tiny human was transferred over to him, and he held her on his side, watching Chloe helplessly as she walked away.

Maggie glanced up at him, and a quiet giggle bubbled out of her. Castiel closed the front door and turned to the baby. When she smiled again, she flashed her few baby teeth in the front. She stared expectantly at Castiel, waiting for him to do something, but Castiel simply stared back. He didn’t think he’d ever held a baby before. He’d interacted with them when he was an angel, but there was never any physical contact. He visited them, assured their protection, but from afar. This was different.

“Hi, Maggie,” Castiel finally said. “My name’s Castiel.”

Maggie smiled even more at hearing his voice. Her hand touched his chin, and she squeezed it.

Castiel grinned at her. “This won’t be so hard. We’re getting along. Now, will you be telling me whenever you’re hungry, when you need a diaper change?”

Maggie removed her hand, and her eyes traveled around the room. She seemed to be taking in the strange place.

“I guess I’ll just have to figure it out on my own,” Castiel said, carrying Maggie with him into the kitchen. He set down her bag on the counter, still holding her in his arms. “I need to make myself some breakfast. Wanna give me a hand?” He glanced at her, but Maggie seemed more interested in his salt and pepper shakers. “Nice hair, by the way,” he said, taking out a bowl for cereal.

Just as he sat down with Maggie at his table to eat his bowl of Corn Flakes, his doorbell rang. With a sigh, Castiel set his spoon down and shared a look with Maggie, who had gone from smiley to grumpy. “It’s nine in the morning, but of course, I have visitors,” he said, rising up from his chair.

Sam stood on his front porch, hands on his hips. “Cas?” he asked, fixing his eyes on the baby in Castiel’s arms. “Is that yours?”

“For today,” Castiel said with a nod. “Can I help you?”

“Well, yes, but I’m not sure if you will,” Sam said, facing him after making funny faces at Maggie. “She’s adorable. What’s her name?”

“Maggie.” Castiel sighed. “What’s wrong, Sam? Is your brother in trouble again?” Why else would Sam be here?

Sam frowned. “Well, Dean figured out a few symbols to keep out angels, but he’s not so sure they’re right. He got them off the internet, so I was wondering if you could maybe give them a look, make sure he’s not just wasting his blood for nothing.”

The last thing Castiel wanted was to go to Dean’s house, but he knew that he was partially responsible for Dean. Although he knew they weren’t in the best of terms, they still had to learn to work together.

“I hate to make you do this, Cas,” Sam said in earnest. “But Dean’s my brother, and you’re…”

“I’m your neighbor.” Castiel turned to Maggie when she touched his chin. Her bright hazel eyes watched him intently. “I agreed to help last night. The least I can do is making sure Dean doesn’t drain himself of blood.”

Sam nodded, looking uncomfortable. “Sorry. I know this isn’t easy on either of you, but if we’re going to be working together, we should try to get along,” he said, and then added, “Try not to kill each other in front of the baby.”

Castiel smiled down at Maggie. It was easy to smile when looking at her. “I’ll do my best.”

“Alright, I gotta get to work,” Sam said. “I’ll see you later, Cas.”

“Have a nice day,” he said, closing his door. Maggie was still staring at Castiel, almost like she was waiting for him to explain the situation to her. Or maybe she was just hungry. “Did you already have breakfast? Where are my manners, Maggie? I’m about to eat my cereal before I even made you a bottle. Come on, I’ll feed you.”

Castiel prepared a bottle of baby formula and fed Maggie in his arms while he ate his bowl of cereal. This would be a long day.


	16. Chapter 16

**"If we're only ever looking back, we will drive ourselves insane. As the friendship goes, resentment grows, we will walk our different ways. But those are the days that bind us together, forever. And those little things define us forever, forever."**

[Bastille -  _Bad Blood_ ]

* * *

 

After they’d both had their respective breakfast, Castiel armed himself with courage and knocked on Dean’s front door. He shifted Maggie in his arms, pulling up her bag on his shoulder. The moment the door opened, Maggie giggled at Dean.

Dean stared at Maggie as if she was a monster he’d hunted before. “What is that?” he asked, not moving his eyes away from her. Maggie was reaching her arms out to him, but Castiel was holding her back.

“Her name is Maggie,” Castiel said, walking inside. “Let me see the symbols. I might be able to remember the ones from your memories.”

“Why do you have one of those?” Dean asked, ignoring Castiel’s request. He went to stand in front of him, catching Castiel’s eyes. “What’s going on here?”

Castiel shrugged. “I’m babysitting.”

A moment of silence followed that statement, until Dean cackled loudly. “Oh God, you’re not joking.”

“No,” Castiel said. “That would be a very elaborate joke.”

“And you’re not a funny person,” Dean said, glancing over at Maggie. “Do you even know what you’re doing? Who would trust you with a kid?”

“Maggie’s mom apparently does,” Castiel said, but then he frowned. “I can take care of another person, thank you very much.”

Dean grinned at Maggie, shaking his head. “Let me get the print outs,” he said, going into his room. When he returned, Dean handed Castiel a few sheets of paper. “Give her to me.”

“No,” Castiel said firmly.

“Come on,” Dean insisted. “You need to look at those symbols. I’ll take her.”

Castiel eyed Dean skeptically. It wasn’t that Dean looked particularly menacing at the moment, but he was known to have major mood swings, and Castiel wasn’t sure he was completely reliable. Still, he took his chance and gave him Maggie. Dean took her and Castiel pressed his lips to her head as she was transferred. Dean fixed his eyes on Castiel, giving him a funny look.

“What?” Castiel asked.

“Nothing,” Dean said, turning his attention to Maggie. “Hi, Maggie. I’m Dean. You can complain to me about that mean guy over there. I’ll protect you.”

Castiel rolled his eyes, sitting at the dinner table to study the symbols on the papers. He thought back on his fading memories—well, Dean’s memories. Some of the symbols matched, but many of them didn’t. Castiel grabbed a pen from the countertop and scratched out the wrong ones. He hoped his strong guesses were correct, for Dean’s sake.

“Dean, why are you so interested in keeping angels out today if yesterday you were so eager to kill one?” Castiel asked absently staring at the symbols.

“Hmm?”

Castiel turned around in his chair, only to find Dean rocking side to side a sleeping Maggie. He cradled her close to his chest, and he watched her affectionately, as though he’d known her all her life. Castiel tried hard not to find the picture endearing, but something softened inside of him. Dean could be so brisk one second, and the next he could be warm and sweet. All his fury had made him forget that Dean had been there for Castiel when he’d needed him the most. Besides, Castiel was to blame for Dean’s current state, and with it, his behavior.

“I’ll lay her down on my bed,” Dean whispered, facing Castiel with a silent question.

Castiel nodded once, and he watched as Dean entered his bedroom and walked back into the living room, leaving the door halfway open. “You think we’ll hear her when she wakes up?” he asked.

“I will,” Dean assured him. He stood in the middle of the room, fidgeting.

“Something wrong?”

“I, uh, have to take my dose today,” Dean muttered. “Could you step outside for a minute?”

Castiel cocked his head. “Why? Do it in the kitchen. I’m not done.” He couldn’t understand why Dean was being so weird about this, but he suspected that it had to do with Dean still being pissed about yesterday.

“Just—please. I’d like some privacy,” Dean said.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Dean,” Castiel said, turning back to his papers. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Dean groaned, and then headed into the kitchen. Castiel heard the water being poured. He continued working on the symbols. Dean had found many. He must have spent hours doing this research. Then again, Sam might have helped as well.

Castiel furrowed his brow at one particular symbol. This was giving him a big headache. “You didn’t answer my question earlier, Dean.”

“Dean?”

Castiel looked up. It took him a few seconds to find Dean in the room. He was crouched up in the kitchen floor, his head in his hands. He was grunting quietly, but it was a heart wrenching sound nonetheless. Castiel bolted out of his seat and rushed to Dean’s side, bending down to offer some help. He placed a hand tentatively on Dean’s back, thinking that Dean would swat it away, but Dean wasn’t moving. His body sat motionless, rigid, his muscles were visibly clenched. Dean was in serious pain.

“Dean,” Castiel breathed, rubbing his hand in small circles on Dean’s back. “Dean,” he repeated, chewing on his bottom lip. He wanted to stop the pain, make it go away, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t do anything.

The grunting noises went on for another minute, and Castiel waited right beside Dean until, slowly, his body loosened up, going back to normal. Finally, Dean lifted his head. His eyes were green, yet watery. His face was crimson. He’d done his best not to show how much this was hurting him, tried not being loud.

Castiel could try to imagine the extraordinary pain Dean had just endured, but he knew whatever he could think up wouldn’t get close to the real thing. And to think that this occurred every single day. To think that at this rate, it would continue occurring. It wouldn’t end. Not without the cure.

“Dean,” Castiel said softly, conscious that his hand was still against his back, but he wouldn’t remove it unless Dean asked him to.

“I’m fine,” Dean said through gritted teeth. “I’m good.”

“Dean, what can I do?”

Dean closed his eyes, inhaling deeply. “Give me a second. It goes away after a while.”

“The only reason I didn’t tell you the entire truth was because I didn’t want to lose you,” Castiel confessed. He’d been so stupid. If only he’d been honest with Dean from the start, they wouldn’t be here now. “I know none of this matters anymore, but I need you to know that.”

Opening his eyes, Dean peered into Catiel’s eyes. After a beat, he nodded. “Okay.”

Not that he’d expected much of a reply from Dean, but ‘okay’ was far from what he’d wanted. Castiel had fucked up. He’d hurt Dean because Dean had hurt him. They’d played the same game, and both of them had lost. He wasn’t even sure what remained from their friendship. He wasn’t sure there was any way to salvage it.

“I don’t need your pity, Cas,” Dean said, getting back on his feet. Castiel rose with him, stepping back to give him some space. “I know you’re feeling guilty, that’s why I didn’t want you to see me like this. I don’t need you feeling sorry for me.”

“You’re mistaken,” Castiel said, although he doubted Dean would believe him now. Not when he was so stubborn and set on his ideas. “I think you’re brave.”

Dean scoffed. “Leave me alone. You got stuff to work on. I’m gonna read.”

“Oh,” Castiel said, walking beside Dean as he patted over to the couch in the living room. “What are you reading?”

“Your stupid book,” Dean spat out. He picked up Castiel’s old copy of _Animal Farm_ and sank himself in the couch to read.

Castiel frowned, trying not to wince at the way Dean moved, like his body was numb but he was forcing it to move against his own will. “I didn’t think you still had that.”

“Of course I do,” Dean said. He didn’t look at Castiel as he spoke; instead, he opened the book to the first page. “This is my fourth time reading it since you gave it to me.”

Surprised, Castiel raised his brows. For a man who’d been so opposed to Castiel’s book club idea, this was a huge change. “Like it that much, huh?”

“Guess you could say that.” Dean started reading, and with that, Castiel understood that their conversation was over.

Castiel smiled at Dean, knowing Dean wouldn’t notice. He went back to sit at the table to continue studying the symbols. He found it harder to focus on them now as his thoughts centered on Dean. There probably wasn’t a good way to breach the bitter gap that had formed between them. That didn’t mean that Castiel would stop trying.

A few moments later, Castiel heard quiet snoring coming from the couch. He got up and walked into the living room, where Dean was sound asleep, sprawled on the couch with the book spread on his chest. Castiel watched his smooth, freckled face finally resting. He didn’t know how long it had been since Dean had slept this way. The two nights he spent with Dean, he didn’t sleep at all. He was obviously on edge constantly, but now Dean looked so peaceful. It was hard to look away.

Eventually, Castiel went back to the table, sorted out the symbols that would work, and got started on them. He grabbed a knife from the kitchen and sliced his forearm, wincing at the immediate sting. Blood dripped out, and Castiel used it to draw the appropriate symbols on every wall.

Castiel had bled for others in the past, for his brothers and sisters. But that had been his duty then. He’d had no choice in the matter. This time, Castiel was willingly bleeding for Dean because he _wanted_ to. It was something he could do, so he did it.

***

With two hours left until Chloe returned to pick up Maggie, Castiel had no choice but to ask Anna to drop by to his place. He had something of import to tell her, and it couldn’t wait.

Anna showed up faster than he’d expected, even though she lived a bit far from him. She looked even better than yesterday, which worked to relieve some of his tension. After introducing her to Maggie, Castiel led her into his bedroom.

“This is interesting,” Anna said, watching as Castiel changed Maggie’s diaper in his bed. After spending all morning with her, Castiel had become an expert.

Pulling up his sleeves, Castiel continued working. “It’s definitely new.”

“Hey, you’re bleeding,” Anna said, signaling to Castiel’s forearm. The cut had healed on its own, but not entirely. “What happened? Is this why you called me?”

Castiel finished up with the diaper and stuffed Maggie back into her onesie, returning her sweet smile. “I used my blood to make some wards against angels,” he said easily. Then, he picked up Maggie and carried her on his side.

“Here?” Anna asked, gaping at him.

“Winchester residence,” Castiel said. “Actually, this is about Dean.”

Anna widened her eyes, sitting down on the bed. “Well, come on, then, don’t leave me in suspense.”

“I want us to find our graces,” Castiel said, and he was glad when his voice didn’t waver. “I don’t care what it takes.”

Dean had once told him that the only thing that mattered was fixing your wrongs, and Castiel needed to do that. For himself. For Dean. He had to save Dean. It wasn’t too late.

“Are you sure?” Anna asked. “Because I don’t want you to go back on this or change your mind midway through.”

“I’m certain that this is what I want,” Castiel said. “I’m doing this for Dean, because I owe him his humanity. I owe him his life.”

Anna gave Castiel a sympathetic smile. Castiel had confessed everything to her the previous night, and Anna had been a good friend to him. Except, he hadn’t listened to her then. He’d been blinded by his anger. It had been a moment of weakness. But now he didn’t care that Dean would never forgive him. He knew that there wasn’t a chance that anything would change, even if it all worked out to their benefit. None of it mattered. What mattered was that Dean would stop hurting.

 “Are we doing this, Anna?” Castiel asked. Maggie stared up at him, and her hand touched his chin.

“We’re doing this,” she said.


	17. Chapter 17

**"Heat shimmers.**  
 **Hips quiver.**  
 **Open smother.**  
 **Lipped lover."**

[Alt-J - _Bloodflood Pt. II_ ]

 

* * *

Feeling empty-handed—and frankly, quite lonely—after Maggie went back home, Castiel made a pie. He had a lot of apples at home, so he opted for that. Since apple was his favorite, Castiel made two of them. And a slight motivation for making them was having an extra one to give to Dean. And Sam, of course.

There was nothing he and Anna could do today. Anna needed to pick up a few ingredients for a tracking spell. Castiel liked her excitement and confidence. It made Castiel confident as well. Excited, not so much. He didn’t know the risks, not entirely. They would get started the next day. Yet another reason why Castiel needed to get his hands busy.

When the pies were done, Castiel picked up one of them, and went next door.

Dean opened the door, not bothering to hide his shock. “Come in,” he said after a moment of silent staring.

Castiel walked inside, and set the pie down on Dean’s table. “I think I miss Maggie.”

“What the hell are you doing here, man?” Dean asked. “And why did you bring that with you?”

Castiel didn’t want to fight, but Dean was clearly not in the mood for neighborly kindness. He attempted to control his mood, and to keep his mouth shut about his earlier decision. Dean couldn’t find out about anything until Castiel had his grace back. Otherwise, he’d give him false hope. “No reason. I made two. Figured I’d share.”

“Did you poison that shit?” Dean asked.

“Oh, please, if I wanted to kill you I would use my blade,” Castiel said, matter-of-factly. “Not that I am planning to kill you.” Castiel sighed. “I thought we were past that.”

“Well, I don’t want it,” Dean said coldly. “I don’t want your guilt pie. I preferred it when you hated me openly. I don’t like this version of you. I know you’re feeling guilty. That’s why you’re here, with that damned pie. That’s why you made those symbols.”

“You’re reading too much into this,” Castiel said.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” Dean barked, stepping closer. Castiel straightened up, in case Dean went off on him. “I’m being a jerk to you and you’re trying to pacify me. I’m not a baby, Cas. I’m a demon! Fucking treat me like a demon.”

Castiel pursed his lips, anger flaring inside him. He wasn’t angry for the same reasons he’d been angry before. This time he was angry at Dean for being so hard-headed. And if Dean wanted a fight, then Castiel would give him one. “You want to know why I’m treating you like a baby? Because you’re being a fucking baby. No, not even. Babies act better than you.”

“You’re a moron, Cas, you know that?” Dean said, taking the remaining two steps to breach the gap between them. Once again, they stood nose-to-nose, defiantly. “I can break your nose with a touch, and you’re still here, taunting me.”

“I don’t think you have the guts to lay a hand on me,” Castiel retorted. “You’re all talk and no action.” Castiel smirked, knowing it was the truth. Dean would never hurt him, just like Castiel wouldn’t hurt him—not physically at least.

Dean laughed mirthlessly. “Oh, don’t tempt me, angel.”

“What will you do? You can’t even call yourself a real demon, being as soft as you are.”

Dean blinked, evidently stunned by that. Maybe Castiel had gone too far. But he didn’t have much time to wonder about that. Dean covered Castiel’s mouth with his, in a kiss so heated that Castiel felt enraptured by flames. Dean’s hands cupped Castiel’s face, pulling him closer as he filled his mouth with kisses. Castiel had no time to think about what was happening, but his body instantly reacted. His hands wrapped around Dean’s waist, gripping the small of his back as he licked the top of Dean’s mouth with his tongue.

A moan escaped Dean’s lip. Castiel nipped on Dean’s lower lip, and he was satisfied to hear another loud moan from him.

“Bedroom,” Dean groaned between kisses, his fingers digging into Castiel’s hair.

“You don’t lose any time, do you?” Castiel said, breathlessly. He pulled away, and took Dean’s hand.

“Less talking, more walking.” Dean pulled him into his bedroom, shutting the door behind him. Before Castiel could get another word out, Dean was kissing him again. They moved towards the bed, and once the back of Castiel’s knees made contact with the edge of the mattress, Dean pushed him back so that they both landed in bed.

Castiel missed the contact with Dean’s lips as soon as it was gone. Dean straddled Castiel’s lap, smirking down at him as he unbuttoned his own shirt. Castiel leaned up on his elbows, admiring the view. He grunted when Dean thrust his hips, pressing his hardening bulge to Castiel’s. “Fuck,” he breathed, throwing his head back as Dean continued moving forcefully against him.

Then he felt Dean’s hands on the hem of his shirt, and as he pulled it up and off, Dean left a trail of soft kisses up the length of his torso. Castiel buried his hands in Dean’s hair, loving the softness of it. Once the shirt came off, Dean kissed Castiel’s lips chastely, like he had all the time in the world just for kissing. It made Castiel absolutely crazy, but he enjoyed every second of it, and he cupped Dean’s face in his hands, savoring the moment.

Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel, and suddenly they were spinning. When Castiel opened his eyes again, he stared down at Dean, and the closeness highlighted the multitude of freckles on his face. He wanted to kiss each and every one of them, so he pressed his lips to Dean’s nose.

“Pants,” Dean said, closing his eyes at the kisses to his face. He hummed as Castiel continued kissing his cheekbones and nose. Their bare chests sliding together felt better than anything Castiel had ever experienced. Skin contact was a miracle of its own.

Castiel finally moved aside, unfolding his legs from Dean. He unbuttoned Dean’s jeans and pulled down the zipper, and Dean lifted his hips as Castiel helped slip him out of them. Then he tugged on the waistband of Dean’s boxer briefs and smiled as Dean heaved a sigh, but Castiel didn’t remove them from him. He knelt beside Dean in bed, trying to hide his laughter at the look of complete desperation in Dean’s face. He loved teasing him, now that he could, and Dean knew exactly what he was doing.

“You’re an ass,” Dean said, leaning up in his elbows. “Come here.” He grabbed Castiel in an embrace and pressed their lips together. As they kissed, Dean’s hands travelled down Castiel’s back, nails digging into skin.

Castiel started kissing down Dean’s jaw, gripping his hands on Dean’s shoulders. He reached Dean’s neck and sunk his teeth into the sensitive skin there, and Dean moaned in response. Castiel followed the bite with a swipe of his tongue, and then continued kissing Dean’s chest, kissed his dark tattoo, and slowly kissed the inside of his thigh. Dean grabbed Castiel’s hair in his hands, spreading his legs apart for him. Castiel smiled up at him, fingers digging once again into Dean’s waistband. Lightly, he pressed his lips to his hips as he slid the last bit of clothing off of Dean, until he was completely naked.

Without hesitating, Castiel took Dean’s cock into his mouth, his eyes stuck on Dean as his eyes dilated and he bit down on his lip. Castiel seemed to know what he was doing, judging from Dean’s reactions. He dug his fingers into Castiel’s hair and tugged at it as Castiel swallowed more of him. Dean bucked his hips, and Castiel allowed the movement, working up a rhythm. Dean closed his eyes, his face lost in abandon. Castiel’s tongue teased Dean’s shaft, tasting his precome. With a pop, Castiel released Dean’s hard cock and immediately went back to kissing Dean’s lips, hoping he could taste himself in Castiel’s mouth.

“Dean,” Castiel whispered, pressing his hand up against Dean’s shoulder, his mind flashing back to Dream Dean’s memories. In another life, Castiel had left a mark there, on Dean’s shoulder. When he’d saved him. When he’d done his job. “I’m sorry.”

Dean shook his head, pulling Castiel’s lips back to his. “Shut up,” Dean urged, slipping his hands down to Castiel’s boxers, finally taking them off. Once they were both completely naked, cocks sliding against one another, creating sweet friction, Dean reached blindly for the drawer of his bedside table. Castiel watched as Dean pulled out a roll of condoms and a bottle of lube. Both which looked brand new.

There was no way to hide his laughter this time. “Like I said before, you’re overly confident,” Castiel said, sitting up and straddling Dean’s lap, taking the items from Dean.

Dean winked at him, licking his lips. “I never lost hope in you, baby.”

Castiel smiled. “I’m glad.” He opened up the lube and slipped some on his fingers. “I don’t want to hurt you,” he said, frowning at Dean. It wasn’t like he’d ever done this before. The last thing he wanted was to screw this up.

“You won’t,” Dean assured him. “I trust you.” Dean’s eyes went from lust and desire to something deeper, something that Castiel couldn’t name or label. But he liked it, and he wanted to see it again. To make sure he wasn’t just imagining this moment.

Castiel bent down and crawled atop Dean once more, covering Dean’s mouth with his own, and when Dean spread his legs invitingly, Castiel inserted his index finger into Dean’s opening. He didn’t move in very far, reading Dean’s every reaction to guide him through. Dean winced slightly, and then he bit on Castiel’s lip, his arms wrapped around Castiel’s shoulders tightly. Castiel allowed his finger to go in completely and Dean groaned in pleasure.

“You okay?” Castiel asked anyway.

“Yes,” Dean said, pulling Castiel down by the neck to press a short kiss to his lips. “One more,” he said.

Castiel relented, sliding a second finger inside. Dean bucked his hips this time, his cock bobbing along. Castiel reached down to take a hold of his own cock and gave it a squeeze as Dean moved underneath him. But now Dean was watching Castiel pleasure himself, and Dean kissed him again.

“I want you to come inside me,” Dean said against Castiel’s lips. “I’m ready.”

Castiel nodded, removing his fingers slowly, watching as Dean exhaled. He slipped one of the condoms on, and applied a generous amount of lube over it to ease the entrance. He settled himself comfortably over Dean and guided himself inside Dean, carefully so. Dean pressed his eyes shut, arching his back as Castiel went completely inside him. The tightness was a sweet pressure on Castiel’s aching cock, and he knew it wouldn’t be long before he came.

“Come on, Cas, move,” Dean urged.

More than happy to oblige, Castiel started moving, jolting his hips back and forth, and with every press, Dean met his efforts, thrusting his hips. “Son of a bitch,” he hissed, a bead of sweat rolling down his forehead.

Castiel buried his face in Dean’s neck, taking in his familiar scent. He gripped a hand to Dean’s shoulder, and he held Dean’s hand with the other, lacing their fingers. They continued moving in a rapid flow that very well matched their heartbeats. Castiel nipped at Dean’s neck every once in a while, when he couldn’t take it anymore and he felt the world slipping out of his hands.

Dean panted close to Castiel’s ear, and a chorus of their moans filled the room. “Cas,” he muttered into his ear.

The sound of his name escaping Dean’s lips sent a thrill down Castiel’s spine. Dean said it like it was a secret only they would ever know. Castiel nipped on Dean’s shoulder this time, and the next second he groaned loudly through his orgasm, his body shaking violently and his mind shutting down momentarily. Dean continued moving, wrapping his legs around Castiel.

“I’m so close, Cas,” Dean said, breathlessly. Sure enough, moments later, Dean came all over Castiel’s stomach and chest, and Castiel kissed him as Dean delved in pleasure.

They stayed motionless a while longer, neither of them willing to move. Limp bodies splayed on top of each other. Finally, Castiel pulled out of him and rolled down to his back, listening to nothing but their stabling breaths.

“Cas?” Dean said quietly, draping an arm over Castiel’s chest, lazily fluttering his eyelids.

“Yes, Dean?”

“Am I going to Hell again for taking your virginity?” Dean asked, a soft smile shaping on his face.

Castiel pressed his forehead against Dean’s, not suppressing a smile of his own. “Of all the reasons you could go back to Hell, I don’t think that’s one of them.”

“Damn,” Dean said, pushing back some of Castiel’s hair away from his face. “Well it was worth it.”

Castiel kissed Dean’s forehead, settling closer to him until Dean wrapped him completely in his arms, and they both lay together, sticky and all. “This was better than the boxing match, wasn’t it?”

When Dean spoke, his voice slurred sleepily. “Hell, yeah. I’d still kick your ass, angel.”

“We should clean up,” Castiel said, poking Dean’s side, but Dean wouldn’t budge.

“Then I won’t smell like you,” Dean said, closing his eyes.

Castiel chuckled. “That’s a price you’ll have to pay, Dean.”

“No. Leave me alone,” Dean complained, squeezing his eyes shut. “I’m tired.”

Castiel rolled his eyes, snuggling closer. In the end, he decided to give in to his sleepiness as well. Castiel knew that this was the calm before the storm. Tomorrow things would change. He’d made his decision. But today? He could live today forever.


	18. Chapter 18

**"All of these people want us to fail. I won't let that happen now. Just you believe me, I'll hide you discreetly. Discreetly from this cold world."**

[Jake Bugg - _Me and You_ ]

* * *

 

The hot steam from the shower fogged up the bathroom mirror. Castiel swiped his hand over it and stared back at his reflection. His scruff was getting worse, but he had no intention of shaving just yet. Dean seemed to like rubbing his cheek against it.

_Dean._

How insane was it that Dean was waiting for him in his bedroom, completely naked and curled up in bed? How fortunate was it that Castiel could have this, could have Dean? After everything that had happened between them?

Wrapping a towel around his waist, Castiel emerged from the bathroom and stepped into the hallway. Before he reached Dean’s bedroom he heard his name being called form the living room. The familiar voice made him smile instantly. But when Castiel walked into the main area, he stopped on his track.

Widening her eyes, Anna shifted on the couch, scratching her head. “Hey, Castiel,” she muttered.

“Anna, hi,” Castiel said, tossing a glance over to Dean. He’d put on a white shirt and basketball shorts, but his hair was still a lovely mess. Dean simply shrugged at Castiel. Returning his attention back to Anna, Castiel said, “What’s the matter?”

“I hate to interrupt…whatever’s happening here…” Anna said, motioning between them. “But I have a bit of a problem.”

If he hadn’t been standing right in front of her, assuring himself that she looked well, Castiel would have grown concerned. He approached her and hovered above her, folding his arms over his dripping chest.

“Metatron burned my house down,” Anna said, frowning. “I came home to fire trucks and ashes. Well, I didn’t even go inside. I lost everything, Castiel. I didn’t know where else to go. When I tried reaching you home, you weren’t there, so I came here. Dean was nice enough to let me in.”

Castiel shared another brief glance with Dean, who looked as surprised and confused as Castiel expected him to be. “What matters here is that you’re alright, Anna,” Castiel said, placing a hand on her shoulder. “You’ll stay with me. We’ll need to get started sooner than planned.”

Anna nodded, the end of her lips curving up. “I knew I could count on you, brother.”

“Would either of you care to explain what the hell’s going on?” Dean said, furrowing his brow.

Castiel sighed. “Nothing’s going on. Anna and I have this situation under control, Dean.” Castiel knew that was complete bullshit, but he still hoped Dean would buy it. He turned back to Anna. “Let me get dressed, and we’ll head home.”

“No, _fuck, no_ ,” Dean said, blocking Castiel’s way. “You’re not going anywhere until you tell me everything. I can handle whatever it is, Cas. You’re not keeping me out of this.”

“Dean, this isn’t the time,” Castiel said, turning on his heel and heading into Dean’s bedroom. As he supposed, Dean tailed Castiel all the way there, and once inside, he slammed the door shut. Castiel ignored Dean for the time being, pulling his towel off and using it to dry his hair and chest while he gathered his wrinkled clothes from the ground.

“The hell it isn’t the time,” Dean snapped, glaring at him while Castiel dressed himself. “Something called Metatron burned Anna’s house down, and you don’t even look surprised. Now you’re talking about some fucking plan. Are you in danger?” Dean’s voice broke near the end, and he was calmer when he spoke again. “Cas, tell me what’s happening.”

Slipping back into his T-shirt, Castiel glanced at Dean, trying for a smile that didn’t stick. “We’re going to get our graces back. That’s what’s happening. I didn’t want to tell you until…”

“Until you died trying to find it?” Dean said, anger flashing in his eyes. “Cas, I don’t want your fucking grace anymore. There’s gotta be another way.”

“Anna and I will be fine,” Castiel assured him. At least, Anna’s theory somewhat proved this to be true. “We need some time, alright? There are some things we need to take care of. I need you to understand.”

“What, you want me to sit here doing nothing?” Dean scoffed. “Do you even know me, man?”

Castiel swallowed, stepping closer to Dean. Tentatively, Castiel raised a hand to Dean’s face and carefully caressed the tips of his fingers against his cheek. “I want you to be safe. I want you to be happy. I’ll do whatever I must to make that happen. I’ll find my grace and I’ll give it to you.”

Dean closed his eyes, leaning into the soft touch. “Cas, please, let me help you.”

Almost as if on impulse, Castiel stood on his toes and pressed his lips to Dean’s, briefly, but hard enough to make him wish for more contact. Dean opened his eyes, dark and hungry eyes, before he pulled Castiel closer and kissed him intently, lingering close even after it was over.

They pressed their foreheads together, wrapped up in each other’s arms and breathing into each other’s mouths.

“I wouldn’t mind loving you, Dean,” Castiel confessed in a moment of erratic bliss. The thrill coursing through his veins was all due to Dean, and there wasn’t any other thought in his mind besides him. There wasn’t another touch he wanted besides his. This was new for Castiel, but it was also familiar. Just like everything was familiar with Dean.

“No chick-flick moments,” Dean said with a smile and a wink. Then, his face went hard and serious. “You do realize I won’t let you and Anna risk your lives if you don’t at least let me help, right?”

“I always knew you were stubborn,” Castiel said, squinting.

Dean grinned widely. “Now the only problem will be keeping Sam out of this.”

“If he’s half as stubborn as you then I don’t see that happening,” Castiel said.

The playful smile disappeared and Dean stepped back, slumping his shoulders. “We need to get out of here before Sam gets back.” He looked around the room, fixing his eyes on the framed pictures on his bookshelf. “Let me pack some things. I’ll meet you next door.”

Castiel nodded, heading back outside. Before opening the bedroom door, he felt two strong hands wrapped around his back, and the press of Dean’s lips upon his neck, before it all went away, and Dean went back to packing.

With knowing eyes, Anna stared accusatorily at Castiel back in the living room. He ran his hand through his damp hair, attempting to make it more presentable. “I should have seen it coming,” she said.

Unable to hide the obvious, Castiel shrugged. He knew what she was referring to. “We had a connection. And I know he and I have this complicated back-story, but we—I mean, I—I feel a lot of different things for Dean, and before I even realized it, we ended up in bed together. We don’t need to go over any unnecessary details, do we?”

“Not at all,” Anna said, amused. “I’m just a little bit surprised. In the past, whenever you dated people, it never was like this. I actually never thought I’d see you this way.”

“What way?” Castiel asked, thinking back to the few times he’d been out with people on so-called dates. They weren’t serious. Mostly, he’d agreed to them to fit the norm. Humans were almost always in search of a partner, whether it’d be to please their romantic or physical needs, or both. But Castiel hadn’t cared about much of those things during his time on Earth. At least not as much as he did now.

“I don’t know. Flustered. Nervous. Scrambling for words to describe your emotions.” Anna smiled. “It’s kind of sweet.”

Castiel pointed to Dean’s bedroom. “Dean’s coming with us, wherever it is we’re going. He wants to leave before Sam gets home. Do you think we can get started on that tracking spell tonight? What ingredients do you need?”

Anna stood up. “I need a lot more than I can gather tonight, Castiel,” she said. “But we’ll try to make do. We should really put up some of those angel wards in your place.”

“We won’t be staying there for much longer,” Castiel said, heading to the front door. He held open the door for Anna.

“I’d still feel better knowing nothing can get in,” Anna said, glancing down, as if ashamed of being afraid.

“I’ll put up the wards,” Castiel promised. “I’m scared, too.”

Anna frowned, looking at the devil’s trap in Dean’s gated front yard. “Yeah, well, fear is a very human emotion. I guess we’re human after all.”

“I guess so,” Castiel said.

***

Stepping in front of Anna on his front porch, Castiel turned the doorknob and entered his house. It was dark inside, so he switched on the lights, searching around. He had the strange feeling that someone was inside, watching him. He blocked Anna’s pathway, and held up his index fingers to his lips before she protested.

“Show yourself,” Castiel said, bracing his shoulders. “Whoever you are, I know you’re in here.”

A few moments later, the figure appeared behind his kitchen counter, a wide smile on his face. Castiel took a few steps forward, gaping at the man he knew was his brother. Gabriel pulled out a knife and held it up to Castiel, despite the distance between them, Castiel paused mid-step, reaching for Anna. With one hand on his blade hidden behind him, he grabbed her arm, ready to protect her.

“Don’t be so melodramatic, Cassie,” Gabriel said. “I just wanted some pie.”

Castiel shared a confused glance with Anna, and they both watched Gabriel as he cut up a slice of the extra apple pie Castiel had made. Gabriel grabbed a plate and a fork and sat down at the table to eat. The next second, the front door was slammed shut on its own.

“Do you mind?” Gabriel said, pointing the fork at Castiel. “I’m eating.”

“What are you doing here?” Castiel asked, clenching his teeth.

“He’s here to help us,” Anna said, the shock clear in her voice. Carefully, she took a couple steps closer to her brother. _What an awkward family reunion_. “He wants us to find our graces.”

Gabriel smiled. “More or less,” he said through a mouthful of pie.

“I don’t understand,” Castiel said, still holding onto his blade. “Why would you want to help us in any way? You ran from Heaven. You’ve been in hiding for centuries.”

“That’s a little harsh coming from you, little bro,” Gabriel said, eating another bite of pie. “If you haven’t been hiding all these years, then what exactly _have_ you been doing?” He smirked. “Oh, I know, don’t tell me. You’ve been having way too much fun with the Winchesters.”

“That’s none of your concern,” Castiel said sharply. “Why are you here?”

Gabriel pushed his empty plate away from him and rose from the chair. He turned to Castiel and Anna, shaking his head. “I’m here to get my stupid siblings what is rightfully theirs. Because I get it. I’ve been in your place. You thought you had it tough up there? I’m an archangel! I was stuck in between two hard-headed brothers and a third one who had daddy issues. I had to hide. But at least I didn’t hand out my grace to some evil mastermind.”

Anna winced at that, and Castiel frowned. If it hadn’t been for Castiel, Anna wouldn’t have been in the same situation.

“We’re working on getting our graces back,” Castiel said. “Anna has a tracking spell.”

“Yeah, about that,” Gabriel said pointedly. “I was flipping through that old, dusty book in your car. Obviously you didn’t read the fine print, sis. That spell only works if you’re a witch. And last time I checked, you’re still just a fallen angel.”

“But I—” Anna said.

“You didn’t know any better,” Gabriel interjected. “Been there, done that. Which is why I’m here to offer up my humble services.”

“For what price?” Castiel asked.

Gabriel hummed. “Not much.”

The front door was opened, then, and Dean let himself in, stopping in his way once his eyes locked with the stranger in the living room. “Oh, hell.”

“Nice seeing you again, Dean-o,” Gabriel said, waving his hand.

Dean turned his glare from Gabriel to Castiel, and the look of betrayal stung. “What is The Trickster doing in your house, Cas?”

Castiel furrowed his brow. “Trickster? You know my brother, Dean?”

“B-b-brother?” Dean said, his jaw dropping with surprise. “Are you shitting me?”

“Let’s just say I’ve had _my_ share of fun with the Winchesters in the past,” Gabriel said. “What can I say? They’re easy to mess with.”

Dean jolted forward, ready to attack the all-powerful archangel who’d apparently doubled as a Trickster, but Castiel caught Dean in his way, tying his arms around his waist while Dean stretched out his arms as he struggled to escape. “Let me go!”

“Calm down, Dean,” Castiel urged, pulling him back and slowly releasing him. “Gabriel’s on our side.”

“This asshat’s on his own side,” Dean spat out. He fixed his jacket once Castiel completely let him go. “You have no idea what he’s done to me and Sam.”

“Why don’t you file a complaint and move on already?” Gabriel said with a smirk.

Dean narrowed his eyes, clenching his hands into fists.

“I’m going to help you,” Gabriel continued as if he hadn’t been interrupted. “And in exchange, my price is simple. I want you to free Lucifer from Hell.”

“You’ve got to be kidding,” Castiel said blankly.

“Why the fuck would we do that?” Dean asked.

“Because your brother and his demon girlfriend never did get to that,” Gabriel said, only to add to all of their confusions. “You know, Ruby.”

“Ruby was never Sam’s girlfriend,” Dean said.

Gabriel nodded. “Yeah, unfortunately she was killed by a couple of hunters soon after you went to Hell. So, now you have to finish the job.”

“We won’t do that,” Castiel said. “If Lucifer is released, then—”

“Then the apocalypse will be inevitable,” Gabriel said. “And all of this mess would be done and over with.”

“Forget it,” Dean said, shaking his head. “It’s not happening. We can manage without you.”

Castiel glanced at Dean, studying his hard features. He was determined not to succumb himself to Gabriel’s will, and it only made Castiel stronger. If Dean hadn’t been here, Castiel would have had no choice but to accept Gabriel’s offer. Castiel looked back to Gabriel. “We can’t do that,” he said. “We won’t do that.”

“Two against one,” Gabriel said, staring at Anna. “What do you say, sis? Will you stick with me or with them? I can guarantee you’ll get your grace back, but they can’t. If you come with me, I’ll protect you throughout the apocalypse. You’ll have my alliance forever.”

Anna’s eyes lit up at Gabriel’s offers, and Castiel felt lightheaded at the sight. He couldn’t believe it. Anna was considering his offer. She was actually considering betraying them in order to get her grace back.

“We’ll find another way,” Castiel said, measuring his words. A slip could get her to switch over teams. He couldn’t bear to lose her. “Anna, we’ll find someone to make the spell work. We’ll find our graces, together, like we’d planned.”

Anna grimaced, looking at Castiel with an expression that revealed her decision. She’d already made up her mind. “We’re too weak to get there on our own,” Anna said. “Castiel, we can be angels again. We can return to Heaven. We wouldn’t need Earth anymore.”

“But the people here,” Castiel said, mouth agape, “They don’t deserve this.”

Anna shrugged. “People die. All the time. There’s nothing we can do to stop it.”

“I always knew you were the smart one,” Gabriel said, approvingly.

“I’m sorry,” Anna said, walking over to Gabriel.

Dean scoffed beside Castiel, but he held back any further comments. Castiel wanted to yell at Anna, to make her see the mistake she was making, but he didn’t. He knew nothing would stop her now. Nothing would change her mind. He’d been so sure of her. He’d always thought Anna would be on his side, on the right side. Was he on the right side? What did it say about all of them that the demon in the room was the first one against an upcoming apocalypse?

Castiel felt pain like he’d hardly felt it before. But it wasn’t anything physical. It was crueler, it ran deeper, it wasn’t anything he could solve with medicine. Castiel was about to lose his sister, and he had taken two steps back from recovering his grace.

“This is your last chance,” Gabriel said, wrapping an arm around Anna’s shoulders. “Are you staying or coming with us? We’re your family, Cas. We wouldn’t screw you over.”

Nothing Gabriel said could convince Castiel that what Gabriel was doing was right. Maybe he thought he was doing the right thing, but Castiel knew better. He grabbed Dean’s hand, and the feel of his calloused hands made Castiel feel at home. “I’m staying,” Castiel said. Dean turned to him, his eyes softening. “And you should know that we’ll try to stop you.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, Cassie,” Gabriel said, snapping his fingers.

With that, Gabriel and Anna both were gone.


	19. Chapter 19

**"Fall on your knees. Oh hear the angel voices. Oh night divine, oh night, that leads to morn."**

[Bastille - _Tuning Out_ ]

* * *

 

“I can’t believe she just left,” Castiel said, blinking at Dean. “Anna left us. Left _me_.”

“That Trickster’s a dick,” Dean said, shrugging a shoulder. “We need to get going, Cas.”

“Go where?” Castiel asked, his voice sounding empty. “I was following Anna. I’ve always followed her. What am I supposed to do now?”

Dean arched an eyebrow. “Seriously? Cas, I’ve seen you defend yourself from demons, including me. I don’t think you need to follow anyone. Lead the way, man. You’re your own boss.”

“But she left,” Castiel said, aware that he was simply repeating himself. The more he said it, the less he believed it. “I thought I could always count on Anna. She was my friend. My family.”

“Well, being family don’t keep people from being assholes,” Dean said. “You should know that by now.”

Castiel slumped his shoulders. He knew he had to do something, but he didn’t know where to start. He needed time to recover from the shock of the last few minutes. “We should get the book,” Castiel suggested, facing Dean slowly, measuring his expressions.

Dean narrowed his eyes, and then he smiled. “Good start. Once we get the book we can go find a fucking witch and try to convince her to help us.” Dean made a face. “I hate witches.”

“I thought a witch doctor helped you when you escaped from Hell,” Castiel said, heading to Anna’s car parked on the street.

“Sammy found her,” Dean said, rubbing the nape of his neck. “Fuck, we have to leave before he gets home. I don’t want to have to deal with him.”

Castiel stopped walking and grabbed Dean’s forearm, stopping him as well. He sighed, staring into Dean’s eyes. “I don’t think it’s such a good idea to leave your brother behind without a warning, or a goodbye. Sam deserves better.” Castiel bit his lip, looking away. “And so do Ellen and Jo.” He looked back to Dean. “Stay here and wait for Sam. I’m going to stop at the Harvelle’s. I made them a promise I intend to keep.”

Dean looked confused. “This isn’t just some elaborate scheme to ditch me, is it?”

“Dean, would you please trust me?”

“Yeah, okay, you go do what you gotta do,” Dean said, folding his arms over his chest. “I’ll ask Sam if he knows of someone who could help us out.”

“See? We already have a plan. We’re not as fucked as we thought.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “C’mere,” he said, pulling Castiel close and kissing him deeply. Castiel held onto Dean’s waist, sighing into his mouth. “One of these days I’m going to take you out on a date,” he promised.

Castiel grinned, pressing his nose against Dean’s cheek. “If the world doesn’t end, I’ll be glad to accept.”

“Then it’s a date,” Dean said, bringing Castiel’s lips to his own for another quick kiss before pulling away.

Castiel tried to ignore the madness that was going on in his stomach. He thought he’d never get used to the way Dean made him feel. _One of the good sides of being human._

Once he retrieved the book with the leather binding, Castiel gave it to Dean for safekeeping. “Good luck, Dean,” Castiel offered, walking backwards toward his car. “I’ll meet you here in a couple of hours.”

“I’ll wait here,” Dean said, throwing him a wink.

Castiel got in his Honda. As he drove, he tried to sort out his thoughts. The first thought in his mind was Dean, which made it hard to focus. Castiel knew he had to get to his grace first, in order to stop Gabriel and Anna. He needed his grace as much as Dean needed it. But he knew the risks of Dean taking in his grace. It could be dissolved, and then Castiel would have no way of stopping the world’s destruction.

A tired laugh bubbled out of Castiel as he stopped at a red light. Giving up his grace had only managed to double his problems. Maybe it was God’s way of getting back at him. Or better yet, of teaching him a lesson. He was known to do that.

For the first time in a long time, Castiel prayed.

***

The porch light was on at the Harvelle’s residence. Ellen and Jo’s vehicles were both parked in the driveway. Castiel rang the doorbell and waited with his hands behind his back.

It was late at night, and Castiel knew it was no time for visits, but he couldn’t just disappear from their lives. Not after what happened last time.

Jo opened the door, dressed in her pajamas. She stared at Castiel, disbelieving at first, but then her face softened and she gave a big smile. “You’re not the person I was expecting,” Jo said, stepping aside to let Castiel inside. “Come on in, Mom and I are watching a movie.”

“I apologize for coming so late,” Castiel said. Jo closed the door and beamed at Castiel, shoving him down the hallway and into the living room, where Ellen was sitting on the couch eating popcorn. “Hello, Ellen.”

“Castiel!” Ellen said, throwing some popcorn into her mouth. “What brings you here? You ready to go back to work tomorrow?”

Castiel frowned. _Crap_. He had a job. Was he just going to throw that out the window? “I really need to talk to you.” He faced Jo, who sat down on the armrest of the couch. “Both of you.”

“Oh, this sounds serious,” Ellen said, picking up the remote and turning off the television. She set her popcorn aside. Jo went ahead and turned on the lights. Castiel hoped he was doing the right thing, despite feeling so damn nervous. “We’re listening.”

Castiel stepped closer, but he still didn’t feel at ease standing up. He sat on the edge of the coffee table, where Ellen was resting her feet, and cleared his throat. “I’m a fallen angel,” he said, his voice steady and more confident than expected. “I know you used to be hunters.”

Jo gaped at him, glancing at Ellen for a response. Ellen raised her eyebrows and clenched her jaw. Jo turned back to Castiel, pursing her lips. Castiel waited for either of them to speak, but it seemed like they wanted him to continue before they got a word out.

“I also know that Dean is a demon,” Castiel said. “We’re in a huge mess right now, and Dean and I will have to hit the road until it’s all solved. I came to say goodbye.”

“Well,” Ellen said, straightening up. “That’s a lot of information.”

“Sure is,” Jo said, swallowing hard. She moved from the armrest back to the couch in one quick movement. “An angel,” she muttered.

“An angel,” Castiel said, nodding his head. They seemed to be taking it well, all things considered. “I know how irresponsible I’ve behaved lately. The day I skipped work, I should have at least called you.” Castiel licked his dry lips, hesitating on whether or not he wanted to say what was on his mind. “It’s good knowing you care so much…about me.”

“Of course we do!” Ellen said, throwing her arms around Castiel’s shoulders and wrapping him into an embrace. He hugged her back, relief washing over him. Now that the truth was out there, Castiel felt lighter. He definitely didn’t feel as guilty. “Don’t you think we’re going to let you go so easily.” She pulled back, holding both of his shoulders. “You gotta let us in on this. Spill.”

Castiel knew that he wouldn’t be allowed to leave without obeying Ellen’s orders, so he relented. He told them everything he knew.

“Jesus,” Jo said. “Anna left?”

“I don’t have much time,” Castiel said. “Gabriel knows what he’s doing, unlike us.”

Lips pressed into a tight line, Ellen rose from the couch, heading upstairs without another word. Castiel glanced at her with a worried frown. She might have been too angry about the part in his story where Castiel left Dean to rot in Hell. Now Castiel had lost her too.

“Where is she going?” Castiel asked Jo.

“She’ll be fine,” Jo assured him, waving a hand dismissively. Clearly she hadn’t noticed how upset Ellen looked. “What are you going to do now?”

Castiel turned to Jo, shaking his head. “Hope for the best.”

“Hope won’t get you far,” Jo said. “You need connections. Too bad we got rid of all of those when we gave up hunting. It’s easier that way.”

“Not all of them,” Ellen said, returning to the living room. She held out a scratch of paper, folded up neatly. She handed it to Castiel, coming to sit back in her place on the couch. “Call that number. Bobby’s a good friend of mine. He’ll lend you a hand. Lives out in South Dakota.”

Castiel opened the paper and read the number. He knew Bobby from Dean’s memories. Bobby had been like a father to the Winchesters. “Why hasn’t Dean ever mentioned him? Or Sam, for that matter.”

“Like I said, we cut ties with everyone,” Jo said. “Even family. When you want out of the business, that’s the only way.”

Castiel nodded, although he still wasn’t fully convinced.

“I want to think that I _will_ come back,” Castiel said quietly. “So, would you save my job for me, Ellen?”

Ellen chuckled. “What makes you think I’ll want an angel working in my diner? Your wings won’t fit through the door.”

Castiel snorted. “Your confidence is assuring.” He pocketed the note in his pants and stood up. “I hate to leave so soon, but Dean and I need to get going.”

“How is he, anyway?” Ellen asked. “I didn’t get to see much of him since…” she trailed off. Castiel understood what she meant. Ellen couldn’t trust Dean as a demon, despite him doing everything possible to maintain his humanity.

“Maybe you should give him a call,” Castiel suggested. “Dean would like that.”

Ellen smiled tightly. “Yeah, maybe I will.”

Jo stood up as well, standing close to Castiel. “I’ll walk you out,” she said.

Glancing one last time at Ellen on the couch, thoughtful in the quiet room, Castiel headed down the hallway and out the door with Jo. He knew then that he would miss these people. In the time he’d lived on Earth, he had grown fond of them. Attached to them. Castiel would try to save this world, not only for humanity, but for _them_. For the people he cared about.

Once outside, Jo shut the door and stood on the porch with Castiel, shifting on her feet. “What’s going on with you and Dean? Last time I saw him, he told me he wanted you dead. And now you’re suddenly best friends?”

“Did he come to see you the night I didn’t show up for work?” Castiel wondered.

“He was a mess,” Jo said. “I met him at a bar a few miles from here. He was devastated, but he didn’t tell me why. He just kept saying he wanted you dead. I would have been worried that he would actually go and kill you if I hadn’t seen him pass out in the backseat of his car. I’ve never seen Dean like that before. It scared me.”

Castiel winced at the image Jo described. He’d never even thought of how Dean might have handled the aftereffects of that fight. Castiel thought he’d taken the worst part. “Dean and I still have a lot to work through. Somehow we found each other, even after I gave up everything I had in a moment of weakness. That has to mean something.”

Jo shrugged. “Just as long as you know what you’re getting yourself into.”

“Why does everyone keep saying that?” Castiel asked. “I’m not just an adult. I once was a wavelength of celestial intent. I’ve existed for eons in this universe. I think I know what’s best for me.”

“I’m not worried about you, Cas. No offense,” Jo said. “I’m just worried that Dean won’t remember any of this if—when—he’s cured. Being a demon, even with the holy water, is like being on a trance. Who’s to say that Dean’s aware of his actions?”

Castiel had never even considered that. All this time he figured Dean was just Dean, his neighbor, the man he didn’t save. But Jo was right. Dean was a demon, and once he stopped being one, who was to say who he would become? Was Dean even aware of what had happened between them? Would he be conscious of all of it once he became human again?

Castiel didn’t need more worries. He had enough weighing on his shoulders as it was. “I appreciate your concerns,” he said. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Dean is important to me,” Jo said, earnestly. “Please, keep him safe. From you, from anyone.”

Castiel tried to smile, but it didn’t last very long. There was nothing he wanted more than Dean’s well-being. “Will do.”

Jo stood in her front porch, digging her hands into the pockets of her pajamas as Castiel climbed in his car. She waved at him before going back inside. Castiel leaned his forehead heavily against the steering wheel. Sure, his Father might have brought Castiel to Dean against all odds, but he didn’t make it easy on them to coexist.

***

When Castiel pulled his Honda into his driveway, Dean was sitting in the front steps of Castiel’s house, waiting for him. His duffle bag lay at his feet. Castiel exited his car and walked over to sit close beside him, their arms brushing. They both gazed out into the night. Castiel contemplated the sounds of crickets coming from his front yard. He could lie to himself and pretend this was just an ordinary night. With Dean. A night of endless possibilities and no responsibilities.

“How’d it go?” Dean finally asked.

“Great,” Castiel said, though his voice was strained. He wasn’t so sure anymore. “Ellen might be calling you.”

“Huh.”

“How’d it go with Sam?” Castiel asked.

“You mean after he freaked out?” Dean said, glancing sideways at Castiel with the hint of a smile. “He actually took it pretty well. Sam gets it now, I think. Good thing is he has a lot of work this week—and he loves his job—so he’s stuck here. But he wants daily updates. You know, I call this progress,” he said.

“Progress,” Castiel repeated. “I like it.”

Dean wrapped an arm around Castiel’s shoulder, pulling him closer. After pressing his lips on his temple, Dean lifted Castiel’s chin and kissed his lips chastely. Castiel kissed him back, pushing back the alerts going off in his mind, telling him that all of this could be just a side effect of Dean being a demon, because the real Dean would never want Castiel the way this version of him did. Castiel cupped Dean’s face with a trembling hand, his fingers ghosting over his skin. Dean nipped his lower lip before pulling back, panting slightly.

Castiel glanced up at Dean, unsure and afraid. Well, he was sure of one thing. He wanted Dean, wanted him close. The world was that much closer to ending, but Castiel wanted to taste Dean’s lips again. So he kissed him. And he wished, and he prayed, that Dean would always know how much Castiel loved him.


	20. Chapter 20

Castiel was struck by a realization the moment his lips broke away from Dean’s. Castiel had acted selfishly the moment he renounced his grace. Where had that led him? His bright idea had backfired on him. And now, what he was doing with Dean, it was for _selfish_ reasons. When it all ultimately came to an end, how would he ever forgive himself?

“I can’t do this,” Castiel whispered, his lingering lips feeling dry. He pushed farther away. “I am so, so sorry.”

“What the hell are you talking about, Cas?” Dean asked, wrinkling his forehead. His expression was caught between amusement and anger.

“You’re a demon,” Castiel said, trying to reason with Dean. He got up from the steps, faced Dean. “Dean, I don’t know if you’re even aware of what’s happening here, with me, with everything.”

“Of course I know! Dammit, Cas, who the hell put these crazy thoughts in your head?” Dean was up now, too, inching closer.

Castiel removed Dean’s hand from his waist as soon as it was placed there, but he did it gently. “I just can’t do this to you, Dean.”

“Cas, you can’t be serious,” Dean said. “I’m not possessed. I’m still me. I know exactly what I’m doing. And I know _exactly_ what we did earlier tonight, and all the times we did those things. There’s no fucking way my mind will be wiped clear when I get rid of this.” His eyes flashed to black, and back to normal. “Believe me, I’ve had enough chances. The big guy up there—your Father—won’t give me a damned break.”

Sighing, Castiel shook his head slowly. His head was pounding. The weight of the world was falling on his shoulders. Gabriel and Anna were on their way to recover her grace. Then they would bring upon the apocalypse. And all Dean and Castiel were doing was arguing about their relationship. If they didn’t act, soon and fast, then there would be no world in which their relationship would exist. They were wasting time, and Castiel needed to make that clear. But Dean wouldn’t shut up.

“But hell, Cas, I’m not going to beg you,” Dean concluded, clenching his teeth.

Castiel pinched the bridge of his nose. “Are you done?”

“Yeah, I’m done,” Dean said. “And so are we.”

“Perfect,” Castiel said, laughing mirthlessly. He nodded over to Dean. “Now that we’ve wasted enough time on this subject, can we get going?”

Dean looked at him like Castiel was possessed, like he was some stranger. “You’re not the person I thought you were.”

“Dean, I’ve had a long day,” Castiel said, hating himself for feeling forced to explain himself to Dean, despite the urging matters of their situation. “You know that. We can discuss our partnership when we’re sure the world is safe.”

“Our _partnership_?” Dean asked. “No. Fuck you, Cas. We’re done.”

“You said that,” Castiel said, waving a hand to hurry things along. “Now get in the car. We must get going.”

Dean didn’t move. He glared at Castiel for a long while. Before Castiel blew up on him with his drained patience, a man appeared behind Dean. Sensing him, Dean turned around and took two steps back, closer to Castiel.

“Crowley,” Dean said, voice strained.

The man wore a black suit with a black shirt and tie underneath. He had a smug look painted on his scruffy face. When he spoke, an English accent flowed out of his lips. “Hello, boys.”

Castiel drew his blade and stood in front of Dean, protectively. “Get the hell away from us, demon.”

Crowley grinned, a cynical gesture that irked Castiel. “I’m here to retrieve what’s mine.”

“Dean, who is he?” Castiel demanded, his hand gripping his blade never wavering.

“My boss,” Dean said, resigned.

“So you _do_ remember me,” Crowley said. “I thought all those years in the Pit next to me had been in vain.”

_Was this man serious?_

“Hey, let me go!”

Castiel looked behind him to find Dean trapped by two larger demons. He froze in place, lunging toward Crowley with his blade, but he was gone. And then so was Dean.

***

Castiel busted through the front door of Dean’s house when there had been no answer. At the kitchen table, Sam sat on a chair with his hands tied behind his back.

“Sam?” Castiel said, rushing up to him and untying his hands. “Did Dean do this?”

Sam nodded, grunting. “I was almost done with the knot,” he said defensively.

“Dean said you took the news well,” Castiel said, frowning. Clearly Dean had been lying through his teeth.

Sam got up and scratched his nose. “Where is Dean?” he asked. “I’m going to beat his ass.”

“Gone,” Castiel said. “Someone named Crowley took him. Does the name ring a bell?”

“Oh shit,” Sam said, running a hand through his hair. “Was he a demon? A demon took my brother?”

“I tried to stop him, but they were gone so fast. Dean said Crowley was his boss.”

“Demon boss?” Sam said. “Dean never talked about his experience in Hell with me. How on earth will we get my brother out of there?”

Castiel shifted on his feet. “Sam, I know this will sound risky, but the only way I could get to Dean and bring him back is with my grace. To get my grace I need a witch, but to get a witch, I need your friend, Bobby. Ellen suggested I reach out to him for this sort of help.”

“Why do you need Bobby?”

“Do you know of any witch willing to help a fallen angel recover his grace?” Castiel asked. “Not to mention that someone named Metatron is also trying to keep me from getting to it.”

“Alright, alright,” Sam said. “So we need Bobby. But you should know something about him.”

“What?”

“He still doesn’t know that Dean ever escaped Hell, or that he became a demon,” Sam said, hanging his head. “Dean wanted to keep him out of the loop. We haven’t talked to him in years. I’ve ignored his phone calls. The old man won’t be too happy to see me.”

“I’m sure he’ll understand the importance of the issue,” Castiel said. “Either way, we should leave immediately.”

Sam didn’t even bother packing a bag. He grabbed Dean’s duffle and placed it in the trunk of the Impala, which he then decided to drive. Castiel rode shotgun, and they were on the road in less than ten minutes. Castiel could work with Sam. He was much more understanding and proactive than his older brother.

They drove with the radio set on a rock station, and Sam and Castiel remained quiet as they listened to the music that reminded them both of Dean. It was so difficult for Castiel to focus on what he knew should be the most important problem: saving the world. But none of that seemed to matter without Dean. Without knowing he was safe and well.

Castiel’s cell phone rang, which startled him. He sat up and shared a glance with Sam before he answered the unknown caller. “Yes?”

“Cas, it’s me.”

“Dean?” Castiel said, widening his eyes. _Was there reception in Hell?_ “Dean, how are you? Did he hurt you? Tell me where you are and I will find you.” Castiel gripped his phone with one hand and the seat with the other. Sam continued driving, throwing glances over at Castiel, who hit the speaker button out of courtesy.

“I’m fine,” Dean said.

_Sure, you’re fine. You just got kidnapped by an overly attached demon, but you’re fine._

“There’s a sweet view from my window,” Dean said. Then he sounded distracted. “Look at those mountains. Are we really in Scotland, man?”

Castiel raised his brow. “You’re in Scotland?”

“Yeah,” Dean said. “Crowley’s keeping me in lockdown. He’s trying to keep me away from the archangel who wants inside me.”

“Dean, I’ll get you out of there as soon as I get my grace back,” Castiel promised.

“And I’m coming with him,” Sam added. “Hey, Dean.”

“Ah, fuck,” Dean said. “Sorry, Sammy. No hard feelings?”

“We’ll talk later,” Sam said. “There _will_ be some ass whooping.”

Dean laughed. “Alright then. Glad you understand.”

“Dean—” Castiel said.

“I have to go,” Dean said. He cleared his throat. “I just thought I’d check in.”

“This Crowley, is he a threat?” Castiel asked before Dean disconnected.

“Does it matter to you?” Dean asked bitterly. “Gotta go. Bye, Sammy.”

Dean hung up.

Castiel felt a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. But this wasn’t the time. It would never be the time, so long as this race against his brother and sister continued.

“Well, at least we know he’s okay,” Sam said, sounding significantly relieved.

“Yes, that’s true,” Castiel said, staring out the windshield at the dark, empty highway.

“Hey, if you don’t mind me asking, what’s going on with you and Dean?” Sam asked, sparing Castiel a brief glance as he continued driving.

“Nothing anymore,” Castiel answered earnestly. At this rate, Castiel didn’t think anything would ever come out of his relationship with Dean. As much as they didn’t mean to, they both hurt each other time and time again.

“Anymore?” Sam said. “You know what, don’t tell me. Dean and I talked about this already.”

“Did you?” Castiel glanced at Sam, shifting in the seat to avoid angling his neck awkwardly. He wanted to ask Sam what they had talked about regarding him, but he waited instead. Sam was kind.

“We talked about how he was doing, in his head, I mean,” Sam said, fixing his eyes on the road. “He told me he felt better than he had in months. He felt more human than ever. He was angry at the time, but he said it was a good feeling. It had nothing to do with Hell and everything to do with you.”

Castiel tried to cut in, but Sam wasn’t finished.

“At first I was against the idea of you two,” Sam continued. “I thought my brother was out of his mind, being a demon and all. But the night he came home, totally wasted, he was grieving. There wasn’t a single trace of the demon he is. Dean was just…Dean. He was my big brother. He was the boy who raised me, who tried to hide his pain from everyone else but me.” Sam snorted. “Funny how you hurting my brother changed my mind about you, Cas.”

Leaning his head against the seat, Castiel shut his eyes. “It seems like all I’m capable of doing is hurting Dean.”

“Do you really care about him?” Sam asked in a quiet, coy voice. Almost like he was afraid of asking.

“Completely,” Castiel said. It was there, in his heart. Or somewhere else inside him. There was so much love for Dean. It had grown over the days spent knowing him, but it was more than that. It was as if Castiel had always known Dean. As if he’d been there since the moment Dean had been born. His mind was dazed. He was still unable to recollect all the memories from his past. But something told Castiel that he had known Dean more than he thought he did.

Far far more.


	21. Chapter 21

They reached Sioux Falls around 6 A.M. the following day. Castiel hadn’t been able to sleep for more than an hour on the drive. Sam hadn’t slept at all. But he wouldn’t allow Castiel to drive. Something about Dean not trusting anyone with his Baby.

The man that opened the door at the house was very distrustful. Bobby, Castiel assumed, threw what appeared to be holy water at them as soon as he saw them. When neither of them cried out in anguish, Bobby handed them two butter knives and ordered them to hold them.

Castiel took one of the knives, and Sam the other. When nothing happened, Bobby retrieved his knives and brought Sam into his arms for a warm hug.

“Thought you were dead,” Bobby grunted, pulling back. He stood straight as he met Castiel’s eyes. The man had a graying beard and a baseball cap.  Narrowing his eyes, he said, “Who the hell are you?”

“My name is Castiel, and I’m a fallen angel of the lord.”

Bobby’s eyes flicked to Sam. “Makes sense. Get inside.”

The inside of the house was cluttered, but not messy. Books were stacked in every corner and filled every shelf. Bobby walked into an office and sat behind a large desk, which was also filled with books. He poured himself some kind of liquor into a glass and took a swig.

“Sorry about the past few years,” Sam said, sitting on the chair opposite Bobby. “I’ll catch you up before I get to the point.”

“A sorry ain’t going to do much good,” Bobby said, refilling his glass, and grabbing another one from under a stack of folders in his desk and filling it up. “Drink with me, son.”

Castiel’s phone started ringing, and he excused himself. He wandered around the house until he reached a bedroom.

“Dean?” Castiel said, knowing no one else would be calling him.

“Put Sam on the phone,” Dean said blankly.

“He’s busy,” Castiel said, keeping his voice leveled. “He’s speaking with Bobby at the moment.”

“Bobby Singer?” Dean said. “What the hell are you two doing there?”

“We’re asking for help,” Castiel said. “How are you? Have you eaten yet?”

“Quit pestering me like you actually care,” Dean said bitterly. “I need to talk to Sam.”

“Dean, I do care,” Castiel said. _I care. And I love you. And I’m sorry._

“Look, Cas, whatever obligation you think you have with me, get rid of it. I’m not your problem. I think I found a way to ditch the angels for good.”

“Please don’t do anything stupid,” Castiel pleaded. “As soon as I get my grace, I’m going to get you back.”

“Don’t bother,” Dean said. “I’m getting out of this myself.”

“Why are you so stubborn, Dean? Stay put. Whatever it is you’re planning, don’t do it. It can’t be good.”

“It’s great to know how little you think of me,” Dean said.

“I have no wish to fight with you any longer,” Castiel said. Even though Castiel knew that Dean would do nothing more than argue with him, he wanted to keep him on the line. Only God knew how Dean was being treated on the other side of the world, and Castiel wanted to make sure that at least he wasn’t being tortured. Then again, he was allowed to make phone calls, so maybe his incarceration wasn’t as damning. “Tell me about Scotland, Dean.”

The line went silent for a long while, long enough that Castiel thought Dean had disconnected. But then he heard Dean’s exhale, followed by his voice. “The mountains are marvelous. Green, wide, and the sky is as blue as your eyes.”

Castiel smiled absently, gazing around the bedroom. Tilting his head to the side when he spotted a framed picture on the dresser, Castiel walked toward it. “What else do you see?”

“A lake,” Dean answered quickly. “It’s a really great view. I wish you—never mind.”

_I wish you were here_ , Castiel thought. Dean could be angry all he wanted, but that didn’t mean he hated Castiel. Not really.

“Hang on to those memories,” Castiel said. “It’ll keep your sanity.”

“Ha! That’s long gone, Cas.”

Castiel picked up the picture. Bobby stood between two boys. One of them he recognized as Sam, but not by his height. As a kid, Sam Winchester was much shorter than Dean. Castiel smiled fondly at him before he focused on this younger version of Dean, smirking at the camera. This image of Dean sent a pang of emotions through Castiel, but he couldn’t understand why.

When looking at Dean’s memories, he saw everything _through_ Dean’s eyes. The only times he saw Dean’s young face was in front of mirrors. But that wasn’t the reason why Castiel found this version of Dean so familiar. There was something else, something _more_ , that Castiel wasn’t remembering.

He sat on the bed, feeling dazed all over again. It was as though an avalanche of memories was threatening to roll down a mountain, when before he’d only been receiving snowball after snowball.

“Cas? You still there?”

“Yes.” Castiel shook his head, setting the picture back on the dresser. “I got distracted.”

“I’ll let you go, then.” There was sadness to Dean’s voice.

“I want to hear your voice,” Castiel said, pressing the phone closer to his ear. “Talk to me.”

“What do you want me to say?” Dean asked, hesitant but willing after all.

Castiel shrugged, his eyes spotting yet another discovery. His name, written in cursive on an envelope. This couldn’t possibly be for him. Bobby had no idea Castiel even existed until he showed up at his house with Sam. Why was there an envelope with his name on Bobby’s dresser?

“Tell me about your dreams,” Castiel said, staring fixedly at the envelope. _Castiel_. It was unmistakably his name, even after he read it ten times. “What are your dreams, Dean?”

“I don’t have dreams. I have nightmares,” Dean deadpanned.

“Not those dreams,” Castiel said, reaching for the envelope. “Tell me about your dreams in life. What will you do once you’ve recovered your humanity? What will you do with the rest of your life?” _The life I hope to be a part of_ , Castiel added silently.

“I think that’s something I’m going to have to rediscover,” Dean said quietly. “Because I’m not sure anymore.”

The envelope was now in his hands. Castiel pressed his cheek against his shoulder to keep the phone in place as he picked up the envelope. Behind it was a small, clear bottle with a blue glow. At first sight, Castiel guessed what it was, but he couldn’t get ahead of himself. This was much too good to be true. He opened the envelope instead, eyeing the bottle with curiosity as he read the letter inside.

“Dean, I think I’ve found something,” Castiel said. “I’m going to read this letter out loud to you.”

“Who wrote you a letter?” Dean wondered.

“ _Castiel_ ,” he began reading. “ _I should start off by apologizing for that scare I gave you. But there was no other way of getting this done. I had to fool you into thinking I had betrayed you. Gabriel and I had kept in contact since the day he took you into that alternate world. He did it to distract you while we talked. Since that day we’ve been planning this escape. I had to get that witchcraft book to stall you while Gabriel got everything ready. We both knew you’d never come with us. We will not free Lucifer. In fact, we are trying to stop this apocalypse from ever happening. But first, I brought you this. It’s your grace, Castiel. Take it now before it’s taken away from you. Meet me and Gabriel when you do. You’ll know how to find us. Anna._ ”

Castiel’s eyes flicked again to the small bottle. He could hear his racing heart in his ears.

“Wow. That girl could make a pretty convincing actress,” Dean said, laughing.

“Dean, listen to me. I will take my grace, and the first thing I’ll do is find you. Do you hear me? Stay where you are.”

Dean didn’t answer. Castiel stood motionless, gripping the phone. And then he heard that unmistakable English accent again. “Not so fast, Castiel. Dean is of my property. Go find your own boy toy.”

And the call ended before Castiel could tell this Crowley to stick it where the sun doesn’t shine.

The moment Castiel recovered his grace, and _power_ once again overtook him, the memories filled his mind. One by one, Castiel saw everything. From the moment he was created, until that very moment. His daze was gone, like the clouds clearing out, letting all the sunlight shine through. Every detail overtook him, but it all happened faster than the blink of an eye.


	22. Chapter 22

_“You enjoy watching humanity, don’t you, Castiel?” The question came from Michael._

_It was often when Castiel walked the Earth, invisible to human eyes. Lately, though, he’d been drawn to one particular human family. He didn’t find anything peculiar in his new fascination, or as some of the other angels teased him—infatuation. They simply couldn’t comprehend Castiel’s interest in sinful human beings. To Castiel, these souls mattered as much as the angels’ graces._

_“I do admit to being intrigued by humans,” Castiel said. “Their lives, their emotions, their thoughts.”_

_Michael smiled charmingly. He hardly ever smiled. “There’s nothing wrong with that.”_

_“No,” Castiel said. “There is not.”_

_***_

_The Winchester family was all gathered in the living room. They were welcoming their new addition to their family. A newborn was in Mary Winchester’s arms, while Dean—the eldest son—peeked over her shoulder, curiously examining his new brother. And John, their father, watched with pride and love as his growing family relished in their health and happiness. There was nothing but positivity in the man’s eyes._

_Castiel stared blankly at the four of them, willing himself to empathize with their emotions. He recognized every one of them, knew how to label them. But he couldn’t really_ feel _them._

_Although, maybe he did feel something._

__Castiel felt longing._ _

 

***

_“I love my shirt,” Dean said to his mother._

_Castiel moved over to look at Dean’s blue t-shirt. The shirt had a cartoonish version of a brown bear and inside it read “I Wuv Hugs.” Castiel tilted his head to the side. Intentionally misspelling a word didn’t seem like a good marketing skill, but apparently it worked for the intended customers._

_Mary, holding Sam in her arms, smiled at Dean. “I know you do. You haven’t taken it off once. I need to wash it, Dean.”_

_Dean wrinkled his nose, and then swung his legs over the chair he sat on. “Don’t wash it, mommy. I want to wear it forever.”_

_“Alright, sweetie,” Mary said. “If the smell gets too bad, we’ll just spray you with perfume.”_

_“Can I play with Sammy?” Dean asked, jumping down from the chair and picking up a bouncy ball in the room. “I want to play catch.”_

_Mary smiled fondly at Dean again, and then glanced at Sam in her arms. “I’m afraid Sam is tired right now, but we can play, and we’ll tell him all about it.”_

_When Dean cheered at the uplifting news, Castiel decided it was time to return home. Everything was well in the universe._

_***_

_“Hang on, Sammy, hang on,” Dean mumbled to himself, grunting as he fled outside, to safety._

_Castiel stood in front of Dean and Sam, watching as the house burned in flames. The boys were dangerously close to the house, and the smoke could as easily harm them from this distance, so Castiel created a clear shield to block out the smoke from the both of them._

_Sam started crying, and Dean’s lip started quivering. Despite everything, Dean wouldn’t cry. And Castiel wanted to know why. Why he was being so brave. How he was capable of such courage. Dean was well aware that his mother and father were both still inside, and that the possibility of ever seeing either of them again was slim, but he did not give up. And his arms never let go of his brother._

_“Don’t cry, Sammy,” Dean said, dancing to try to pacify Sam. “Please don’t cry.”_

_Castiel knelt in front of Dean and Sam. Neither of them could see him, but he knew they sensed him. Immediately, Sam’s crying ceased, and Dean’s heart started beating normally. Castiel watched them closely until John joined them outside. And even then, Castiel did not leave their side. He wouldn’t abandon this family._

_***_

_The kids were alone, yet again. Castiel stood in the middle of the motel room. Dean was in one of the twin beds and Sam on the carpet in front of Dean’s bed. The television was on, but neither of them was watching it._

_Dean was whispering inaudibly to himself. He reached for the notebook in the bedside table, flipping through the pages until he found a clean one. It was his school notebook. “You got a pen?”_

_Sam looked up from his spot, and then he rushed to his backpack and dug up a pen for Dean. “Are you finally going to do your homework?” Sam asked, sitting beside Dean on the bed._

_“No way,” Dean said. “I’m going to write song lyrics.”_

_“You wrote song lyrics?” Sam asked in absolute amazement._

_Dean smirked, propping the notebook on one knee and commencing his cursive writing. “You kidding? That would take work.” Dean scribbled line after line on the page, while Sam watched._

_“Is that Zeppelin?” Sam asked, rolling his eyes. “What’s the point of that?”_

_“Why does everything need to have a point, Sammy?” Dean asked, wagging his pen at Sam. “I’m just trying not to die of boredom.”_

_“You could do your homework,” Sam said pointedly._

_“You could mind your own business,” Dean muttered, smiling sideways._

__That night, after Castiel retreated home, he took a detour. He traveled back in time, to the day when Led Zeppelin’s_ Ramble On _was written.__

 

_***_

_Dean was a senior in high school. Sam was a freshman. They were the new kids, and Castiel understood that that was not a good thing to be. Castiel made sure to be there every moment of their day, for Dean and for Sam._

_But he realized there was no reason for his presence. Dean knew how to fend for himself. He knew how to protect Sam as well. He’d been doing so his entire life._

_At the end of the day, Dean walked beside Sam to their motel room. He kept messing with Sam’s hair._

_“How was your day?” Dean asked._

_“Good. Yours?” Sam asked._

_“I got a new girlfriend,” Dean said smugly._

_“What else is new?” Sam said, smiling at Dean._

_Castiel had been there when Dean braved himself as he asked out a pretty girl during lunchtime. Dean had been so human during the exchange. He’d been nervous. It had been a journey watching Dean masking his nervousness with false cockiness. Over the years, Dean had gotten better at it._

_“Just felt like bragging,” Dean said, walking ahead._

_“Enjoy your new girlfriend,” Sam said. “Dad said we’re leaving this Friday.”_

_“Yeah, yeah, I know the drill,” Dean said, hanging his head. He stopped walking to wait for Sam to catch up to him, and then continued on their path._

_Castiel didn’t follow them the rest of the way._

_***_

_“What do you know about Dean Winchester?” Anna asked him._

_Castiel was visiting an old woman’s heaven. It was one of his favorite heavens. It was a beautiful meadow filled with blooming sunflowers, and a small cottage. Her name was Rosie. Castiel enjoyed her taste in music as well. She listened to the softest music, and it was like a whisper in his ear._

_“You know about Dean Winchester?” Castiel asked, crossed between curious and wary that Anna had come here just to ask him about a human._

_“Sure,” Anna said. “I just heard Michael saying his name, and yours. But I didn’t get everything. I thought you would know why.”_

_“Michael is aware of my attachment to the Winchesters,” Castiel said easily. “But I couldn’t say why he linked Dean and I together.”_

_Anna shrugged. “I’m sure we’ll find out sooner or later. So, what do you know about him?”_

_“I know Dean,” Castiel said. “I admire many things about Dean.”_

_“Really? What is he like?” Anna wondered._

_Castiel gazed out into the sunflowers field. “Dean is an exceptional man. He is loyal and he is passionate. His capacity for love is indescribable. I have learned much from him. Dean…he makes me want to live.”_

_“You live, Castiel.”_

_“No, I simply exist,” Castiel said sadly. “We’re both simply soldiers, bound to our duty in heaven, serving our absent Father. We know nothing of life. Real, human life.”_

_“Human life is filled with pain, Castiel,” Anna said. “Why would you want that?”_

_“Why should I be exempted from pain, but not Dean?” Castiel said. That was a question that had been bothering him. But he’d found no answer._

_“Would you trade places with Dean?”_

_Castiel pondered that. “No. I would much rather live alongside him.”_

_Anna fell silent. Castiel had never said that thought aloud. But he’d always felt that way. He’d expected Anna to scold him for saying that, but she didn’t. She seemed thoughtful._

_Maybe she wanted the same thing._

_***_

_Sam was dead. Sam had been stabbed and Sam had died. Dean held him in his arms, just as he had when he was four._

_Castiel had failed Dean, had failed Sam. Had failed the Winchesters._

_He couldn’t stand watching Dean in complete emotional agony. Castiel couldn’t continue his existence this way. Watching from afar as Dean’s life crumbled into ashes, again, and again._

_Making his decision, Castiel wrapped his wings around Dean and Sam’s lifeless body for a short moment. And then he went to see Metatron._

__Castiel had no use for his grace. He needed to be there for Dean. Flesh and bones._ _


	23. Chapter 23

Bobby and Sam both looked up at the sound of Castiel’s wings as he teleported into the room.

“Cas?” Sam said, eyes widening. He bolted out of his chair. “You’re an angel.”

“I don’t have long,” Castiel said. “I must go find Dean. Please understand you can’t come with me, Sam. If something were to happen to you, I wouldn’t forgive myself.”

Bobby heaved a sigh. “Guess you won’t be needing that witch anymore.”

Castiel glanced from Sam to Bobby, and then he was gone.

***

Dean was still in Scotland. Castiel could feel him. Tracking a human had never been hard work. Tracking a demon was even easier. And tracking someone he loved was like letting himself be pulled by gravity.

The house was in the middle of nowhere. The lake and the mountains were just as Castiel had imagined. When he tried teleporting inside, Castiel was blocked out. There were wards to keep him out. Rushing forth once again, Castiel looked inside one of the tall windows, and that’s when he saw him.

Dean was furious. He was shouting at Crowley, who stood behind two large, threatening demons. Dean didn’t look afraid, for someone who was trapped by his demon boss, who Castiel now recognized as the King of Hell. Castiel ran his eyes quickly over Dean, inspecting him as much as he could for injuries. He had none, visible at least. Dean was still in one piece, wearing the same clothes he’d last seen him in. His green eyes flashed with complete rage.

The thing Castiel admired most about Dean was his persistence. Castiel smiled to himself, remembering everything all over again. All this time, Castiel had been so blind. The memories forgotten had come back shooting into his brain. If he had not been overflowing with power, Castiel would topple over.

He should have known. Castiel should have known that Dean had always been a part of him. He should have _remembered_. Dean was not the reason why Castiel had given up his grace, Dean had been his inspiration. And it had been a small price, considering the time spent beside him.

Castiel didn’t flinch when the front door flew open, and Dean stepped out like nothing. Dean, on the other hand, seemed a little baffled at seeing Castiel right in front of him.

“Dean!” Crowley yelled from inside. “Dean, get your bloody ass back in here!”

Dean laughed as he ran up to Castiel, knowing that with a simple touch, they would both get away.

***

The sound of his wings was still something Castiel was getting used to. He’d missed them. But he knew he wouldn’t get to keep them for long. This wasn’t his grace anymore. It belonged to Dean.

Bobby’s living room was empty. Castiel could sense Sam and Bobby nearby, but his mind was preoccupied with Dean.

“I didn’t think you’d get there that fast,” Dean said, pacing around the room. “Where’s my brother?”

“He’s close,” Castiel said, tilting his head to the side. And then, almost instinctively, Castiel brushed a hand over Dean’s cheek. “Dean, you need my grace.”

Dean’s eyes flashed black at the touch. “This is odd. There’s gotta be some rule stating that an angel and a demon—no good.”

Castiel smiled. “It feels excellent.”

Dean smirked. And when his eyes went back to green, he went serious. “Don’t get all mushy with me. We’re through, remember?”

“I don’t think we can be through when we haven’t even started,” Castiel stated logically.

“That’s a nice way of saving your ass,” Dean said, folding his arms. “Cheater.”

“Now, my grace,” Castiel said, dropping his hand. “You must accept it.”

Dean narrowed his eyes, lowering his arms. “I don’t need some selfless act from you, Cas. Keep your grace. I’ve made it all this time as a demon. What’s another eternity?”

“You’re taking my grace, whether you like it or not,” Castiel said, and there was resolve to his voice. How could Dean still find excuses?

The approaching footsteps and voices silenced both of them, and Dean turned around to greet the two men stepping through the doorway. Bobby removed his cap when he first saw Dean, and then Dean stepped forward, and Bobby pulled him in his arms.

“Dean,” Bobby muttered, gripping onto him with deep affection.

“Missed you, Bobby,” Dean mumbled, pulling back. “Your age is showing, old man.”

Bobby swatted Dean upside the head, and Dean laughed good-naturedly. Sam grinned at the both of them, and then he glanced at Castiel.

“Thank you for bringing my brother home,” Sam said.

_Home?_ Was this Dean’s home now?  Of course it was. These was Dean’s family now. Castiel had no part in it. He was the outsider. Castiel nodded silently, trying not to let his sudden worry distract him.

“Your new buddy isn’t a big talker, is he?” Bobby asked Dean.

“He’s better with actions than with words,” Dean said.

Castiel was still marveling at his regained strength, and the many details involving Dean in his life. Then, when he remembered his pending visit to Anna and Gabriel, he shifted in place, feeling too human again.

“What is it?” Dean asked, approaching him cautiously, almost as if sensing that Castiel was thinking of fleeing at any second.

“Anna and Gabriel are waiting for me,” Castiel said. “They need me.”

Dean shook his head. “I know what you’re thinking, but hear me out, man.” Dean turned and pointed to Sam and Bobby. “You see those two? They’re some of the best hunters in the world.” Facing Castiel again with a smile, he added, “And I’m a demon who just walked out on the King of Hell and lived to talk about it. So maybe Crowley has a sweet spot for me, but that’s not the point. Thing is, we’re not letting you off so easy, Cas. We’re willing to fight.”

“You didn’t want Sam involved,” Castiel said, knowing that once Dean got an idea into his head, it would be impossible to remove.

“Sam, you in or out?” Dean asked over his shoulder.

Sam scoffed. “Of course I’m in. There’s no way I’m cowering away in some corner. I can go back to fighting for justice when the world is safe.”

“I could use the exercise,” Bobby said.

Dean smiled wide enough that his eyes crinkled. The pride was obvious in his face. “No running away from us. We’re on your team.”

Castiel exhaled a deep breath. He was touched to see that the Winchesters—the family he had loved all their lives—were now so eager to back him up against the unknown.

“Very well,” Castiel said, his voice leveled, despite the emotions overflowing through his system. Even with his grace back, Castiel had kept his soul. And his once dormant emotions had been awakened, never to close off again.


	24. Chapter 24

**"I thought maybe I could be some kind of shelter, but oh, your storm how it raged."**

[Ryan Adams - _Touch, Feel & Lose_]

* * *

 

The warehouse had dim lighting. It was spacious and mostly empty aside from the boxes scattered around. As Castiel strode the floor, he heard the loud sound of his footsteps echoing in the building. Castiel stopped on his tracks and waited.

With the sound of wings, Gabriel and Anna appeared in front of him. Castiel grinned, relishing in the fact that he and Anna were both whole again.

“Castiel,” Anna said, sharing the smile. “Did you rescue the damsel in distress?”

“Didn’t have to,” Castiel said. “I just gave him a lift.”

“Did you remember everything?” Anna asked knowingly.

The memories came flooding back to him, but they weren’t overwhelming. They just existed in his mind, as clear and vivid as they had always been. Yes, he remembered it all.

“I hate to interrupt your little reunion, but we have business to take care of,” Gabriel said.

“Does Lucifer remain locked in Hell?” Castiel wondered.

“As far as we know,” Anna replied.

“Then we have time,” Castiel said with a nod of his head.

Gabriel shook his head, smirking at Castiel like he had some secret knowledge he was about to share with the class. “Cassie, do you have any idea how many demons, angels, and greedy people are working on freeing our dear big brother?”

“Thankfully, we have a plan of action,” Anna said, waving dismissively at Gabriel’s words. There was a reason why Anna was Castiel’s favorite.

They sat at a table in the warehouse and pulled up three chairs. Despite recovering his grace, Castiel was used to human actions. And he knew Anna felt the same by the bright look on her face as she sat down. Gabriel simply humored them.

“We’ve arranged an appointment with Lucifer,” Anna explained.

“Of course the only reason he accepted was because Michael is coming with us,” Gabriel said.

Castiel raised his eyebrows. “That’s highly productive, all things considered. When exactly is this meeting happening?”

“Two days from now,” Gabriel said. “Michael thinks he can successfully make a deal with the devil and shove the issue under a rug. Mostly we’ll be there for the show.”

“He wants to bargain with Lucifer?” Castiel asked.

Anna shifted uncomfortably. Another human action. “We don’t know what Michael has in mind, but we’re hoping it’ll put an end to all of this. Michael is our only hope. The fact that he’s holding off on the apocalypse is a good sign.”

“About that,” Gabriel said, raising a finger. “Anna, I think we should tell our Cassie about our other problem.”

Anna frowned. “Even if Lucifer remains stuck in the cage in Hell, Michael has direct orders to destroy some of the larger cities in the world.”

“Orders from whom? Our Father hasn’t spoken to us since creation,” Castiel said. He didn’t want to get ahead of himself, but Castiel couldn’t accept what Anna was saying. Who was this God who wanted humanity dead?

“Michael isn’t exactly talkative with either of us,” Gabriel said. “If anything, he talked to you the most, Cassie.”

“That was before,” Castiel said. “So, with or without Lucifer, Michael will bring on the apocalypse?”

“He’s gathering angels,” Anna said. “Armies are ready to strike. We’re walking on eggshells around him. We’re just hoping the meeting with Lucifer will bring a good outcome.”

“In other words, we’re betting on the devil,” Gabriel said with a sigh.

“What are we expected to do in the meantime?” Castiel asked, feeling restless all of a sudden.

“There’s nothing we can do but wait,” Anna said.

Castiel shook his head, tapping his left leg rapidly. “Okay. I will be with the Winchesters if either of you need me. In two days we will meet back here.”

Anna grinned. “I knew where you would be. I agree with your decision, Castiel. Stick with the Winchesters. It’s where you want to be.”

“Thank you, Anna,” Castiel said, getting up.

“See you later, Cassie,” Gabriel said.

The next second, they were gone.

Castiel stared at the empty chairs on the other side of the table. “You came come out now,” he said loudly.

Three sets of footsteps echoed in the room, moving toward him. Castiel felt a hand on his shoulder, and he knew who it belonged to without even having to turn back.

“Let’s go home,” Dean said softly, giving his shoulder a comforting squeeze.

Castiel turned around. Sam and Bobby looked at him expectantly. “I don’t know what to do. I’m sorry.”

“I know, Cas, and it’s okay,” Dean said, wrapping an arm around Castiel’s shoulders. “Come home with us.”

“Of course,” Castiel said, looking into Dean’s kind eyes. He was no longer that little boy Castiel watched over. He was a man, a demon. Castiel did not want to look away. “Of course I will.”

***

From the living room, Castiel heard Sam and Bobby arguing over their current game of poker. After they’d gotten back, Castiel felt too antsy to rest. He had accepted the fact that he could do nothing but wait. But Dean quickly insisted that they got to baking, like old times.

Castiel was rummaging through Bobby’s kitchen in search of any usable ingredients for a pie or a cake, but the most he found in his fridge was a six pack of beer, an expired milk carton, and two eggs.

Dean jingled a set of keys behind him. Castiel glanced at him questioningly. “What, did you really think Bobby stocked up his fridge with fruits and vegetables? Come on, let’s go to the grocery store. I’m driving.”

“I just got my wings back and you want to strap me down in a car?” Castiel asked, narrowing his eyes.

Dean reached for Castiel’s forearm and gave it a tug. “You’re coming with me. I don’t care how bad and powerful you are.”

Castiel smiled. “Well, if you insist.”

“I do, come on.” Dean dragged him to the Impala. Once they were both settled inside, Dean started the car and put on a tape that played Zeppelin’s _Heartbreaker_. The leather smell of the Impala and the classic rock was the very essence of Dean. Castiel leaned back on the seat and grinned as Dean thrummed his fingers on the steering wheel and sang along to the song.

“I missed you, Dean,” Castiel said, mostly to himself. At first he thought Dean had not heard him, but then Dean lowered the volume on the stereo and looked at him.

“I was gone for a day,” Dean said.

“I know, but I missed you for more than a day,” Castiel said, thinking back on his memories. He could tell Dean about everything he had come to know since he recovered his grace, but he didn’t think it would change anything.

“Well, I’m here,” Dean said.

Castiel faced Dean, smiling. “Look, Dean, I’m sorry for what I said before—”

“I don’t need an apology, Cas,” Dean said seriously. “I know you got a lot of weight on your shoulders. The last thing you need is relationship issues.”

“I need you,” Castiel said solemnly.

Dean stared back at the road. He turned up the volume again without another word.

***

“Let’s save us the time and buy this pie,” Castiel suggested, picking up a store brand apple pie. “It looks good.”

Dean snatched it from his hands and put it back on the shelf. His green eyes were glaring at Castiel and his lips were pressed into a tight line. “Really? The world as we know it might come to an end and you want to eat stale pie?”

“The world as we know it might come to an end and you want to spend it baking?” Castiel retorted, tilting his head.

“Look, don’t argue with me. You’re making me pies.” Dean pushed the full cart down the aisle, walking rigidly.

Castiel strode behind Dean, trying not to stare too much at his ass.

Dean added a few bottles of red wine to the cart and Castiel stared at him. “What?”

“Nothing. I forgot you started drinking wine,” Castiel said. It seemed like a distant memory the night Castiel spilled that glass of wine on himself to keep Meg from taking Dean with her. He also knew that back in the day, Dean’s father would have disapproved of his son drinking wine. It was all hard liquor for the Winchesters.

“You make it sound like you’ve known me all my life, dude.” Dean shook his head and continued down to the dairy section, where he filled the cart with cheese and yogurt.

_You have no idea._ “I can imagine that you’re much different from the man you used to be before…” Castiel trailed off, biting his tongue.

Dean nodded, waving a hand impatiently for Castiel to continue. “Before I went to Hell and became a demon? Yeah, I know. This whole demon thing brought out a lot of myself I’d been holding back.”

Castiel knew now just how different Dean had been as a human, before so much was damaged inside of him. Despite everything, Dean remained a good person. He still fought for the right things. If that didn’t say enough about his character, then Castiel didn’t know what would.

“I don’t think I’m a lot like I used to be either,” Castiel said, walking beside Dean through the cereal aisle. He picked out a chocolate cereal without reading the name and threw it in the cart. “Losing part of my memories allowed me to change into the person I am today.”

“Hey, about that. I was meaning to ask, did you finally recover your memories?” Dean asked, stepping closer.

“I did,” Castiel said, glancing at Dean’s lips unintentionally.

“Hmm. Anything interesting I should know about?” Dean asked, wagging his eyebrows playfully.

_Only that I love you_.

“I’ve had an incredibly long existence,” Castiel said instead. “There’s a lot I could share, but it would probably put you to sleep.”

Dean snorted. “Yeah, right. Try me.”

Castiel rubbed his forehead, fishing his brain for innocent information he could share with Dean. “I attended the beheading of Britain’s royals.” Castiel furrowed his brow and frowned. “In hindsight, that is so grim.”

Dean laughed. “Not so shocking, though, _Cassie_.”

“I can smite you with a touch, Winchester,” Castiel said warningly.

“It wouldn’t be the same without the threats, darling,” Dean said with a wink. He slapped Castiel’s cheek affectionately before walking away with the cart.

Castiel took a deep breath before marching behind, resisting the urge to take Dean in his arms and kiss away the stupid smirk on his face.


	25. Chapter 25

**"I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images, and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned. And I have to speculate, that God himself did make us into corresponding shapes like puzzle pieces from the clay."**

[Iron & WIne - Such Great Heights]

* * *

 

They sweet smell of apple pie filled the kitchen. Castiel stood beside Dean at the sink, doing the dishes side by side as they waited for the pies to be ready. Castiel found the voices coming from the living room comforting. Sam and Bobby were catching up with old and new stories. Meanwhile, Castiel kept catching Dean’s eyes, wondering why he wasn’t there with them. Washing dishes was a one-person job, after all.

Dean had an absent smile as he scrubbed a plate and handed it to Castiel to rinse and dry. His mind seemed far away, it was clear in his cloudy eyes.

Castiel elbowed him softly on his side. “A penny for your thoughts, Dean.”

“I was just thinking about the day my dad gave me my car,” Dean said, a bit sheepishly. He pushed some of his hair back with his arm. “I’ve had a lot of memories inside it.”

“Good ones, I hope,” Castiel said, taking the last of the dishes to clean, and then letting the water go down the drain.

“You could say that, yeah,” Dean said, turning around and leaning against the sink, drying his hands with a clean towel. Dean threw him a knowing smile, and Castiel didn’t have to ask further. “I’ve been thinking.”

“You do that a lot,” Castiel said, drying his own hands. He glanced at Dean, wanting to tell him so many things, while simultaneously wanting to say nothing at all but relish his presence.

“Don’t get smart with me,” Dean said, raising his eyebrows. “I’ve been thinking about this whole situation.”

“Are you ready to accept my grace?” Castiel asked. They hadn’t discussed it much, but Sam and Bobby had both looked eager for Dean to finally accept Castiel’s grace in order to stop being a demon. “Because it’s yours. I’m just keeping it safe for you.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Not this again. Look, man, let’s be realistic for one moment. When this apocalypse shit goes down--and it will--we’re going to need an angel on our side. So what if I’m still a demon? I can drink that holy water and be okay. I know I used to want my humanity before, but now I don’t think I care as much.”

“Sam and Bobby won’t be happy about this,” Castiel said, shaking his head. Although Dean  had a point, Castiel knew that it was best to have Dean back to normal, to fix what he’d broken.

“I don’t need you to fix me,” Dean said, as if reading Castiel’s mind. He held up a hand to silence him. “Before I lose my good mood, let me finish my first train of thought, alright?”

Castiel waited.

“I was thinking that we only have a couple days left before this all goes to shit,” Dean said, rolling up his shirtsleeves. “I don’t mean to sound like a Negative Nancy, but if we’re going to die, we should make our time left here worthwhile.”

“We’re not going to die, Dean,” Castiel said sternly. “Not if I can help it.”

“Let’s say we do,” Dean said, somberly. “I’m in a house with people I care about. Family. You. I know we’re missing a few, but we gotta work with what we have.”

“What are you getting at?”

“I want to live,” Dean said quietly, yet earnestly. “I want to try and have a good last few days on earth. I don’t want to resent you, and I don’t want you to resent me for all that’s happened before. Bobby isn’t trying to kill me, and that’s great! Sam is still my pain-in-the-ass baby brother, and he’s still looking out for me. I mean, do you know how lucky I am? I want to enjoy this bit of life I have, and I want it to be good.”

There was confidence and vulnerability in Dean’s face. Castiel knew exactly what Dean was asking for. He wanted peace before the storm. He wanted to make the best of the time they were sure they had. How could Castiel deny him that? How could anyone?

“I do not resent you, Dean.” Castiel placed a hand on Dean’s shoulder, and let his hand slide down his arm, until he gripped his wrist. “I’ll be here. I’ll make sure nothing disturbs this house in the next two days.”

“Thanks,” Dean said, looking relieved.

Sam cleared his throat, standing in the doorway. “Am I interrupting something?”

“You kinda always are, Sammy,” Dean said, jerking back his hand from Castiel’s grip and folding his arms.

Sam snorted. “It’s not my fault if you two are too slow to get a room.” He grabbed a water bottle from the fridge. “Something smells good.”

“Apple pie,” Dean said. “Do we know where we’re gonna crash tonight?”

“Guest bedrooms,” Sam said. “There’s only the two of them, so one of you’s gonna have to take the couch.” Taking a sip of the water, Sam tried not to laugh.

“I’ll take the couch,” Castiel said easily. “I don’t think I’ll be sleeping at all anyway.”

Dean shot him a frown. “Mind checking on the pie, Cas? I gotta go talk to Bobby.” Castiel nodded, and Dean left the room.

“What’s his deal?” Sam asked.

“He has a lot on his mind,” Castiel said. “I think we all do.” Castiel attempted a smile. “Would you like a drink?”

“You want to drink with me?” Sam wondered, setting down his water on the counter.

“I like your company.” Castiel grabbed two glasses and the bottle of rum he’d found underneath the sink. “While Dean and I stored the groceries, we found Bobby’s liquor stash.” Castiel filled both glasses and handed one to Sam.

Sam laughed, taking a sip. “Strong.”

Castiel was barely fazed by the liquor traveling down his throat. “It’s good.”

“So, hey, did you and Dean at least come close to an agreement?” Sam asked. “About your grace.”

“Unfortunately, no, not yet,” Castiel said, taking a long swig of his drink until the glass was empty. He refilled his glass without losing a beat. “I can assure you I don’t have a drinking problem, Sam.”

“I don’t blame you for drinking,” Sam said, staring down at the glass in his hands without taking another sip from it. “Do you think we have a shot at survival after Michael has his fun destroying the world?”

Castiel took another sip. “We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”

“Dean trusts you,” Sam said.

“Does he?” Castiel asked, pausing with his drink halfway to his lips.

“He’s willing to back you up against anything,” Sam said. “I don’t know if you realize how unusual that blind faith is for my brother.”

It was true. Castiel knew with certainty that Dean would be there at his side through anything. He wouldn’t back down, even at the sight of Lucifer and Michael. Dean trusted Castiel, had faith in him. That was…quite overwhelming.

“I think the pie is done.” Castiel downed the rest of his drink before taking out the pie from the oven. When he turned around, Sam was gone, but his nearly full drink was left on the counter. Castiel set the pie on a cooling rack and finished Sam’s drink. He was starting to feel the effects of the rum in his system. Just barely.

***

Sam and Dean sat on the floor in front of the couch. Bobby was slouched in a recliner. And Castiel was sprawled on the couch with the bottle of rum in his hand, pressed against his chest. There were moments of comfortable silence between their conversations.

“You boys remember Sam’s fourteenth birthday?” Bobby asked, eyes half shut. “John’s birthday gift was letting him skip out on a case.”

“Oh, boy,” Sam said, shaking his head.

“I took you to the playground and bought you an ice cream cake, remember?” Dean asked Sam, throwing his head back on the couch. He chuckled.

“I called Bobby, since we were in South Dakota that day,” Dean said. “We ate ice cream cake on the swings.”

“It was so embarrassing,” Sam said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “All the kids at the playground asked for a piece of cake and we didn’t have any plates so we just kinda picked at it.”

“It was a damn peaceful day, though,” Bobby said, snickering. “Still makes me laugh from time to time.” He got up from the recliner with a grunt. “Well, I’m gonna get some shut-eye. The two guest rooms are all ready for you boys.” He hesitated, glancing back to Castiel. “Look in the hall closet for blankets and pillows, boy. In case you get cold.”

“Thank you, sir,” Castiel said, leaning up on his elbows on the couch. “I won’t steal any more of your bottles.”

Bobby grunted. “See y’all tomorrow.”

“Good night, Bobby,” Sam said.

“Don’t let the bed bugs bite,” Dean said in a sing-song voice.

Bobby was chuckling all the way to his room.

The next second, Sam was up on his feet. He stretched out his limbs. “I’m going to turn in, too.”

“Alright,” Dean said. “We’ll get you some ice cream cake tomorrow.”

“Ha. Ha.” Sam flipped Dean off before leaving.

Castiel put down his bottle of rum and rolled to his side on the couch. Dean turned around to face him at the sound of his movement. There was a question in his eyes, and Castiel had only one answer for him.

“You know you don’t have to sleep out here, don’t you?” Dean asked softly. His voice was like a caress.

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” Castiel said. The thought of sleeping in Dean’s room sent a tingle of excitement through him, but he had to get used to the idea that things were different now between them.

“You won’t,” Dean said, getting up. He tilted his head to the hallway. “The bed’s big enough.”

“Okay,” Castiel said, following Dean into the guest room left to him.

They both sat on the bed, each removing their own shoes in silence. The only light in the room was of the bedside reading lamp. Castiel removed his sweater and pants, staying only in his boxers and socks.

Dean took off his pants but kept his undershirt on, only removing his flannel. He got in bed, under the covers. “Michael is Napoleon,” Dean murmured.

Castiel paused before getting into bed. “What?”

“In _Animal Farm_ ,” Dean said. “That book you gave me. The pig, Napoleon, he manipulated the farm animals. Everyone thought he was the best leader. They couldn’t see his true intentions.”

“Dean—”

“They trusted him,” Dean said, staring at Castiel. “Just like you and all the angels trust him. Michael is days away from destroying our world, but no one is strong enough to step up to him. In the end, Napoleon wins.”

Castiel crawled into bed, sitting up close beside Dean. He stared at the blank wall ahead of him. “In a way, I guess you’re right. Even if I wanted to, my hands are tied at this moment. After all I’ve done, I doubt Michael will speak to me.”

“It’s so clear, though,” Dean said. “You know your enemy. Why is it so hard to strike?”

“What, you want us to bring a revolution?” Castiel asked jokingly.

“That’s not such a bad idea,” Dean said.

Castiel faced him, noting how close their faces were from each other. He glanced into his eyes. He was serious. “There’s nothing any of us can do.”

“Like I said, Napoleon always wins.” Dean smiled sadly.

“Sleep,” Castiel said, though his words were gentle.

Dean lied down and so did Castiel. He reached up to turn off the lamp light. Moments later, Dean’s breathing became even and rhythmic, and Castiel thought he’d gone to sleep.

The ceiling was all Castiel could look at. Having Dean at his side was a distraction from his thoughts, but he couldn’t make himself sleep, not like he used to. As a human, he needed to sleep. Now, it felt more like a vacation from his problems. He couldn’t take one of those. Maybe that was how Dean felt when he first met him. Although, that hadn’t been the first time they met, it was still all Dean would ever know about their first meeting.

“Go to sleep, Cas,” Dean mumbled, shifting to his side.

Castiel rolled his head, and then shifted to his side as well, so that their bodies faced each other. After a moment’s hesitation, he draped an arm over Dean’s waist. When Dean didn’t argue about it, he pulled him closer.

“Hey,” Dean breathed into Castiel’s mouth.

“I want to kiss you,” Castiel said.

Dean broke the short distance and pressed his lips against Castiel’s, kissing him chastely in the dark. Castiel moved his hand under Dean’s shirt, trailing it up his naked back, kissing him slowly. Dean sighed into his mouth, gripping Castiel’s arm as he pressed his hardening bulge against his. A moan escaped Castiel as he felt the pressure in his groin and his fingernails dug into Dean’s back.

“Shh,” Dean whispered, chuckling quietly.

“Do you think they can hear us?” Castiel wondered.

“These walls are paper thin,” Dean said with a small nod. He kissed him again, rolling Castiel to his back and landing his weight on top of him. Dean’s fingers weaved in Castiel’s hair, while Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean’s back, trailing his sides. The kiss went on, and it was sweet and unhurried, but passionate enough that Castiel’s toes curled under the blanket.

“Dean, I…” Castiel trailed off, gazing into Dean’s face in the dark. The moonlight coming in from the window was scarce, but he knew every freckle in Dean’s face by memory. For years.

“I know,” Dean said, nodding his head once before kissing down Castiel’s jaw.

“You sure about this?” Castiel asked. He had not forgotten the reason they fought last time.

“We’re not discussing this,” Dean whispered, words muffled by his kisses. “So shut up.”

Castiel laughed, trying to keep it quiet. He had to purse his lips, though, when Dean bit at his neck, and then sucked at the sensitive skin.

“When they ask about my hickey in the morning, what am I supposed to say?” Castiel whispered, catching Dean’s lips again.

Dean pulled back. “You’re a big boy, you’ll own up to it.”

Castiel cupped Dean’s face in his hands, kissing his lips a few more times. “That’s my Dean.”

Dean covered his mouth to muffle his laughter. He rolled back to his side of the bed, landing on his back. “Alright, then, my Cas.”

Castiel frowned, until Dean kissed him one last time and snuggled close to him, draping an arm over Castiel’s chest and placed his face against his shoulder. Castiel pressed his lips to Dean’s head. “Sweet dreams, Dean.”

“Mmm,” Dean said, lulling himself to sleep.

Castiel thought maybe he could use a vacation.


	26. Chapter 26

**"Seems three years, though maybe four, someone drops dead whom I adore. You love someone, there will be grief. The kiss of death. Lips of a thief. Goddammit."**

[Type O Negative - _Everyone I love Is Dead_ ]

* * *

 

 

Two sets of eyes watched Castiel closely from across the table. Castiel pretended not to notice, concentrating instead on his breakfast. This was the most food he’d ever eaten for one meal, but he supposed that the Winchesters really liked preparing for end times.

Castiel tried not to be reminded of Jesus’ famous Last Supper because this was far from that situation. This was a family having an enjoyable meal together, and not for the last time.

“Okay, let’s talk about the elephant in the room,” Sam said, clearing his throat. “Are you and Dean together?”

“Of course we are,” Castiel said, at the same time that Dean blurted out, “That’s none of your business.”

Bobby rolled his eyes. “Idjits.”

“I knew it,” Sam said, grinning smugly.

“I would also like to clarify something about our relationship,” Castiel said, setting down his fork and taking a sip of orange juice to clear his dry throat. He looked from Sam, to Bobby, to Dean. “I want all of you to know that despite my complicated past with Dean, I would like to keep this as simple as possible. It doesn’t have to be complex in the slightest. Love never is complicated. People are.”

Dean widened his eyes at that specific word, but he pursed his lips without comment.

“It’s been a long time coming,” Castiel continued, his sudden burst of confidence not faltering. “I’m in love with Dean. I love you, Dean,” he told him, unwaveringly. “It might be sudden to you, but it’s not to me. And maybe I should have waited for a more private moment, but we might not have that luxury anymore. I love you, and I will do anything in my power to save this world so that we can have a future together. If you want that, of course.”

Dean nodded, opening his mouth to speak, but not a sound came out.

“Wow,” Bobby said. “This is better than daytime television.”

Sam snorted. “Unfortunately we don’t have a remote control to tune it down.”

“Was that too much?” Castiel asked self-consciously. After all, Dean still hadn’t said anything.

“Cas, can we go somewhere?” Dean asked, getting out of his seat. He pulled out his keys. Dean made a beeline to the front door and disappeared quickly out of sight.

Castiel stared at the puzzled looks in both Sam and Bobby. “Should I be concerned? This can’t be good.”

“There’s only one way to find out, man,” Sam said, shrugging. “Good thing you have your grace back.”

“Fuck,” Castiel muttered, frowning at Bobby as the old man threw his head back in laughter. He was laughing at him, as if Castiel didn’t have enough on his plate already.

Outside, Castiel found Dean in the Impala, his hands gripping the steering wheel. Without thinking twice on it, Castiel climbed into the passenger seat and buckled up.

“Just say it,” Castiel said, staring out the windshield. “Tell me how badly I fucked up this time.”

“Why would I do that?” Dean asked, genuinely confused.

Castiel gaped at him. “I don’t understand.”

“Seems like you never do,” Dean said, half amused. He started the Impala and drove fast.

“Where are we going?” Castiel asked casually, gazing out the window.

“Anywhere,” Dean said. “I just need to be alone with you.”

“To murder me viciously?” Castiel joked.

“If I was human, I probably would have given you shit for what you just did back there,” Dean said, thoughtful. “But I’m not the person I used to be anymore. I’m a demon now. And you know what, Cas? I’m practically fearless. I don’t know how much longer we’ll have before complete chaos takes over. So, fuck it. I love you, Cas. A lot. No, really, it should be terrifying to you and to me how much I love you, but it’s not.” Dean laughed freely. “Ah, I _love_ this feeling.”

Castiel laughed with him, his chest swollen and tight. His entire body was warming up like an oven. “How about we go on a date now?”

“Well, if we count the fact that we ate breakfast together, I guess this is the end of our date,” Dean said.

Castiel frowned. “That doesn’t seem fair.”

Dean smiled knowingly. He pulled into an empty parking lot, cutting off the engine. When he looked back to Castiel, there was fire in his eyes. “Check the glove compartment.”

Castiel did, and he found a tube of lube and a pack of condoms. “You think I’m that easy, demon?”

“I don’t know, angel, I think you’re looking incredibly beautiful to me right now.”

“Smooth talker,” Castiel said with a chuckle, tossing the items to the backseat. “Meet me in the back.” Castiel leaned down to press his lips to Dean’s lips tentatively before shuffling over to the backseat through the middle division.

Dean gave his ass a squeeze as Castiel crawled to the back, and then Dean followed after, landing on top of Castiel’s body. They managed to find a comfortable angle in the spacious seat.

Their lips clashed and their hands fumbled for skin contact and their cocks rubbed against each other. After lowering his pants, Dean prepared Castiel’s tight opening and went inside him. Sweaty, panting bodies moved in a disjointed fashion that was nothing short of spectacular. Castiel wrapped his legs around Dean’s waist, pressing him closer, aching for more contact.

Right after Castiel bit his lip to keep from crying out during his climax, Dean kissed Castiel’s lips savagely and came inside of him.

They stayed in their sedated embrace for countless minutes, hours, days. Castiel couldn’t bother with unimportant things such as the concept of time. All that mattered was that he was with Dean. And he was entirely blissful.

***

Castiel was back at the warehouse, waiting with Dean, Sam, and Bobby for Gabriel and Anna to appear. This time, they’d decided not to hide.

It wasn’t long before Gabriel and Anna showed up, but the look in their faces shattered all hope from Castiel. On top of that, neither of them was happy with seeing Castiel had brought company.

“This isn’t a party,” Gabriel said sternly. “We have bigger fish to fry, so I’m going to let this one slide.”

“Michael is ready to meet with Lucifer,” Anna said. “He asked for Gabriel to be present, but none other.”

“I need to be there,” Castiel said.

“Hey, if I could trade places with you, believe me, I would,” Gabriel said, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Why are you so worked up over this?” Dean wondered.

Gabriel glared impatiently at him. “If you knew my brothers, you would know that having Michael and Lucifer in the same room can mean nothing but trouble. I don’t want to be caught right in the middle of that shit. And to make matters worse, Raphael was also asked to be there. This is a terrible omen.”

“So, all the archangels are getting together?” Sam asked.

“That’s what it sounds like,” Anna said. “Gabriel seems to know something he’s not telling me, but I’ve tried everything to get any information out of him and I’ve failed every time.”

Castiel narrowed his eyes. “Why are you keeping secrets from us?”

“Archangel business is far more complicated than you’d want to know,” Gabriel said with a sigh. “You’re young and naïve. I envy you, Castiel.”

“It’s Michael, isn’t it?” Dean asked. “That bastard’s planning the apocalypse regardless of what he talks with Lucifer.”

“Let’s not get overexcited, boys,” Gabriel said. He checked his nonexistent wristwatch. “Would you look at the time? I need to go. This fucked up family reunion’s about to start. Don’t want to be late and miss out on all the massacre and bloodshed.”

“That’s hopeful,” Anna said, crossing her arms.

“Wish me luck,” Gabriel said before he was gone.

Castiel glanced around the warehouse. “I guess all we can continue doing is waiting.”

“How about a game of poker?” Bobby asked, pulling out a deck of cards from his jacket. “A smart man always comes prepared to kill some time.”

Anna nodded. “I could use a distraction.”

They gathered the same table they used last time they met here, and pulled up five chairs. They managed to play a few friendly games of poker before Gabriel reappeared, with a scared-shitless look in his eyes.

“What the hell’s going on, Gabriel?” Anna asked desperately.

Castiel swallowed. “Please, tell us what happened.”

“I’m sorry,” Gabriel whispered, staring blankly at every face in the room. His face drained of color. “I am so sorry to all of you.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Dean asked, growing enraged.

“There’s nothing I can do,” Gabriel said. “It’s not up to me. It’s Michael. I didn’t think he would actually do this, but we took a vote like always and it was three out of four. It’s done.”

“Gabriel, please, you have to explain exactly what’s happening,” Anna said, on the verge of tears. “I need to know.”

Gabriel shook his head, staring again, but this time only at Dean, Sam, and Bobby with absolute pity in his eyes. It was the same look a farmer gave to his pigs before slaughtering them for bacon.

Tense, Castiel thought of running, but he knew running would be useless when dealing with archangels. Every idea vanished from his mind, though, when three other men appeared right behind Gabriel.

Lucifer took a step forward to be at the same level with Gabriel. He was wearing a vessel that seemed to be deteriorating. Michael’s vessel looked stronger, and with a start, Castiel realized that he was a younger version of John Winchester. The look in Dean’s face made Castiel’s guts twist and vile rise to his throat. Beside Michael stood Raphael, his dark-skinned vessel was unfamiliar, but he smiled mischievously.

“Did you break the news to them yet, Gabriel?” Michael asked calmly.

“How the fuck did you take my father’s body, you bastard?” Dean asked. Castiel had to wrap his arms around him before Dean took off in a futile attempt to hurt Michael. Dean struggled to be released, but Castiel held him tightly against his chest.

“We don’t have to do this,” Gabriel said, facing Michael. “What’s another century? You could use the time.”

“I will not waste another day in this planet,” Michael said dryly. After scanning his eyes over the humans in the room, he turned to Castiel. “I never wanted this for you, Castiel. I always worried about you, brother. I knew you would only get hurt.”

“What—” Castiel asked, but what cut off.

“Let me finish,” Michael said, grimacing. “You were always my favorite, Castiel, which is why I tried seeing sense in this. In the humans. I gave them eons of time to evolve, to grow, to progress. And what did our Father get in return? Ungrateful nonbelievers, sadistic murderers, violent, crazed monsters.”

“Not to mention our dear Lucifer’s pets,” Raphael said.

Lucifer sighed reluctantly. “I will miss my demons.”

Castiel’s hands loosened on Dean, but he didn’t remove his hands for fear that he would slip away somehow. He had a terrible feeling, and he knew he wasn’t the only one. His family was bat-shit crazy.

“You see, Castiel,” Michael continued. “Ever since the beginning of time—way before you were created—God commanded the four of us to conduct a little experiment.”

“What kind of experiment?” Castiel asked, glancing at Michael from behind Dean.

“We started in the Milky Way,” Michael said, looking nearly giddy at the recollection of his story. “Mercury was our first attempt. God allowed us to create a creature at his image. Of course we were younger then, and we had some glitches in the process.” He winced.

“The things we created looked more like pieces of Jell-O glued together,” Gabriel said, frowning.

“The atmosphere was just not right for human life in Mercury,” Raphael said. “So, we moved on to Venus.”

Michael nodded. “That was another bust. Although, we were improving.”

“When we came to Earth, we were sure this was the perfect fit,” Lucifer said. “At least I thought it was.”

“You went a little overboard, though,” Michael said. “Not only did you betray our Father, but you created demons. And the supernatural creatures—”

“Those were not my fault,” Lucifer said, annoyed.

“No, they weren’t,” Michael acknowledged. “I’m not putting the blame on anyone. But they came to be. Ghosts, vampires, werewolves, shape-shifters. They were malfunctions in our experiment. Not only that, but we also didn’t get humans completely right. See, many of them became worse than those monsters. It’s more than we can ever fix. Our Father isn’t content with us.”

“We could have asked for an extended time frame,” Gabriel insisted.

“There is no use in wasting more time,” Raphael said. “The humans brought the four of us apart. This Earth, it’s a bad place.”

“Raphael is right,” Michael said. “Although, Earth was the planet in which our Father decided to create more angels. We knew there were risks, but most of you are obedient, and I am sure you will understand the situation and follow us without hesitation.”

“This is repulsive,” Anna said, digging her hands through her hair. She fell to the floor, bending over herself. “I can’t believe any of this.”

“You can and you will,” Michael said. He stared at Castiel once more. “Castiel, it might take some time for you to get used to a new planet. But Mars shows a lot of promise.” Michael glanced at Dean for a brief second. “I apologize about your little boy toy, though. That’s going to hurt.”

“No, Michael!” Castiel shouted, but before he knew it, Dean went limp in his arms. If Castiel hadn’t been holding onto him, clinging to his chest, Dean would have fallen to the cold ground.

He heard the two thumps beside him, though, as Bobby and then Sam collapsed on the floor, lifeless. Castiel lost his breath, staring at Dean’s pale face. Even his freckles seemed to have gone away. His hands were shaking desperately as he slowly slid to the ground with Dean’s body, resting Dean’s head on his lap. Castiel held him there, bending over to speak to him, knowing full well that he was gone. Slipped through his fingers like water. Castiel pressed his lips to Dean’s forehead, and he stifled a whimper deep in his throat.

_This isn’t real. This isn’t really happening. Wake up, wake up. This is another stupid dream. This can’t be real._

Castiel held Dean closely, pressing his hands to Dean’s heart and using every last bit of his grace to bring back his soul to his body, to give him back his life. Dean still had a long life ahead of him. He had a future he never got to fulfill. Dean had old cars to buy for cheap and sell for profit. Dean had cakes to bake and decorate. He had a little brother to tease. Dean had Bobby to catch up with. Dean needed to be conscious again so he could finally accept Castiel’s grace and regain his humanity. Dean had to know that Castiel watched over him his entire life, and that he loved him so much it was killing him.

Right now, it was killing Castiel.  

“Why isn’t this working?” Castiel asked aloud, trying without success to return Dean’s life back to him.

“It’s time,” Michael said. “All human lives are gone, as well as demons and all other supernatural beings aside from angels. My angels are taking care of cleaning out the Earth of all the structures and damage the humans have caused. We clean up our messes. Once we are done, this planet will be back to the way it started.”

“You are despicable,” Castiel choked, gripping Dean to him.

“You may choose to stay in this place,” Michael said carefully. “That will be your decision. But soon, not even Dean’s body will remain here. It will disintegrate. He’s long gone, Castiel. Come with us. We will start over. There will be new humans in Mars. We’ve cooked up a better prototype. These homo sapiens won’t be as dangerous or vicious as the ones you knew. They will be near perfect. I even found stronger vessels for all of us.”

“No, no, no, no, no,” Castiel said under his breath. “No, I refuse to accept this, any of this.”

“It’s getting late, and we must get started,” Raphael said.

“You’re right,” Michael said. “We must get going.” He stood straighter. “Anna, Castiel, feel free to join us in Mars. Our doors will always be open for family.”

“I don’t want to be a part of this family!” Anna shouted, tears running down her face. “This is wrong, this is so wrong.”

“They’ll get over it,” Lucifer said. “They all will. When they realize there’s nothing else left here, they’ll come to us.”

Michael nodded. “Until then.”

The sound of wings announced their leave.

Castiel glanced up to catch sight of Anna sobbing uncontrollably. He looked at Dean again, and he soon realized he was holding a dead body. The man, the demon, the being he loved was no longer in there, and he would never return to that body. Castiel had lost Dean for good. Not only Dean, but also Sam, and Bobby, who lay dead at his sides.

Wiping away his tears, Castiel managed to move. First, he stood up from the ground, carefully laying Dean’s head to the floor. Then, he moved the bodies close together, lining them up. Maybe their bodies would really disintegrate, but that wouldn’t stop Castiel from giving them a proper burial.

He walked over to Anna, and he hauled her up off the ground and into his arms. Castiel held her closely, crying in her shoulder while she cried in his. They gripped each other like they were each other’s lifelines.

“Everyone is gone,” Anna said between sobs.

“Everyone,” Castiel said, trying his best not to fall into tears again.

“How could they?”

Castiel had no answers, nor did he want answers himself. All he was certain of was that every breath he took brought him closer to a deep shock, and he needed to do something before that happened.

“Will you help me carry their bodies outside to bury them in the ground?” Castiel asked Anna. “Please.” He squeezed her hands.

Anna barely glanced at the bodies before she sobbed again, louder and harder, as if that would put an end to the suffering.

“Hey, look at me,” Castiel said, holding her face in his hands. He wiped away her tears with his thumbs. “We’re going to get through this somehow. You and I. Please, don’t leave me. I can’t do this on my own, Anna.”

“What are we supposed to do? There’s nowhere to run.”

“All we can do is continue existing in this universe,” Castiel said. “We are just two insignificant fish in a vast ocean. There is nothing left for us but to survive.”

“Why?” Anna asked, her voice hollow.

“That’s a good question.”

There was nothing else to say between them, at least not for a long while. Together, they buried the three bodies in silence. It started raining, and they both got soaked as they stood in front of the graves.

Castiel pulled out the flask that fell from Bobby’s jacket as he carried his body. He took a long swig of it, and then dropped the remaining liquid over the graves.

_Here’s to my Dean._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so I know that was a miserable, abrupt ending, but this entire story was nuts, so was it really a surprise?


	27. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you asked for this, and since I am not a monster, here it is.

Day after day, Castiel wondered if Heaven still existed. At least, the Heaven he had always known. For fear of finding that it had disappeared along with everything and everyone else, Castiel never returned to Heaven, nor did he ask about it. Somehow, he felt he knew the truth.

After the _massacre_ , Castiel had only spoken to Anna. She claimed to have stopped hearing the angels in her head. Castiel had also stopped hearing prayers. There was no one left to pray. And God? How could he pray to his merciless Father when he had agreed to this twisted game?

Earth was not the same. It was deserted. A few animals had survived. Apparently, Michael didn’t think animals were such terrible creates deserving of death. Eventually they too would die off, though. The soil on the ground was useless. It was nothing but loose gravel.

Castiel mourned the death of his friends. He hurt in ways he had never thought possible. He was sure it would never end, but after months, all Castiel could really dwell on was worrying about Heaven. And maybe that was part of everything. Maybe what Castiel really wanted was to know if some of his friends had made it to Heaven, if _it_ still existed.

A demon would never have stepped foot in Heaven, though. Castiel knew that much.

“Come swim with me,” Anna asked from the small river they found on their morning walk. There was no geography left on Earth, but Castiel knew they were somewhere down south. The weather was mostly hot and humid.

“I’d rather sit here quietly,” Castiel called back.

“That’s all you ever want to do,” Anna protested. “Come here. I’ll race you to that boulder over there.”

“I want to do it,” Castiel said, not referring to Anna’s invitation. “I want to go to Heaven.”

Anna blinked at him, angling her ear in his direction. “I’m sorry, what?”

“I want to go to Heaven, to see if anything remains there,” Castiel said. “I will go with or without you, but I need to go.”

“Castiel, are you sure?” Anna asked, getting out of the water and approaching him slowly.

“Yes, absolutely. What else do I have to do?”

Anna nodded, sitting down beside him. “I’ll come with you.”

“Thank you,” Castiel muttered, wrapping an arm over Anna’s shoulders. “I love you, you know that?”

Anna laughed. “So, do we have to go now or are you really going to reject my racing offer?”

“I will accept,” Castiel said, getting to his feet. “I am obviously the faster swimmer.”

“We’ll see about that.” Anna pushed past him and ran back into the flowing river.

Castiel caught up to her seconds later, making a splash as he submerged in the water.

***

The old woman’s Heaven was still there, where Castiel remembered. His hopes went through the roof at that discovery. Heaven was still there, with the same people.

“We have to find them,” Castiel told Anna, grabbing her hand and running toward a passage leading to a neighboring Heaven.

“Castiel, there is no guarantee that anyone made it here.”

“Where else would they go?” Castiel continued running, moving in high speed from Heaven to Heaven, skimming quickly through people inhabiting each one. None of them were familiar faces.

Anna yanked on Castiel’s hand, forcing him to stop. He glanced at her impatiently. “Look, Castiel,” Anna said, pointing to her right.

They were in the woods, but Castiel could see that there was a field a few feet from them. And there he saw them.

The Harvelles.

Ellen was about to toss a football to Jo, while Ash tried to stop her. They were playing and enjoying each other’s company. They were smiling and laughing and hugging.

“They’re here,” Castiel muttered. “They’re okay.”

“Thank God,” Anna said.

Castiel gave her a look, but Anna arched an eyebrow. 

“You know our Father is not evil,” Anna said.

“Don’t get all theological with me,” Castiel said. “I need to keep looking.”

“Aren’t you going to talk to them?” Anna asked.

“Not yet.” Castiel tugged Anna’s hand again and continued through the woods, running into other Heavens.

Castiel didn’t see anyone familiar, but he stopped running when he entered a familiar house. The place gave him déjà vu. Castiel and Anna stood in a living room, in a house that smelled of sweet cherries and dough crust. The home décor was just as he last saw it, and everything was in its place. Castiel’s heart drummed against his ribcage at an incredible speed.

“He’s here,” Anna whispered. “He’s here, isn’t he?”

“No, that’s not possible. He’s a demon.” Castiel looked around the empty living and walked into the kitchen. He opened the oven door and inhaled the delightful scent of the pie, which was just about done.

“Demons were killed off, and Lucifer took off. Castiel, there is no Hell anymore,” Anna said suddenly. “Only the righteous are allowed entrance to Heaven. Do you know of a more righteous man?”

Castiel took out the pie from the oven and set it on the countertop. His head was spinning. “That would be something…” 

Footsteps came from one of the bedrooms. Castiel shut his eyes. He was afraid to look at the person heading to him. He was afraid of seeing, and not liking what he saw.

Anna gasped.

“Cas?” he said.

All at once, Castiel remembered how to smile again.


End file.
